Love Will Remember
by Charmita
Summary: "Sometimes you meet someone and it's so clear that the two of you, on some level, belong together." When Erin and Jay met for the first time, they both felt this instant connection that neither of them could explain. 6 years later it was still there, even if they hadn't seen each other since parting ways on that cold winter day in 2008. pre 1x01 Linstead [AU]
1. Hello

**Title:** Love Will Remember

 **Summary:** When Erin Lindsay and Jay Halstead met for the first time at a shooting range neither of them could've anticipated how their supposedly uncomplicated "one time deal" turned into much more than they had bargained for and how it would still affect their lives six years later, when they met for the second time - being assigned as partners in the Intelligence Unit of the Chicago PD. [AU]

 **Characters:** [E. Lindsay, J. Halstead], H. Voight, Original Female Character

 **Rating** : T

 **Genre** : Romance/Drama

 **A/N:** Ok, there are a few things I'd like to say before we delve into the story: It will take place in 2014 (1 month before episode 1x01) and will include flashbacks from their first meeting in 2008 and other significant events that took place during the 6 years they spent apart. Also the timing might be a little off: I'm assuming Erin was born in April 1985 so she's about 22 years old when they meet in February 2008. The Jay in my story is 2 years older than Erin and has blue eyes - yeah that little detail is important. I'm aware that Jesse's actual eye color is more of a blueish-green leaning more towards green than blue, but in some episodes of season one his eyes looked really blue to me and I'm going with that :P On a second note: Chapter titles will be taken from song lyrics, which I'll try to incorporate into the dialogue of the chapters, but I haven't written that far ahead, so I'm not sure whether I'll manage to keep that up for every chapter ;) Sry for the long rant, I hope you'll enjoy the story and sry for any mistakes (spelling or otherwise) in advance ;) Oh yeah I planned on this being a multi chapter story, but I can't guarantee weekly updates due to the fact that I'm writing (or should be writing) my MA thesis at the moment and I don't know how much time I'll have left for working on this story.

 **Cover art by:** mehtiification

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD or its characters nor the song _Hello_ by Adele.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1:** _Hello_

January 2014

Detective Erin Lindsay was late and she was usually never late, but although it was only 8:10 in the morning this day already proved to be a catastrophe in the making.

On her way over to the 21st district she'd gotten stuck in traffic and hadn't even had time to grab a coffee from her favorite coffee shop, it surely didn't help matters that she'd been up almost all night and was now not only sleep but coffee-deprived too and highly annoyed that she would have to face the mocking comments of her colleagues and on top of that the disappointed look in her boss Hank Voight's eyes, because he thought she couldn't handle all the responsibilities life had thrown at her.

It would give him a good excuse to bring up that living with him instead of in an apartment halfway across the city would be better for her and everyone involved. She'd had that argument with him repeatedly over the past six years, even when she'd been just fresh out of the police academy and started field training. Sergeant Hank Voight had always been very protective of Erin, that hadn't changed even when she grew up and wanted to live her own life, but Erin couldn't really fault him for that.

He'd always had her best interests at heart and she wanted to prove to him that she could make it on her own and that he could be proud of her, that her past wouldn't define her and that although she'd made her fair share of bad decisions during her teenage and young adult years, she was someone he could count on now, someone who was responsible and did what she was asked to do, even if that meant that she had to abide by her pseudo father's countless rules, one of them being to always be in the bullpen by 8 am at the latest and if that was not possible for some reason, to give him a call so that he would know that she was coming in later and could plan ahead in case they caught a new case and every minute counted.

So while she was making her way up the steps of the 21st district of the Chicago Police Department, she silently cursed under her breath and once inside made a beeline for the stairs leading up to the Intelligence Unit's floor, barely catching Sergeant Trudy Platt waving at her from behind her desk out of the corner of her eye and managing to wave back at her and mumble a quick "Morning" before punching in her code and laying her hand on the scanner that would grant her access to her work space.

When the door opened, she immediately sprinted up the stairs and went straight for the closed door of Voight's office, not bothering to respond to her colleagues' greetings and intent on assuring Voight that everything was under control and that her being late would not happen again.

She barely managed to stop in time before crashing through the office door, held her breath and knocked two times before she opened it.

Would she not have been in such a hurry, she would've probably noticed the voices that were clearly audible coming from inside the office and would have come to the conclusion that Voight was not alone in there and that it would be better to wait outside until they had finished their conversation, but since she hadn't stopped to think once since she'd set foot into the district, she was completely unprepared for the sight that greeted her when she made her way inside, a greeting dying on her tongue when she registered the two men who were standing in front of Voight's desk, facing away from her. She was pretty sure one of them was her colleague Detective Antonio Dawson and the other seemed vaguely familiar too, but she couldn't place him.

Upon her arrival the conversation between the three men had come to an abrupt end and when Voight finally addressed her presence in the room, Antonio and the mystery man turned to face her as well.

The first thing she registered were his eyes, a piercing blue that triggered memories from a day six years prior, eyes she'd tried so hard to forget, but couldn't because she was reminded of them every day. His baby blues and his blinding smile kept haunting her dreams and sometimes even managed to sneak into her thoughts while she was awake.

She wasn't aware of Hank talking to her or Antonio leveling her with a curious stare. Erin was caught in her own world, still processing the fact that he was really standing in front of her and in Hank Voight's office nonetheless.

Her breath hitched when his eyes bore into hers and then swept over her body, giving it a once over from top to toe, recognition flickering through them before the look of surprise on his face was replaced with a knowing smirk. She wished she could wipe it off his face. No, she'd rather have the earth swallow her whole than be in this room right now.

A loud bang, courtesy of Voight slapping his hand against the wooden surface of his desk, finally managed to tear Erin from her depressing thoughts and she managed to school her face into a mask of indifference, that wouldn't reveal her inner turmoil to Voight or the other two men standing in the office, before she turned her attention to her boss who was clearly pissed at her for not focusing on him talking to her earlier.

"Detective Lindsay, it's nice of you to finally join us," he started while looking pointedly at the watch on his wrist, indicating that he'd noticed that she was late. "I'd like for you, to meet your new partner Detective Jay Halstead, who will be joining us here in Intelligence effective immediately."

 _'Well crap,'_ Erin thought. She'd completely forgotten that she was supposed to meet her new partner today. She thought it was a stupid decision anyways, she was just fine rolling with Olinsky or Voight himself, but Voight insisted she needed a permanent partner and Antonio had eagerly volunteered a guy he knew that had worked as an undercover cop in the Gang Unit before, though she couldn't recall the name Jay Halstead being mentioned in any of his praises.

Realizing that she'd once again been silent for too long, she opened her mouth and forced herself to say something, anything to make this any less awkward than it already was.

"Um, hello. Erin Lindsay, nice to meet you," she managed to get out and when he offered her his hand in greeting, she took it, having no other choice if she didn't want to come across as rude, and as their skin connected, she swore she felt a bolt of electricity running through her body, which prompted her to drop his hand immediately.

Jay raised an eyebrow in response and his smirk grew even wider than it was before, but sensing that she'd rather have people not knowing that they already knew each other he decided not to comment on her behavior and just finish the introductions.

"Jay Halstead. Nice to meet you too."


	2. The Clock is Ticking

**Title:** Love Will Remember (I completely forgot to mention that the title for this fic was inspired by the song cover of Selena Gomez' _Love Will Remember_ by Justin Bryte and Brielle von Hugel; I seriously love their version of this song and if you have a minute you should go and check it out on yt ;) )

 **Cover art by** : mehtiification

 **A/N:** Ok wow, I was completely floored by the response I got for the first chapter - I didn't think so many people would be interested in reading this :O So a big shout-out to **fruitybec, ShimmerShimmerx, NALEY23alwaysforever, mimozascience, sxcthing123, mvollmann, MackeyPac and the other two guest reviewers!** I'd also like to thank the people who followed and/or favorited this story, you guys are awesome! So this chapter is gonna be a flashback to the day Jay and Erin first met. It starts with Jay's POV but switches to Erin's occasionally so you get to know how both of them experience their first encounter ;) I know it's kinda mean to leave it where I left it, but the story got away from me and I didn't want to rush anything, so you'll find out what Jay's gonna do at the beginning of chapter 4, since chapter 3 is set in 2014. I originally didn't plan on including Will in this chapter, but since he is in it now I might as well address the fact that he is Jay's older brother in this story. I think it was mentioned on the show that Jay is Will's older brother, but Jay looks younger to me and when asked in one of his Q&A's Derek said Jay was the younger Halstead, so I think that counts for something, even if it doesn't add up to what was said on the show :P So for the purpose of this story Will is Jay's senior by one year. I apologize in advance for any mistakes (spelling or otherwise), I really didn't have much time to proofread this and on that note I have to say that I don't know whether I'll manage to update next week or the week after - I have parts of chapter 4 written already, but nothing on chapter 3 so far and my thesis really has to be my priority right now, because if I don't finish it on time, I won't get a degree. :S Thanks for your patience and enjoy reading!

 **P.S.:** Sry for being so vague about the logistics of the shooting range and the other stuff concerning procedures at the police academy, but I've never been to a shooting range myself nor have I been a recruit of the Chicago Police Academy and the Internet can only tell you so much, so I hope you don't mind me not going into too much detail. If you happen to be familiar with the insides of a shooting range or have insight into the life as an academy recruit, feel free to tell me about the mistakes I made, I appreciate your help! :)

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD, its characters or any lines you recognize from the show nor do I own the rights to _Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking_ by Snow Patrol.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2** : _The Clock is Ticking_

February 2008

Jay was finishing packing up the last of the boxes that held all of his personal belongings and clothes he wouldn't need for his trip overseas, when he got a call from his older brother Will.

He rolled his eyes and answered the phone tiredly, "Listen, Will if you want to try and talk me out of this again, you can save us both the time and yourself the trouble and just hang up now. My decision is final - I need to do this and nothing's gonna stop me from doing it, you understand?"

He heard his brother sigh in defeat on the other end of the line and was about to hang up, when Will said, "I know. I just wanted to let you know that… that I'm proud of you and what you're doing for this country. I've always been proud of you. I know that probably doesn't mean a lot to you, given the fact that I screwed up big time, when you, when our family, needed me the most, but I wanted you to hear it at least once. Be safe out there and give me a call when you come back, just so I know that you're ok."

Jay didn't want to deal with this, not right now. Repairing the relationship to his estranged brother was a task for another day, a day in the far-off future, if he had his way. All he had to do was to get off the phone or otherwise he'd say things he might regret.

"I'm sorry Will, but I have to go now - I have somewhere to be," he told the man he had once considered to be his best friend, who was no more than a stranger to him at this point in their lives.

"At least promise you'll give me a call, Jay. That's all I'm asking."

His brother wasn't one to back down easily, so Jay relented. "Fine, I'll call you. I really need to get going, so…" he trailed off, not sure how to end a call that could easily turn into the last conversation he would ever share with his brother, he had seen enough people getting killed in what was supposed to be one of the less dangerous missions, six years back when he had first enlisted after his mother had died.

The anger, pain and grief that bubbled to the surface at that thought almost made him miss his brother's final words to him, "I know. Bye Jay."

He couldn't bring himself to say anything in response, so he pressed the end-call button and got up off the floor, to put on his shoes and collect his jacket, keys and wallet on the way out of his apartment, hoping the second half of his day would turn out to be better than the first.

* * *

Erin was in a good mood when she walked up the stairs to the shooting range of the Chicago Police Department. She'd just had lunch with Camille Voight, who had basically been her surrogate mother ever since the Voights had taken her in when she was a 15-year-old teenager, who lived on the streets and had gotten herself into trouble more times than she could count, having been arrested no less than five times for charges including misdemeanor, simple battery, retail theft, solicitation, and unlawful possession of cannabis, and was now headed to the mandatory gun training course CPD recruits had to complete in order to prepare for the Illinois State Peace Officer's Certification Exam, which she would take in about a month.

Sprinting up the last of the steps and pushing through the doors, she took a look at her watch and realized that she'd barely made it on time, because she'd not taken Camille up on her offer to drive her here, but instead had opted to rely on public transportation to get her from the Voight household to her destination.

She spied her group of recruits and made her way over, to casually slide into place next to a guy named Dan. She didn't really know him, but he was friendly enough and Erin usually tried to keep to herself - she wasn't really a people's person and figured she'd probably not see much of her fellow recruits anyway after they'd all passed their exams and moved on to field training.

"Alright kiddos, listen up," as soon as their training officer in charge Matt Connelly spoke up, all conversation died down and everyone focused on what he had to say. "Sadly I can't be present for the whole duration of your training today, but since I cannot let you train unsupervised and I don't want to waste an opportunity of you getting to train with one of the best shots this shooting range has ever seen, I've arranged for a fellow officer to show you how it's done."

Erin watched the reaction of the rest of the group, which seemed to vary from excitement to skepticism and decided that the guy deserved to get a chance if her supervisor had such a high opinion of him.

She curiously looked around and was surprised to see a young man step forward, who judging by his looks had to be around her age. She studied him intently, trying to gain as much information as she could by just observing him. He wore a black leather jacket, jeans and boots, was about 5'11-6'0 feet tall and had light brown hair.

She had yet to get a good look at his face, since his gaze kept sweeping over the group in order to get a first impression of the people he would have to train for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

Jay was glad he had managed to cut the phone call with Will short and had still about 30 minutes to spare before the training would begin, when he arrived at the shooting range of the Chicago Police Department, where he would be teaching a firearms training course for the rest of the afternoon.

He'd been a little surprised when Matt Connelly, one of the training officers in charge, had called him this morning and asked whether he was free to take over his spot teaching a gun training class at the shooting range this afternoon, but since Jay loved being at the shooting range and had planned on going there anyways, to help distract himself from the fact that he'd be leaving the country on a flight to Afghanistan in two days, he'd gladly accepted the older man's proposal.

Looking around, he spotted Matt talking to Sergeant Bryan Hamilton, who was in charge of the shooting range and with whom he had become good friends over the course of the last two years.

"Officer Halstead, nice to see you," the sergeant greeted him and came around the front desk to pull him in for a hug. "Hey Sarge, nice to see you too," he offered while also sending a quick nod of acknowledgement in the direction of Matt Connelly.

"Halstead, glad that you could make it," Connelly addressed him and shook his hand in greeting after Sergeant Hamilton had released him from his hold.

"It's no problem, Sir, really. I love spending time here," Jay said dismissively; his statement drawing a deep chuckle out of the sergeant standing next to them. "Isn't that the truth?" Bryan Hamilton asked and proudly clapped Jay on the back, "This one is one of the best shots this shooting range has ever seen - isn't that right Matt?"

"Yeah, he's definitely one to look out for in the annual shooting contest," Jay's former training officer acknowledged, before ushering Jay away to talk to him about the group of recruits that would be showing up soon.

* * *

Jay tried to remember what Connelly had told him about the group, while he swept his gaze over the 20 recruits standing in front of him, eying him with curiosity and a mixture of apprehension and slight amazement.

His sweeping eyes came to a stop at the right corner of the group assembled in front of him, staying on a petite brunette, her curly hair reaching just below her shoulders, whose eyes must've been on him the entire time, because when he looked at her, her green orbs bore straight into his blue ones, assessing, but not judging him.

Something in the way she looked at him, made him want to get to know her. Maybe it was the way she held his gaze and didn't even back down, when she realized she'd been caught staring at him.

He was left speechless for a brief moment, until he remembered that he had yet to introduce himself to his soon-to-be students.

"Hi, I'm Jay and I'm your training officer in charge for the day," he offered, pulling his lips up into a genuine smile. "I graduated from the Academy last year and have just finished my six months of Field Training, so if you have any questions or concerns regarding that, I'm your guy - if not I'm a pretty good shot too, so I can probably teach you a thing or two that will come in handy for your gun training," he continued and was glad to see that the recruits seemed to be warming up to him.

* * *

Erin wouldn't go as far as saying she was mesmerized by the man standing in front of her, telling them a story from when he'd first come to the gun shooting range and had surprised his fellow recruits and his training officer in charge with his shooting skills, which he'd apparently gained during his time in the military, an information she'd filed away for later analysis, but she was definitely intrigued by the way he managed to capture the attention of the small group gathered in front of him and his charming smile and piercing blue eyes worked in his favor too.

So when they went to get their guns and protection gear and stored their personal belongings in the locker room of the shooting range and she lost sight of him, she almost felt a little disappointed, but shrugged it off and concentrated on the fact that she had a whole afternoon of gun training ahead of her: one of her favorite exercises from the wide range of areas they had to train in, like gangs, drugs, law, ethics, report writing, vehicle stops, control tactics, physical fitness and law enforcement driving as well as training classes in terrorism awareness, technology awareness, building entry tactics and diversity.

As soon as she stood in her assigned booth, she forgot all about Jay, his dazzling smile and the boundless blue of his eyes and focused her attention on the weapon lying in her hand.

She unlocked the safety and pulled the trigger, hitting the target square in the head. She fired two more rounds before she became aware of a presence behind her, being alerted by the feeling of being watched and the hairs on the back of her neck standing up.

She locked the safety on her gun, placed it back in the security case on the table in front of her, turned around and came face to face with Jay, who seemed to be quite impressed by her target shooting.

He motioned for her to follow him outside and she did. He guided her into the little soundproof office adjoining the shooting lanes, from which one could oversee the whole shooting area, closed the door and took his ear muffs off.

She followed his example and looked at him questioningly, curious as to why he had singled her out and wanted to talk to her in private.

"Hi…" he trailed off, unsure of how to continue since he didn't know her name, because she had skipped the introduction round he'd held earlier and went straight to the locker room, to store away her belongings.

"My friends call me Er," she supplied, smirking when he looked at her in surprise. "Although I'm not sure if we are quite at that stage yet, but since I only know part of your name, it's only fair that you only know part of mine, too," she winked at him and leaned on the desk behind her, waiting for him to make his next move.

"Well, Er," he made a point of drawing her nickname out, earning an eye roll from her in response, "Connelly told me that you were the best shot out of the group and I wanted to know whether it was true."

He looked at her expectantly, which caused her to cross her arms in front of her chest defiantly before responding, "Well gauging from your reaction to my shooting earlier, you already got an idea of my exceptional skills, so I don't see a point in denying my training officer's statement. Although there are a few other recruits in this group who are pretty talented in handling guns too."

"So, I've noticed. But no one showed quite the level of potential you have, so I'd like to offer you some one-on-one training after the course ends - that is if you'd be interested and don't have any plans? I don't want to keep you from something important," he added hastily, his confident smile replaced by a slightly nervous look, while he waited for her to react to his suggestion.

She would be lying if she said she wasn't surprised that he would be offering her of all people a chance to work with him and maybe get to learn a few tricks from him in the process. Although, there was a small voice in the back of her head that told her that she knew next to nothing about this guy, except that he was a police officer and had served in the military.

Well, that was at least better company than she'd entertained in her past. Erin shuddered when she thought about some of the 'friends' her best friend Annie's ex-boyfriend Charlie used to run with - he had brought them along to some of their hang out spots and she really hadn't liked the way they had been ogling Annie and her, as if they were pieces of meat displayed in the shop window of a meat shop - and decided that getting some advice from Jay on how to improve her shooting skills could only prove to be useful for her in her future as a patrol officer in the Chicago Police Department, so she nodded and gave him a small smile in reassurance.

"Great," he exclaimed, obviously relieved that she didn't think he was making an inappropriate move on her, which prompted her to chuckle and shoot him a teasing glance.

"I mean, it's obviously only for your benefit and if you're lucky I'll even let you in on some of my secrets and if I get lucky, you'll teach me some of yours in return," Jay said, raising his eyebrows at her suggestively, while simultaneously offering her another of his charming smiles.

Erin snorted and put her ear muffs back on, before heading towards the door, throwing a "You wish" over her shoulder, before exiting the little office and making her way back to her assigned booth, leaving him smirking at her retreating form, the "No, you wish" that left his lips in response not heard by anyone but himself.

* * *

When Erin returned to her booth, she couldn't help but smile at the way Jay was acting towards her. She wondered whether he was like that with the other women of her training class, or whether the connection to him she'd felt earlier, when she'd first laid eyes on him in the entry hall of the shooting range or just now while talking to him, was not one-sided and he was really interested in getting to know her.

"Well there's only one way to find out I guess," she thought while opening the safety case she'd put her gun in earlier, taking it out and making sure she had enough bullets left to practice her target shooting some more.

She loved target practice - it required a high level of concentration and often made her forget about all the things that were on her mind, good or bad.

Today was a day this came in handy, since Camille had told her some unsettling news concerning her son Justin during lunch, whom Erin loved like a little brother and felt very protective of, since she had already lost her real brother Teddy, almost 10 years ago when he'd run away and was never heard of again.

She still felt responsible for that happening. She should've looked out for him and got him away from Bunny. That woman, Erin refused to call her "mom" even in her head, cause she'd always been anything but, had always managed to tear anyone in her presence down and Teddy should've not been left alone with her for even a minute.

Erin sighed and put her gun down, dejectedly. She'd missed the target completely and mused bitterly, "Seems like not even my distraction technique is immune against Bunny and her scheming ways."

While contemplating to take a break, to attempt to get her head back in the game, Erin felt a hand at her elbow and almost jumped out of her skin. She'd been so preoccupied with thinking about Justin, Teddy and Bunny that the presence of another body beside her hadn't registered at all.

When she turned around, to see who it was, a small smile slowly crept back onto her face. "Hi, Jay," she mouthed, being fully aware that he couldn't hear her, but adding a "Couldn't stay away, could you?" nonetheless.

Noticing his eyes on her lips and the questioning look on his face, she assumed he'd been trying to lip-read what she was saying, but failed miserably.

She waved her hand dismissively and turned back around, thinking he'd either go away or do whatever he'd come to do for.

Picking up her gun, she aimed at the target in front of her and was about to pull the trigger, when she felt Jay's body come up behind her and his hands settling down on her arms, in attempt to steady her and to readjust her position, so that she wouldn't miss the target like the last few times.

Even though there was no skin to skin contact, she shivered slightly and it felt like the atmosphere in the booth was suddenly charged somehow.

Figuring, Jay would only pull away when he saw a positive result to the changes he'd made, she fired three shots in a row, two going straight in the head and the other to the heart.

As soon as the last bullet had left her weapon, the police officer dropped his hands from her arms and stepped back so that she could resume her shooting without further disturbances.

Erin grinned and wondered whether this would be the last time he would stop by before the four hours of training would be over - it wasn't.

* * *

Jay observed the students from his safe haven in the office for a little longer, so that he could collect his thoughts and determine whether it was normal to feel drawn to a person he'd only met like an hour ago, or whether he should take a step back and just focus on doing his job.

He decided that the latter was probably the better option and headed out of the small soundproof room to see whether any of his students was in need of help.

His feet however seemed to have other ideas and soon he stood just outside the booth that had the number 11 printed onto it and was observing Erin, who seemed to be having trouble to concentrate and was missing her target every time she fired a shot.

Sensing her frustration, he went into the booth and touched her elbow lightly, to alert her to his presence, making her jump in response. She seemed to have been completely oblivious to the fact that he'd been standing behind her for quite some time now.

After helping her readjust the grip on her weapon and the position of her arms and making sure her next shots were perfect hits, he quickly made his exit, noticing an underlying tension in the small space they shared and not willing to assess the meaning behind it just yet.

"Focus, Halstead, focus," he scolded himself and strolled over to the booth adjoining Erin's, hoping to be able to do his job properly, now that he'd satisfied his need to be near her.

* * *

He was surprised, when he looked at his watch and saw that it was already time to call it a day. He had occasionally checked up on Erin during the last few hours, but had refrained from touching her again. Quirking eyebrows and fleeting smiles were the only interaction they'd shared and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little disappointed, but his mood got better instantly when he remembered that she'd agreed to spent some one-on-one time with him, after the official part of the course ended.

Jay joined the rest of the group when they were heading back towards the locker room and even engaged in some friendly small talk with them, before they bid their goodbyes and headed out of the shooting range.

He was about to go back inside to see whether he could get a hold of Sergeant Hamilton to ask him if it was ok that Erin would be joining him in staying a little longer, when he felt a hand on his arm.

"Hey, Jay."

Standing next to him, was one of the recruits of Erin's class. Brittany, he remembered and looked at her questioningly. "Do you have any more questions?" he wondered, while contemplating what this could be about.

"Um, no. Actually I wanted to give you this," she said and handed him a small piece of paper. He unfolded it and saw a cell phone number with her name next to it. "In case you ever need a sparring partner, or you just wanna grab a cup of coffee or…" she left the rest of the suggestion unspoken and winked at him suggestively.

He wondered how she knew that he went to the boxing gym on a regular basis, until he remembered that one of the guys had asked him what he did to keep fit in the locker room, he didn't think she'd have paid attention to that, but was proven wrong.

Taking his lack of response as a rejection, she shrugged her shoulders and began walking away from him. "It was nice meeting you anyways and if you change your mind, you have my number," she said, before walking out the door and disappearing into the cold Chicago evening air.

* * *

Smirking, he put the piece of paper in the back pocket of his jeans and set off in search of Sergeant Hamilton.

When Jay finally found him, his old friend was quick to assure him that they could stay as long as they wanted to, but that they should swing by his office before they left, to let him know that he could close up for the night.

With a slight bounce to his step, Jay made his way back to the booth he'd left Erin in and waited until she was about to put in a new clip, before he approached her, removed her ear muffs and told her, that he'd be in the booth next to hers if she needed anything.

She coyly smiled up at him and told him she'd be sure to let him know if she needed help in any shape or form, adding a wink for good measure and laughing lightly, before spinning on her heel to resume practicing her target shooting.

* * *

Erin moved casually over to the booth next to hers and watched Jay firing another round of shots into the target in front of him. She had to admit his skills were impressive, so when he lowered his weapon to put in another clip, she came to stand beside him and pulled the ear muffs off his ears.

If he was surprised to see her there, he didn't show it. "So, how much?" she asked, chancing a look at him out of the corner of her eye. "On this?" he wanted to know and raised an eyebrow at her in question.

When Erin nodded her head in affirmation he wanted to know how much she'd got and when she revealed she'd got 100 bucks, he took the bet with a gleam in his eyes.

* * *

Not much later, Erin was gloating over her victory and demanded Jay pay up, "You better have my money, loser."

"Hey, there's no need to be cruel," Jay replied, giving her a slightly wounded look. "Actually... I don't have that much money on me now - how about I buy you a drink after we're done here?" he added, a mischievous smile making its way onto his face.

"I don't recall losing this bet, so why should I go out with you?" she countered, enjoying seeing him squirm.

"Wow, again with the unnecessary cruelty. What is it with you getting off on torturing me?" Jay shot back, sounding mock-offended.

"Oh you don't even know the half of it. The things I could do to you," she trailed off, getting a dreamy look in her eyes, before focusing back on her former line of thinking. "…but that doesn't answer my question. Why would I go out with you?"

Before he had time to respond, she added as an afterthought, "You have 10 seconds to convince me that this would be a good idea, otherwise I'll gladly accept a check for the money you owe me."

She poked her tongue out at him and laughed when he just stared at her, gaping like a fish stranded without water, for once not seeming to have a witty comeback at the ready. "What is it? A cat got your tongue?"

Throwing a pointed look at her watch, she reminded him, "The clock is ticking."


	3. We could Be the Greatest Team

**Title:** Love Will Remember

 **Cover art by:** mehtiification

 **A/N:** So this was kinda tricky for me, since I didn't want to reveal things that you'll get to know during flashbacks in later chapters, therefore it's somewhat of a filler chapter, but things will be heating up in the next few chapters, so I hope you can forgive me for the lack of action in this one and I hope you enjoy reading it nonetheless. Since I didn't plan on updating this week, I unfortunately didn't have time to proofread, so I'm sorry for any mistakes (spelling or otherwise). **Thanks again for all the favs and follows - I'm so glad so many of you seem to like this story so far. Special thanks to mimozascience, masalinstead, fruitybec, trublonde18, sassa001, NALEY23alwaysforever and ShimmerShimmerx for reviewing!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD, its characters or any dialogue you recognize from the show, nor do I own the rights to _History_ by One Direction.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3:** _We could Be t_ _he Greatest Team_

January 2014

Detective Sergeant Henry Voight was not stupid. He knew there was something going on with his protégée Erin Lindsay from the moment she'd set foot into his office not even ten minutes ago and he was determined to find out what it was.

From the look of utter surprise on her face and the double take she had done when she'd seen her new partner for the first time, one would think she'd come face to face with a ghost, but she'd managed to get a grip on herself pretty quickly after her initial reaction and now Hank couldn't read her expression even if he tried his hardest to find out what was happening right under his nose.

It was a shame he couldn't see the look on Halstead's face when the young detective had spotted Erin across the room, that way Hank could've been absolutely sure the two knew each other, but Jay had been smoother in keeping his body's reactions in check when it came to Hank's foster daughter and hadn't given even the smallest indication that he'd met her before.

Voight was irritated to no end because of Erin's behavior and he wanted nothing more than for the two of them to get out of his office, so he could grill Antonio about Jay Halstead's background and figure out where the former undercover cop and his pseudo-daughter could have met.

There was something eerily familiar about Halstead, but Voight couldn't put his finger on it. Every time he thought he had made the connection, the thought slipped out of his grasp and vanished into thin air.

Shaking his head to clear his mind, Voight barked, "Great. Now that you two know each other, Detective Lindsay can show you around and get you acquainted with the district and the way we handle things here. Afterwards you can fill out your remaining paper work and drop it off at Sergeant Platt's desk downstairs. We just closed a case and are finishing up on some reports, so you may as well head home for the day after you're done."

* * *

Jay was startled out of his thoughts by his new boss's booming voice telling him what would happen next, now that he'd met his partner, Erin Lindsay. The ex-ranger still couldn't wrap his head around the fact he'd be working with her of all people.

Memories from a day six years ago threatened to overwhelm him once again, before he put an abrupt end to it and turned his attention to the man who was sitting at the desk behind him, calling Jay's name, "Oh Halstead, I almost forgot. When Platt has reviewed your paperwork you can come back up here and get your badge and gun."

When Jay turned his head to look at Voight while he was giving him orders, he caught the older man giving Erin the side-eye over his shoulder while telling her, "And Erin, while Halstead here is filling out his paperwork you and I will have a little chat about why you were late this morning. I don't appreciate someone in this unit breaking my rules."

"… and while we're on the subject, it might not have been necessary to say this before, but if you'd like to keep working in this unit, and by you I mean both of you," Voight made a small pause for impact, switching his disapproving glance back and forth between Erin and Jay, before continuing, "you keep it professional."

After dropping this little bomb shell Voight waved his hand at them irritably, which Halstead interpreted as being dismissed from the conversation, and turned his attention to his Senior Detective.

Jay didn't need to be told twice to get out of the room and while giving a surprised look to his former girlfriend's brother Antonio Dawson, who still stood next to him, seeming to be as equally surprised and confused as he was, he made his way over to the office door and opened it, waiting for Erin, who looked equal parts stunned and angry, to leave the room first, so that they could escape the weird tension that had built within the time Erin had first crossed the threshold and this moment.

* * *

Erin's face flushed red in embarrassment and shame when Hank not only called her out on being late again, but on top of that had the nerve to insinuate that there was something going on between her and her new colleague.

He had no way of knowing that he'd hit the nail right on the head, when he'd assumed they were more than met the eye, but whatever there had been between them was long gone, at least she liked to believe that it was and how dare Voight bring it up now and in front of another co-worker nonetheless.

"Way to keep it professional, Hank," she huffed under her breath and turned around to get out of the room, but not before sending an angry glare in Voight's direction. If he thought he could talk to her like that and she would just take it without giving him a piece of her mind, he was thoroughly mistaken.

She had never appreciated him meddling in her personal relationships before, but this was definitely taking things to a new level of humiliation - one she would not stand for without putting up a fight, even if she wasn't interested in starting something with her new partner that would warrant the concern Hank had shown about them keeping things professional.

Things were complicated enough as they were already, without even thinking about rekindling an old flame, one that had probably burned out a long time ago.

Erin shook her head, she had to stop thinking about the past and their shared history and focus on the here and now in order for them to have a chance at a fresh start, but first she had to get her daily dose of caffeine, so she made her way into the break room, not bothering to check whether Jay was following her or not and ignoring the curious stare she received from Detective Julie Willhite, who sat behind her desk, reviewing some reports from the case they had closed last night.

* * *

Jay wasn't sure whether he should follow Erin, who seemed to be severely pissed at Voight for intruding in her personal life, or whether he should just wait outside of Voight's office until she had calmed down and was ready to show him around.

Not really feeling comfortable with standing around awkwardly in the almost empty bullpen, he decided following Erin would be his best option and headed after her into what he assumed to be the break room, waving at the blond detective Antonio had introduced him to earlier, before disappearing from her view.

* * *

Erin was still fuming when she got a mug out of the cupboard and filled it with the black liquid her body was so desperately craving. As despising as the district's coffee was, it would surely help calm her nerves.

She was just about to drink it, when she heard someone clear their throat and turned around to see her new partner had followed her into her safe haven.

Not caring what he thought of her, she took a big gulp, rolled her eyes and set her mug down on the counter before an annoyed "What do you want?" rolled off her tongue.

"Wow, touchy much?" Jay asked and quirked an eyebrow at her.

Sensing she was not in the mood for joking, he quickly added, "Can I have one, too - please?"

Erin briefly considered taking her mug and throwing its contents in his face, before relenting and silently pulling out a second cup, filling it and handing it over to him - after all he wasn't the one who had pissed her off in the first place and she'd never been able to resist the puppy dog eyes stare he was giving her right now.

Jay gratefully accepted the mug and brought it up to his lips to satisfy his own need for caffeine, almost emptying it with one large gulp, before spitting its contents back out and announcing, "Wow, this is seriously the worst coffee I have ever had, it tastes like a monkey peed in battery acid."

Erin snorted and couldn't help but ask, "How would you know what that tastes like?" "You learn a lot when you are far away from civilization and don't have the means to make yourself a fancy drink," he countered.

It was obviously meant to be a joke, but the mention of Jay's military time made Erin sober up pretty quickly, a dark shadow casting over her face when she was reminded of the reason she was so shocked to see him here in the first place.

Jay picked up on her mood change in an instant and felt bad for making things uncomfortable between them once again.

"Seriously, though. Don't you ever watch TV? That's a _Castle_ classic right there," he told her and hoped she wouldn't dwell on him mentioning his time overseas.

Erin wished she could yell at him right now for making jokes about his time as an Army Ranger, but that would mean she'd admit she cared and he didn't deserve that, at least not after what he'd put her through, intentionally or not.

All those years she'd thought she'd never see him again and now he was standing here in front of her, making jokes about it as if nothing had ever happened to him.

She was at a loss for words, although she had so many questions burning at the back of her head. She needed answers, but now was neither the time nor the place to get them.

She sighed deeply, building up the courage to say what needed to be said.

"Look Jay," she started, but was interrupted by his "So you do remember my name," almost immediately.

If looks could kill, Jay knew he would be six feet under right now, but he just couldn't resist teasing her, it felt as easy as it had on the day of their first meeting all those years ago, although Erin seemed to be tenser and more guarded for some reason, Jay had yet to figure out what it was.

Erin had never believed in the calming techniques Camille had taught her during her teenage years when she'd had to deal with the constant bullying of her classmates at St. Ignatius College Prep, but now the counting down from three to one in her head came in handy.

She closed her eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, opened them again and continued as if he hadn't said anything at all, "We're going to be partners for at least the near future, our life will depend on us being able to work together and trust each other and therefore I'd prefer the past to stay in the past. Yeah, we had a fun time a few years ago, but we both agreed it was a one time deal and I think it's best if we just forget about the whole thing, don't you agree?"

It pained her to see the look of hurt and confusion on his face. The guilt she felt for not telling him the whole truth was eating her up inside - maybe she should just come clean, tell him everything - he deserved to know, more than anyone else, but there were too many people's lives involved, it wasn't only their hearts at risk if things went wrong between them, she had to consider at least one more, one that was too innocent and fragile to be broken.

She vowed to herself, that she would tell him one day, she just had to get to know him better first and then she would hopefully be able to trust him with her biggest secret, a secret only the people closest to her knew about.

She was startled out of her thoughts by Jay quietly admitting that he was sorry.

"For what?" she asked, confused by his train of thought.

"For the way things ended. I know I should've called you back, but…" he trailed off, not sure if he was ready to share with her what he'd gone through just yet.

"It's ok. I, I shouldn't have called you in the first place." She wished he would stop being so nice and understanding, so that she wouldn't feel compelled to blurt out what she'd been meaning to tell him six years ago.

"But you said it was important. Maybe you want to tell me now?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

"No, it's better you don't know - at least for now," she whispered, almost on the verge of tears, now that she knew he'd at least gotten her voice mail that day and he had to strain to even hear the last part of what she'd said.

"Ok," he breathed, lowering his voice so it matched the volume of her breathy whisper in attempt to calm her.

"We can pretend nothing happened between us and focus on being partners and getting to know each other again. We clearly aren't the same people that we were six years ago. We don't even have to be friends, but we will have to talk about this at some point," he added as an afterthought, before extending his hand to hers.

"Deal," she said, a small smile adorning her face, when she took his hand, squeezing it once before letting go, putting her mug in the sink and making her way out of the room.

Attempting to sound somewhat normal and not like she'd almost had an emotional breakdown only a few seconds ago, she asked, "You coming? I have a whole district to show you after all and you wouldn't want to keep Platt waiting for too long, she isn't exactly known for her patience around here, so you better not get on her bad side on your first day."

Dropping his mug next to hers, he hurried after her, relieved that they had come to some sort of understanding for the moment and determined to not screw things up between them again.

* * *

"You know what?" he asked her, minutes later, when he was following her down the stairs.

"What?" she asked, halting her steps and turning around so abruptly he almost ran into her and only managed to catch himself right before he would've knocked her over.

"Wow easy there," she put her right hand out in an attempt to steady him and when it collided with his muscular chest, her traitorous mind decided to go against her again and provided her with flashes to a night when she'd gotten to lay her hands on the same part of his body, only without having the cotton barrier of his shirt in their way.

Noticing the intense look in his eyes and their close proximity, she dropped her hand from his chest and took a step back, which only resulted in him towering over her even more than he had before.

She gulped, before reminding herself that they'd just agreed to keep things professional between them and managed to not sound flustered when she repeated her earlier question to him.

He grinned at her, clearly pleased with still having that effect on her, and said, "I think we could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen..."

He threw in a wink for good measure and lightly punched her shoulder, before adding, "Partner" and stepping around her to continue his way down the stairs, leaving her to stand there dumbfounded, contemplating on how to respond.


	4. Have some Fun

**Title:** Love Will Remember

 **A/N:** I will start by giving a big **Thank You** to all of you who follow this story and added it to their favorites and of course to those of you who reviewed: **mimozascience, trublonde18, fruitybec, coffeebeanner, Thrisha06, Natascha2Tata, sassa01, ShimmerShimmerx, Michnkicks, NALEY23alwaysforever, 22Shay22, masalinstead** and the three guest reviewers! Thanks for making my day! So, this chapter starts right where chapter two left off… and things are heating up as promised :D I hope it doesn't feel rushed - when I first started planning this I didn't want them to take that step until they'd gotten to know each other at least a little better, but when I wrote it, it just felt right, since the shooting range is a special place for both of them and this is a special moment, plus I wanted them to be sober so they would remember this later on ;) Ok that's it for now, hope you enjoy reading and please forgive any mistakes (spelling or otherwise) - it's pretty late, so I think I might have missed some ;)

 **P.S.:** Happy belated Easter to everyone who is/was celebrating and Happy Monday/Tuesday to everyone who isn't!

 **Cover art by:** mehtiification

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD, its characters or any dialogue you recognize from the show nor do I own the rights to _Girls Just Want to Have Fun_ by Cyndi Lauper.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4:** _Have some Fun (When the Working Day is Done)_

February 2008

Jay Halstead had many skills, the ability to think quickly when put under pressure usually being one of them, but right now he was out of ideas, although he had purposefully let Erin win the bet so he could ask her to fulfill his debt by buying her a drink.

Being absolutely stumped on how to wow her with words, he decided to throw all caution to the wind and just go with what his gut instinct was telling him, knowing full well that this could backfire and he risked getting slapped or pushed away or both.

Locking his eyes in on Erin's, he slowly approached her, making no hurried movements as not to spook her - similar to a lion moving in on his prey.

Since they were standing in a shooting booth that was normally only occupied by one person, there was nowhere for her to go, but he made sure to watch her facial expression and then started to lean in, giving her time to object to what he was about to do, before finally losing his patience and pulling her towards him, erasing the little space left between them.

Erin watched him, wide-eyed, but made no move to stop him and instead closed her eyes in anticipation as Jay cupped her cheek in one of his hands and tangled the other in her hair, forcing her to connect her lips with his.

He could feel her tense up slightly and he knew that if she pushed him away now it would be over and he would've lost his chance with her for good, so he decided to step up his game and guided her back against the wall of the booth. When she parted her lips seconds later to let a breathy moan escape, he used the opportunity to let his tongue dip into her mouth.

* * *

Erin knew he was up to something when she saw the contemplating look on his face before he was suddenly moving closer and leaning in towards her and she didn't know whether it was out of shock or surprise that she didn't try to move away nor put some distance between them, before he would do something they both might regret later on.

Her eyes began to flutter shut of their own volition and, against her better judgment, she let it happen - only slightly tensing up when his hands were on her cheek and in her hair and his lips were on hers.

She wanted to push him away, her hands were already on his chest, so all she had to do was give him a light shove and he would stumble backwards into the opposite wall of the booth, but she couldn't bring herself to do it just yet.

For one he might get hurt when his head connected with the wall and secondly his chest felt really nice; her fingers skimmed down over the defined muscles of his abs, moving lower and finally came to a rest on his hips.

He pressed forward into her and managed to push her up against the wall that separated their booth from the one next to it. The action sent a wave of heat straight to her core and she couldn't help but moan at the feel of their bodies connecting in all the right places - she would've been embarrassed and trying to pull away, if it weren't for his tongue sweeping into her mouth.

She knew she was done for and no longer tried to resist him, fully engaging in a battle of tongues that ended much too soon for her taste, when he suddenly pulled away, stepping back to give her some space and time to catch her breath.

She took him in and while he looked completely unfazed by what had just transpired between them, she was a disheveled mess, panting for air, and to make matters worse she could practically feel the blush that was spreading out over her heated cheeks and neck.

Taking in her appearance, a smug grin appeared on his face and he had a victorious glint in his eyes - the clear blue orbs having darkened significantly, making them look like the deep blue sea during a heavy storm, while she resembled a shipwrecked woman drowning in it.

"So judging by your look and your eagerness to engage, it seems I was able to convince you of my qualities," he gave her a wink and moved to casually lean against the opposite wall of the booth.

She briefly contemplated smacking him in the face for being so cocky, but then he was right - the smug bastard.

"Not bad," she responded, ignoring the look of incredulity on his face for the time being, to focus on making him pay for kissing her like that out of the blue. "…but since you took longer than ten seconds to drive your point home, I'll take the check. Nice try though," she added and had to force herself not to laugh out loud as his cocky smirk faded away, making room for a downright crestfallen look.

Erin couldn't keep up her charade for long though and finally decided to put him out of his misery, "Oh relax, I'll let you buy me a drink, but only if I get to chose where we're going." A heart-stopping smile was back on his face in an instant, before he went to reply, "Bossy. I like it."

She quirked her eyebrow up at him and picked up her weapon, which she had discarded on the table in front of her earlier. "Don't make me want to shoot you, mister. You know you wouldn't stand a chance against me," she added playfully, before putting her shooting glasses back on with the hand that was not holding the gun.

"I wouldn't, would I?" he asked her mockingly and she couldn't let him win, so she moved forward and leaned in slowly.

He closed his eyes in anticipation, but she wasn't going for his mouth, instead she moved her head to the side, nipped at his earlobe and whispered, "I know you let me win, but I could've taken you easily if I had bothered to try just a little harder."

Each of her last words was punctuated with another small bite to his earlobe and Jay had to catch himself, before he lost it right there in booth number 11 of a small shooting range in Chicago, Illinois.

He let out a slow breath and she moved back to the table, throwing a "Catch you later, sunny boy," over her shoulder before turning back around and putting on her hearing protection.

* * *

Jay smiled to himself while he prepared to take his next shot - this day had definitely turned out to be better than he thought it would after his earlier conversation with his brother.

He wished Will would just stop trying to reach out to him and let him be for a while. He knew that he was not in a good place right now and it was best for him to be far away from this country and his brother, so he could try to forget and start to heal.

The events of last year were constantly playing on his mind and he didn't know how to overcome his grieve and the guilt he felt every time he was reminded of the fact that someone he could've protected, someone he should've protected, had died right under his watch.

Sighing he decided it was probably better for him to pack up and take Erin out for a drink, before he spent too much time in his head again and effectively ruined the good mood the girl in the booth next to him had managed to put him in.

So after emptying his weapon into the target in front of him, releasing at least some of the pent-up frustration that had build up inside of him during the last few minutes, he clicked the safety back on and laid the gun down, so he could open the gun safety case to secure it properly.

* * *

For the first time in years Erin felt like she'd made a genuine connection with someone other than people she considered her family. She didn't know what it was about Jay that made her want to trust him.

She'd only met him for the first time a few short hours ago, but she was so comfortable around him that it felt like they'd known each other for years and she really didn't know whether that was a good or a bad thing.

When she decided to break things off with a guy she'd casually dated for the past 4 months, a few weeks ago, she'd vowed to herself that she wouldn't get involved with anyone any time soon. Relationships were exhausting, people always started wanting more than she was ready to give after a while and she just wasn't cut out for it - she didn't do serious. Casual that was her forte, a random hook-up here or there, but as soon as feelings got involved she was out of there.

She'd never really trusted someone with her heart again after it had been broken by none other than Charlie Pugliese, when she was only 15 years old. She'd loved him or at least that was what she'd thought back then, foolishly mistaking him taking interest in her for something more than it actually was.

When she thought about it now she'd loved the idea of them, the idea of someone caring about her miserable existence enough to see past the fact that she had a junkie for a mother, a father who was in jail and lived her life on the streets, someone who accepted her for who she was and who didn't judge her or the choices she'd made.

How wrong she'd been to think that Charlie would be that someone for her. He'd only used her to get the three things his life revolved around: sex, drugs and money.

What had hurt even worse than the realization that he'd just used her, making her feel dirty and worthless, was that as soon as she'd not taken his shit anymore and started telling him no when he was getting rough with her, he'd dropped her like a hot potato and moved on to his next unsuspecting victim, that to Erin's dismay had been her best friend Annie.

She'd hated Charlie's guts from the moment he had laid his eyes on Annie after a night of getting drunk and high. She'd known from the leer in his eyes that he was dead set on making her his. Sweet little innocent Annie who wouldn't hurt a fly and who couldn't have resisted his advances even if she'd tried.

Every time Erin thought back to that particular part of her past and how Charlie had not only screwed her but Annie over as well, she was caught by a sudden wave of fury crashing over her. She couldn't be more thankful to Hank Voight for the favor he'd done her by literally driving Charlie out of Chicago and telling him in no uncertain terms that if he'd ever end up back in Erin's near proximity, Voight would make sure that that would be the last time their paths crossed.

Shaking her head, trying to get the unpleasant memories out of her mind, she decided that Jay better made good on his promise to buy her a drink as soon as possible. She really was in need of one after this little trip down memory lane.

After she'd safely stored her gun away, being careful not to remove her ear muffs or shooting glasses just yet, after all she didn't know whether Jay was preparing to shoot another round of bullets into his target, she made her way over to his booth and saw that he too had just packed his weapon away and seemed to be ready to get out of the gun range.

* * *

He could feel her presence behind him and turned around with a huge grin on his face, removing his eye and hearing protection, while watching her do the same.

"You ready to get that drink?" he asked and when she nodded her head in confirmation, he grabbed his gun case and motioned for her to go ahead.

They made their way to the locker room in comfortable silence and Jay offered to return her equipment to the shooting range's storage room and also let Sergeant Hamilton know that they were done, while she was grabbing her personal belongings and getting ready to leave.

* * *

They agreed to meet in the entry hall 10 minutes later, which left Erin plenty of time to rethink her decision to go and grab a drink with a man who had been a total stranger to her only mere hours ago.

She weighed the pros and cons in her head and ultimately came to the conclusion that the fun she'd surely be having was worth the risk, plus Jay seemed to be the whole package: smart, funny, good-looking, not to mention his kissing skills which - she acknowledged without envy - were as impressive as his shooting skills.

Thinking back to how good it had felt to be pressed against him, she involuntarily shuddered and a pink flush spread out over her cheeks just as the object of her desire reappeared in her sight of vision.

Luckily for her Jay went straight to the door and held it open for her, without taking a closer look at her face, so even if he were to notice her reddened cheeks when they were outside she could always blame it on the cold winter air.

"After you my lady," he chuckled and mock-bowed in front of her, before letting her pass through.

"Oh wow, I didn't think true gentlemen still existed," she retorted and laughed at the affronted look on his face.

"I'll have you know that my mother raised me to be nothing less than that," he quipped and made his way down the stairs.

"Really? She must be so proud of you," Erin teased, completely missing the wistful expression that overtook Jay's face for a split second, while she was skipping among the pavement a few steps ahead of him.

"I like to assume she is," he responded quietly, thinking that she wouldn't catch his answer above the street noise of the Chicago night life, not aware that she'd understood every word he'd said.

Sensing, that talking about his mother must be a sore subject, Erin turned around to face him and held out her hand.

Confused as to what her intentions were he just stared at her until she rolled her eyes and simply said one word, "Keys."

When he still didn't seem to catch on, she said, "I told you I got to chose where we'd go."

"Yeah I remember that, but what I don't remember is agreeing to letting you drive my car. For all I know you could be the worst driver in the history of driving and make us crash the second you start the car."

Enjoying the look of outrage on her face, Jay defensively crossed his hands in front of his chest and waited for her comeback.

"You know that insulting me and my driving skills for that matter isn't going to get you anywhere, right? In fact I am doing you a huge favor, by simply allowing you to be in my presence, let alone keeping me company for more than just a few seconds, so I suggest you play nice and give me those car keys right now, pretty boy, or I'll walk away and you'll never get to experience how _fun_ hanging out with me really can be."

Grinning cockily, it now was Erin's turn to cross her arms in front of her chest, waiting for him to make his next move.

"You think I'm pretty?" he smirked and raised an eyebrow at her, purposefully concentrating on taking what was meant to be an insult as a compliment.

"You sure are full of yourself, if all you got from that is that I think you're pretty, which for the record I don't. But go ahead suit yourself, I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would jump at the chance to buy me a drink and maybe have some fun afterwards," she said, her raspy voice dropping a whole octave lower while she was saying the last four words.

Watching her standing there in front of him, clad in a red leather jacket and black skinny jeans, her frame illuminated by the light of a street lamp nearby, biting her lower lip and looking at him suggestively he wanted nothing more than to skip the drinks and take her home straight away, but taken aback by the intensity of his attraction to her, he decided handing over his keys to her would be the safer option, so he fished them out of his pocket and dropped them into her waiting hand.

"I knew you'd come around eventually," she beamed, obviously being more than pleased that she'd gotten what she wanted.

"Yeah well, you made a pretty good point," he admitted and started walking into the direction of a 1988 Pontiac Fiero that was parked only a few feet away.

"Are you going to open the doors anytime soon or are you planning on staying rooted to the spot?"

"You're funny. I have to give you that, but seeing just what you're driving I'm beginning to rethink my decision to give you a chance." Erin eyed the 19-year-old vehicle suspiciously as she unlocked the doors, almost expecting it to fall apart around her, when she sat down on the driver's seat.

Chancing a look at Jay out of the corner of her eye, before she closed the door and buckled her seatbelt, she caught him staring at her, narrowing his eyes for a second, but ultimately deciding not to take offense at her words.

"Clearly, you don't know a good thing when you see it." He chuckled and added, "This is a 1988 Pontiac Fiero and it has not once disappointed me during the past eight years, but if you'd rather drive your own car, you know where the door is."

"Thanks, but I think this one will suffice - it won't take us long to get there anyways," she was quick to respond, eliciting a short laugh from Jay.

"You don't even have a car, do you?"

Cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment, Erin busied herself with turning the key in the ignition and starting the car, opting to ignore Jay's question and instead focusing her attention on the deserted street in front of them and pulling out of the parking spot to get en route to their next destination.

* * *

Erin was glad that Jay didn't dwell on her not owning a car, but instead decided to drop the subject and asked her how long she had until she'd finish the police academy and if she knew what she wanted to do after she'd completed her field training.

The conversation between them flowing easily, they reached the pub Erin had had in mind in less than 20 minutes and she was almost sad when they had to leave the confines of the Fiero to cross the street and make their way into the traditional bar that had once been a grocery store.

* * *

"So, _Lotties_. You come here often?" Jay asked a few minutes later, when they were seated at the bar of the 1934 establishment, both having a beer standing in front of them.

"Every once in a while," she answered, casually taking a sip of her beer. "Sometimes I just like to let loose and have some fun, when the working day is done." She winked at him and put the bottle down on the counter. Smirking, she brushed her hand against his arm and added, "If you get what I mean."


	5. But I Go Nowhere

**Title:** Love Will Remember

 **Cover art by:** mehtiification

 **A/N:** Who knew I would manage two updates in one week? :D I'm sry for delaying this chapter a day though :( For some reason I really struggled writing this and I'm sorry if Platt is a little OOC. I really love her character, but find it kinda hard to capture her personality. I tried my best, but I still think I didn't do her justice… So in this chapter you'll get to know a little more about what exactly Erin's hiding and some Voight/Erin and Erin/Jay interaction, as well as a special guest star appearance by Erin's best friend Annie I found it odd that she got introduced at the end of season 1 only to be never heard of again, so that's why I wanted her to be a part of this story. I tried to include the Jay/Voight conversation, but it just didn't fit in, because this chapter is mainly about Erin, so I decided I'd put the things Jay's been up to and how he experienced his first day at the 21st District in chapter 7. Thank you so much to the people who favorite and follow this story, as well as **NALEY23alwaysforever, Demi101, SoFeelingTheLove, mimozascience, Laura251, trublonde18** and the three guest reviewers for your kind reviews! As always I'm sorry for any mistakes (spelling or otherwise) that I missed and I hope you enjoy reading!

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD, its characters or any dialogue you recognize from the show, nor do I own the rights to _Stop and Stare_ by OneRepublic.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5:** _(I think I'm Moving) But I Go Nowhere_

January 2014

Deciding that ignorance was her best way of ensuring that she wouldn't overstep any invisible boundaries they had just agreed on setting, Erin didn't bother to comment on Jay's statement about them having the ability of being a great team and instead focused her attention on showing him around the district while also introducing him to some of the people he would be working with or at least be seeing on a daily basis.

One of those people being the 21st's Desk Sergeant, Trudy Platt, who was known to prefer a regime of tough love over giving her subordinates a pep talk. It was also a well known fact that she didn't like a lot of people out of the many patrol officers and detectives that were working in the district, but for some reason she seemed to have a soft spot for Erin Lindsay.

When Erin and Jay arrived at her desk, Sergeant Platt was in the middle of yelling at two officers for getting a scratch on a vehicle that had been on loan from another district.

"How am I supposed to explain to the people at the 26th that one of their brand new cars, that they so graciously lent us, now has a big scratch on the driver's door? I can't very well tell them that the two of you were too dumb to not scrape a concrete pole while parking it, or maybe I'll do just that, so everyone can see what a disgrace to the uniform you two are. What are you waiting for? Get out! Do not come back until that mark of shame has disappeared and do not think for one second that the district is going to pay for your lack of common sense. I will personally make sure that the money used for fixing this will be coming out of your paychecks."

Glaring at the two scared-looking officers in front of her, Platt waved her hand as if to shoo away some pesky insects and turned her attention to the two new arrivals, changing her demeanor almost instantly when she recognized her favorite detective among them.

"Erin, how are you this morning? You seemed to be in a hurry when you got in. I hope nothing bad has happened. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Shifting her attention from Erin to Jay who looked surprised by her sudden change of behavior, she added, "And what's that look for? Never seen two ladies having a conversation before?"

Jay couldn't help but chuckle at the one-eighty the desk sergeant had just pulled right in front of them, not realizing his mistake before he received an elbow to the rips from his new partner and registered the look of annoyance that had manifested on Platt's face after his little slip-up.

"Something funny, Chuckles?" Trudy Platt asked, sweet venom lacing her words.

Before he could manage to dig himself into an even deeper hole than he already was in, Erin decided it was time to step in and diffuse the situation as best as she could.

"Hi, Sergeant. We were just stopping by to get Detective Halstead's paperwork. He is working in Intelligence as of today, so it's rather urgent."

Nodding and smiling sweetly at Erin, Trudy took out the forms that needed to be filled in order to make Jay an official member of the Intelligence Unit and handed them over to Erin, glaring at Jay while doing so.

"Thanks." Erin said and grabbed Jay's arm to pull him along in the direction of the locker room and to ensure that he didn't get the chance to alienate their colleague any further.

"My pleasure," Trudy stated and nodded at Erin, before adding, "Make sure that he gets these forms back to me soon, preferably yesterday. I do have other things to do and can't wait all day until smiley face here gets his lazy ass moving…"

Giving a wave of acknowledgement, Erin continued on her path to get a mildly amused looking Jay out of the desk sergeant's way and didn't even bother dignifying her latest dig at him with a reply. She had long gotten used to Platt and her snarky comments and since she had never been the target of any of them, why get involved? It was a losing battle anyways.

* * *

"Here we are," Erin said only a few minutes later. "As you may have already guessed this is the locker room. I assume Platt will assign you a locker after you've completed your paperwork. On that note: Didn't I tell you to watch yourself around her, so you wouldn't get on her bad side?"

"This rule doesn't seem to apply to you, so I thought I'd give it a go and just be my charming self," he replied, laughter dancing in his eyes.

"Yeah, well I'm special," she informed him, winking at him and spinning on her heel, looking back over her shoulder just in time to catch his "I bet you are," in response to her statement.

Halting in her steps, she waited for him to follow her out of the room and thrust the forms she still carried in her arms into his, before turning back around and taking off to the next destination of their tour.

* * *

Barely 15 minutes later, they were back in the bullpen and Erin exhaustedly sunk down into her chair.

Not falling back into old habits and respond to his teasing and flirting had been a real struggle. At least being in the tech room with their colleague Detective Sheldon Jin had provided some sort of relief - even if it was only short-lived - because Jay and Jin had seemed to hit it off immediately and had fallen into an easy conversation, which Erin had blocked out in favor of thinking about what she was going to do if Voight or anyone else ever figured out just what kind of deep running connection the female detective and her new partner shared.

Rubbing her temples, in attempt to relief some of the tension that was causing a headache to form, but being stuck at her desk writing reports for almost an hour now, all Erin wanted was to go home, forget that Jay had made a reappearance in her life, curl up under her covers and sleep. Unfortunately Voight picked that moment to poke his head out of his office and gestured for her to come in.

Sighing she got up, wondering why he'd not called her in earlier, seeing as Jay had finished his paperwork and had already been downstairs to give it to Platt and had also managed to make a coffee-run during the time she was stuck sitting at her desk - he had also dropped one of the hot beverages he had gotten down in front of her, which she had gratefully accepted and had proceeded to stare at her, concern lining his features, the whole time she had been busy scribbling notes onto the paper in front of her.

She was almost glad for this interruption, since she hadn't been able to concentrate anyways, the lines in front of her eyes almost blurring due to her lack of sleep and had caught herself stopping her writing several times in favor of staring back at Jay, whose favorite new activity to pass the time seemed to be watching her every move and making her feel self-conscious in the process, when her phone suddenly started buzzing.

Signaling her boss that she'd be a minute, she picked it up and answered, her heart rate quickening and worry clouding her mind when she took a look at the caller ID.

* * *

"Annie, what's up?" She greeted her long-time best friend, while making her way into the break room, to prevent her nosy colleagues from overhearing the conversation she was about to have.

"Hey, Erin. I know I said I could handle it and you didn't have to worry…" she started, unable to finish what she was about to say due to Erin's concerned voice interrupting her mid sentence, "Is something wrong? Did the coughing get worse? When I went to work I didn't think it would come to this. Where are you? Do you need me to come to the hospital? I know I shouldn't have left this morning, it was bad all night and now it's worse. I'm a horrible person…"

"Erin, relax." Annie's soothing voice almost didn't register in Erin's guilt-filled mind, already busy making up worst case scenarios. "ZJ's fine and asleep right now. There's been a slight rise in temperature, but I don't think it's a fever just yet."

"Thank God," Erin sighed. "And thanks for calling, even if you scared the hell out of me."

"I knew you'd want to know, but that's actually not why I called," Annie replied. "The reason I almost gave you a heart attack is that ZJ wanted you to be home with us. I know you have a slow day today and I just thought maybe Hank would turn a blind eye to you leaving early, considering that you've worked so hard during the past few days…"

"Of course, I'll be there as soon as I can. I finished most of my paperwork yesterday anyway, so there's not much left. Do you think you two will be ok for another hour?"

"Sure, see you then."

"Bye, Annie," Erin said and ended the call, running a hand through her hair, feeling awful for not being able to leave right away and for having been preoccupied with thinking about Jay for the past hour.

ZJ's well-being should always be her first priority and she'd jeopardized that in favor of coming in to do paperwork of all things.

* * *

Shaking her head, she left the break room and grabbed her coat from the back of her chair, before entering Voight's office, being fully aware of the curious and concerned stares her colleagues, particularly her new partner, who was seated at the desk opposite hers, were sending her way.

Closing the door, she suddenly remembered why Voight wanted to talk to her in the first place and her anger at being reprimanded in front of her coworkers returned full force.

Voight watched her change in demeanor in amazement and decided to not give her the time to come up with an excuse for her weird behavior this morning, "Don't bother trying to lie to me, Erin. I know you and I know when something's up, so you want to tell me what it is?"

Thinking of all the things she could say in answer to that question, she decided to let her anger go for the moment and just be honest, "ZJ's sick, that's the reason I was late this morning. I have been up all night trying to find a way to stop the coughing fits that came almost out of nowhere and then ZJ's temperature started rising early this morning. I would've called in sick, but Annie offered to come over and stay until I got back home. It's her day off, so she didn't mind and Travis is already at school and staying at a friend's place for the night, but I was wondering if I could leave now, I think I'm needed more at home than here at the moment."

Concern and understanding dominating his usually rough features, Hank nodded and added, "I'm sure the kid is going to be ok. ZJ's a tough cookie, but what about you?"

"I'm fine, Hank," she said, part out of habit and the other part consisting of not wanting to admit how scared she'd actually been that something could've happened to the only good thing that had ever come out of her existence.

Her pseudo-father raised an eyebrow at her, but decided to let it go. Erin seemed dead set on not talking about her feelings and he didn't want her to blow up at him. She already had enough on her plate and looked like she could use some rest instead of a confrontation about the state of her emotions.

"You take the rest of the day off and I don't want to see you here until that little firecracker gets better, understood," he gruffly ordered, the last part coming out more as a statement than a question. "We'll talk about the rest when you get back," he added and turned back to the forms lying on his desk.

She felt tempted to make a comment about him staying out of her personal business, but since he had just given her the green light for taking time off to take care of a personal matter, she decided to cut him some slack and save that disaster of a conversation for another day.

Erin was almost out of the office, when Voight called her back, "Oh, Erin make sure to give ZJ a hug from me and keep me updated. Also, tell Halstead I want to see him in my office, now."

Nodding, Erin opened and closed the door of his office and made her way over to Jay's desk.

He grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, trying to look busy and not like he had waited for her to leave their boss's office.

Smiling at his failed attempt to conceal his curiosity, she lightly tapped his shoulder to get him to look at her, "Voight wants to talk to you, oh and I'm leaving for the day, so try and don't burn the place down while I'm not here to stop you."

Not waiting for his response, she bid Antonio, Julie and Alvin Olinsky, who had popped up out of nowhere the second she'd left Voight's office, goodbye and made her way out of the bullpen, down the stairs and out of the district.

* * *

Opening the door of her car, Erin exhaled and dropped down into her seat, breathing a sigh of relief that she got to go home and could escape at least some of her problems for the day.

She was almost tempted to close her eyes just for a second, the exhaustion and not having slept in over 24 hours finally taking its toll on her body, but she pushed herself to just hold on a little longer. She had to get home safe, so that she could make sure that Annie and ZJ were doing ok. So she buckled her seatbelt, put the key into the ignition and started the car, before finally pulling out of the 21st District's parking lot and onto the road that would take her home.

* * *

Luckily Erin didn't run into any traffic problems on her way back to her apartment and managed to get there relatively quickly.

She was glad her building had an elevator - otherwise she'd probably not even make it up to the 3rd floor, given the fact that she was practically dead on her feet.

Finally standing in front of apartment 310, she pulled out her keys, unlocked the door, opened it and went inside, immediately stripping off her coat and removing her shoes, before closing the door and making her way into the living room where she found Annie sitting on the couch, watching some reality TV show with the volume turned down low, as not to wake the other, still sleeping, inhabitant of the apartment.

While Erin collapsed onto the soft cushions of her couch, Annie turned off the TV and took in her friend's appearance.

"Are you ok, Erin? You look even worse than when you left a few hours ago."

Giving in and telling Annie just how awful she felt would be so easy, but Erin decided that it could wait until she'd checked up on ZJ, so she just nodded and mumbled "I'm fine".

Pushing herself into a sitting position, she turned slightly, so she was able to face Annie and then turned her head into the direction of her bedroom, "Is ZJ still in there?"

"Yeah," Annie confirmed. "Wouldn't leave your bed even when I said I'd bought that special ice cream you both seem to like so much."

A small smile began to form on Erin's face at her friend's attempt to cheer her little patient up - ZJ and Erin both loved their strawberry mint ice cream.

Annie patted her on the shoulder and got up, walking over to the kitchen. "I'm gonna start some chicken soup, so you go ahead and check up on ZJ."

Erin sent the mother of her godson a grateful smile and made her way into the master bedroom that was adjoining the living room.

The room was dark except for the mild glow of light one of the small lamps sitting on her bedside table provided and it took Erin a while to adjust her eyes to the semidarkness.

Her green orbs were set on the small figure huddled under a plethora of blankets, face half hidden beneath the bedspread, a wild array of red curls sticking out from underneath.

She quietly tiptoed over and brushed some stray locks of hair out of ZJ's face, that felt a little warm to the touch, cupped one of the sleeping little figure's cheeks in one of her hands and gently stroked it, resulting in ZJ shifting slightly under the covers and unconsciously leaning into the touch of the one person that made the ginger feel safe, secure and at home.

A single tear ran down Erin's face, her heart filled with love and regret, for not being with her little bundle of joy and happiness sooner, at the sight in front of her.

Careful not to wake ZJ, Erin withdrew her hand and slowly stepped away from the bed, turned around and left the room, leaving the door ajar, so she wouldn't miss ZJ calling out for her, if the sleeping redhead were to wake up.

* * *

Erin found Annie in the kitchen and slumped down onto one of the bar stools that stood in front of the kitchen counter. Resting her head on her hands, she eyed Annie, who had currently turned her back to her and was stirring the chicken soup.

After having lowered down the heat on the stove, Annie turned her head and gave Erin a knowing look, "Seems like you had a rough day."

Erin chuckled humorlessly, "Oh you have no idea."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Annie questioned and came over to the kitchen island to sit opposite Erin, watching her cautiously.

Everything in Erin screamed for her to brush Annie off and lie, say it was nothing important, not while the person she cared most about in this world was sick and miserable, but Erin was tired, she was so tired of shutting people out and keeping secrets, so she decided she could at least be honest with Annie and tell her the truth.

"I saw Jay today," she whispered. Not being able to look Annie in the eye while keeping her face free of emotions, she didn't see her friend's reaction, but heard her gasp slightly.

"Jay as in THE Jay, as in…"

"Yeah that Jay," Erin cut the blond short before she could say the words Erin didn't want to hear, didn't even want to acknowledge.

"But I thought he was…"

"Out of the picture? So did I…" Erin interrupted her once again.

"So, he's back." Annie stated, looking at Erin who nodded her head in confirmation.

"Have you, have you talked to him?" Annie knew Erin would feel uncomfortable discussing this with her, or anyone for that matter, so she decided to try a gentle approach.

"Kinda hard not to when he's my new partner," Erin responded, shaking her head at the irony of fate. Six years ago she had been ready to tell him, but didn't get a chance to, now she had the chance to tell him, but wasn't ready to do it.

Finally risking a glance in her friend's direction, Erin looked up, finding Annie's shocked eyes staring back at her.

"I remember you telling me that Hank wanted to assign you a new partner, but I would never have guessed that it would be him, I mean you told me he'd…" Seeing the pained expression on Erin's face, Annie didn't continue and opted to shut her mouth closed instead.

"I really thought that, you know. I mean if I'd known he was… around, life could've been so much easier for all of us. I wouldn't have expected him to support us or anything, but it still would've been nice to know that he was there…"

Still reeling from Erin's confession, Annie tried to get back to her earlier line of questioning, "So, you've talked to him, but not like talked talked…?"

Guilt and shame flooding Erin once again, she shook her head no and began tracing invisible lines on the back of her hand in an attempt to distract herself from the fact that she hadn't managed to tell Jay the whole truth about the consequences of that night they'd shared.

"Every time he's near me, it's like everything stops. I just... stop and I stare at him. I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere. It's like he has this ability to render me speechless by just looking at him," she admitted, clearly confused and upset by what was happening to her.

"You should try to get to know him better - maybe it will get easier to talk to him if you've adjusted to being around him again. But please promise me that you will tell him Erin. He deserves to know and if he finds out on his own this will all blow up in your face and you know it," Annie pleaded with her.

Erin wanted to bring up the fact that Annie hadn't told Charlie he had a son either, but she knew opening that particular can of worms wouldn't do any of them any good, so she just sighed and told Annie she would tell Jay when the time was right, whenever that would be.

"Does Hank know?" Annie asked, eying her curiously.

"God no. He would have Jay's head on a stick if he were to find out. You know how protective he is of me and of ZJ. I told him it was just some guy and I couldn't remember his name, way back when I found out, so he has no idea that Jay and I share more than wearing a badge and gun, although I think he got suspicious of my behavior when he introduced me to Jay this morning. I really hope he won't find out anytime soon. I know he would be disappointed that I didn't tell him personally and he would've Jay transferred to god knows where in the blink of an eye…"

"Are you sure he would be so hard on him?"

Erin looked at her incredulously, "We're talking about the man that banned a man from ever setting foot in this city again for having slept with me, among other things, so why would you think he would treat Jay any differently?"

Erin knew talking about Charlie was bound to hurt her friend, but she needed to make her understand that Hank Voight wouldn't care whether Jay was a lowlife on the streets or a detective with an extremely good reputation - he had slept with Erin and had turned her life upside down in the process, so for Voight he would be on the same level as any other man that had ever treated her wrong in her life.

Sensing that trying to talk Erin into telling at least one of the two men in her life what was going on would get them nowhere, Annie got up off her stool and went back to stirring the chicken soup.

"Why don't you go lie down on the couch and I'll wake you when lunch is ready?" she suggested.

Realizing just how exhausted she really was, Erin couldn't find anything wrong with that idea and got up as well, making her way around the kitchen island, to gently squeeze her friends shoulder in a rare show of affection, that was never displayed in front of anyone who Erin didn't consider her closest family.

"Thanks for being here for us today, Annie."

"You'd do the same for me and there really is no place I'd rather be right now," Annie said sincerely, warming Erin's heart.

* * *

A few hours later, Erin awoke with a start, the first thing registering in her mind was the weight of a small body on top of hers, safely snuggled into her embrace, a small hand placed directly above her heart.

She smiled thinking back to the day ZJ had done that for the first time, feeling a pang in her chest when she remembered who else had been present for this event.

Mindful of the small body she was holding in her arms, she carefully brought herself up into a sitting position, realizing that she must have slept for the better half of the day, since the only source of light in the apartment was provided by a floor lamp in the corner of her living room, and reached out her hand to readjust the blankets that had been draped over them, no doubt courtesy of Annie, so that they wouldn't fall off when she carried ZJ back into the master bedroom.

Laying the sleeping redhead down onto the bed, making sure the child wouldn't get cold during the night, Erin leaned down and pressed a kiss to ZJ's temple.

On her way back to the living room, Erin thought about the disturbing dream she'd had. Jay had shown up at her apartment out of nowhere, demanding to know why she'd kept ZJ hidden from him all those years, which was highly unlikely to happen in reality, but not the thing that had rattled her the most about that figment of her imagination, it had been the fact that Jay had shown up in his military uniform, bleeding from a bullet wound to the heart that should've made him drop dead to the floor instantly, but hadn't deterred him from yelling at her and asking to see ZJ.

Erin shuddered and padded into the kitchen, turning on the lights, to find a note from Annie sitting on the kitchen counter:

 _Dear Erin,_

 _I left some chicken soup and ice cream for you in the fridge. ZJ woke up shortly after you fell asleep, but you looked so exhausted and we didn't want to wake you, so we ate and watched a movie in your room. The cough is getting better and ZJ's temperature is almost back to normal. The cold medicine for the night is already administered, so you don't have to worry about anything for now. I'll be back to look after you in the morning. Love, Annie_

Erin didn't know what she'd done to deserve this kind and loving woman, but she was grateful for having her. Annie had been Erin's family when her own mother was too high or drunk to care and they had been through so much together, that she couldn't imagine her not being a part of her life.

A faint knock at the door interrupted Erin's musings and she quickly crossed the short distance to the front of her apartment, taking a glance at her watch and wondering who had decided to disturb her peaceful night at this late hour.

Glancing through the peephole and seeing who it was, she was tempted to pretend she wasn't home, but decided against it when the knocking started again, this time more insistent. She didn't want to risk having ZJ torn from sleep, because the child really needed it.

Taking a deep breath and steeling herself for the conversation that was about to happen, she swung open the door and asked, "What are you doing here?"


	6. All the Single Ladies

**Title:** Love Will Remember

 **Rating: strong T**

 **A/N:** As always a big **Thank You** to all of you who follow this story and added it to their favorites and of course to those of you who reviewed: **NALEY23alwaysforever, 22Shay22, mimozascience, sassa01, Natascha2Tata, SoFeelingTheLove, ShimmerShimmerx, gator114, trublonde18, xLoVexBubblesx** and the two guest reviewers! Also thanks to all of you for your patience during the past few weeks. This chapter is set in 2008 again, so it's another flashback chapter and it is a continuation of chapter four. I think some of the scenes in this chapter are actually the first I wrote for this story, before I even started working on chapter one :D Also this was heavily inspired by scenes from 2x02, 3x05/3x06 and 3x19. Extra points to those of you who can guess by which fictional character the redheaded bartender was inspired ;) The morning after will be in chapter eight and might include some brief flashes from the night before, but nothing too explicit ;) I hope you enjoy reading and please forgive any mistakes (spelling or otherwise).

 **P.S.** I'm really sry for the delay, I planned to have this up on Saturday (2 weeks ago), but life got in the way, so you get it today in celebration of Jesse Lee Soffer's birthday. I'm not sure whether I'll have time to post chapter seven next week, so sry in advance if it takes me another week to post it ;)

 **P.P.S. I'd like to thank NALEY23alwaysforever, mehtiification and 22Shay22 for their continued support and encouragement! Without your kind words and reassurance I probably wouldn't have been able to upload this today. Thanks so much to 22Shay22 for reading this over for me and helping me straighten things out!**

 **Cover art by:** mehtiification

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD, any dialogue you recognize from the show or its characters nor the rights to _Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)_ by Beyoncé.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6:** _All the Single Ladies_

February 2008

Pretending to look grossed out by Erin casually mentioning that she came to the bar to pick up guys, Jay took a long sip of his cold beer before saying, "Really? I didn't need to hear that."

"Aw, jealous?" Erin asked while barely managing to hide her laughter.

"Do I look like I'd have a reason to be jealous?" Jay questioned, shooting her a curious glance.

Erin took the time to study him intently, leaning closer to inspect him more thoroughly and after letting her gaze slowly sweep over his form, she stated, "I think you should be fine - you definitely lucked out in the looks department, so that's a plus. But whether you lucked out in the brain department as well has yet to be determined."

Jay knew she really enjoyed teasing him, so he decided not to react to her small dig at him and just continue their conversation.

"You know, usually that's what all the single ladies fall for: My rugged good looks and my razor sharp mind," he deadpanned.

"Is that so? So you're meaning to tell me you've actually got both - form and function?"

"I know it's rare, but when it comes together…" he trailed off, his lips quirking up and his eyes dancing with mirth.

Erin snorted, "You're funny."

Jay held up his beer as if to toast her and said, "I aim to please," before taking a long gulp from the bottle and setting it back down on the counter in front of him.

"Oh my god, you did not just say that," was all Erin managed to reply, leaving Jay seemingly unfazed, only winking at her when he countered, "I think I just did."

She shook her head at his antics and said, "I think I might need something stronger than this if I have to put up with you all evening." The smile that lit up her face managing to take the sting out of the insult.

Jay eyed her for a moment before waving the bartender over and ordering two shots of tequila, which resulted in Erin nodding at him appreciatively, adding, "Now we are talking."

Waiting for the shots to arrive, Erin angled her body so that she was facing Jay once more and asked, "So what's the deal with your car?"

Jay narrowed his eyes at her in response, finished his beer and said, "My mom bought it as a present for my brother's graduation and he gave it to me when he moved away, so it's kind of a family heirloom, if you want to call it that."

Hesitating for a brief moment, he added, "Now it's your turn."

"My turn?" she looked at him questioningly, absentmindedly playing with the beer bottle in her hand and starting to peel off its label.

Just before Jay could manage to reply, the bartender arrived back with the shots and set them down in front of them.

"Two tequila shots with lime and salt coming right up," he said and winked at them before disappearing to take care of the next order.

* * *

Downing her shot and enjoying the burning feeling at the back of her throat, Erin eyed Jay from the corner of her eye and felt her lips involuntarily pulling upwards into a smile, responding to the one her companion was currently sporting.

Going to _Lotties_ with the prospective patrol officer had turned out to be the best decision she'd made all day and that was not only the alcohol, currently flowing through her system, talking. No - Erin was actually enjoying Jay's company and that was not an easy feat to accomplish, given her closed-off personality and normally anti-social nature. She'd been hurt too many times before to trust someone easily, let alone consider the fact of letting them into her life, but Jay had managed to tear down most of her walls in a matter of hours.

She knew she should be more guarded, but every time she looked at him, saw him laughing and joking as if he had no care in the world, she felt something warm her from the inside and she was desperate to keep that feeling, so she decided to humor him, when he asked her to share something about herself in return for the information he'd shared with her about the origins of his car.

"I have a brother too," she volunteered, pouring another shot of alcohol from the bottle of tequila they had been provided with, once the bartender had realized that they would keep ordering them as the night progressed, and downing it before continuing, "…he is younger than me, six years actually."

A wistful smile crept onto her face when she remembered the happier times Teddy and her had spent together when they were younger and Erin had still been around to look out for him, before the Voights had taken her in and Teddy had pulled away from her, thinking she would abandon him just like his parents did.

Teddy had disappeared almost four years ago, but it still hurt like hell when she thought about it. She should have fought Bunny over custody for Teddy, even if she could barely take care of herself, she would've made it work somehow, would've done anything to make sure her brother was alright. But he hadn't wanted her help, had lashed out at her, when she'd suggested asking Camille and Hank to take him in as well and said he didn't need their charity. That he was capable of handling his life on his own, whereas in reality he had just been a stubborn and deep down scared 13-year-old boy.

"Hey."

Erin shook her head, trying to chase the thoughts about her past away, when she felt Jay's hand lightly touching her shoulder.

"You just spaced out for a bit," he told her, his blue eyes full of concern.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "my past usually isn't a topic I like to talk about. Brings up too many memories."

She didn't have to add the "bad" to memories for Jay to understand what she was getting at; he was all too familiar with the pain talking about family could bring.

"It's ok," he assured her, making sure to look into her green eyes, so she could see he really meant it.

"Thanks," she breathed and smiled at him gratefully, determined not to let her brief excursion into her past put a damper on her good mood.

"I think it's time we talked about something more interesting," she said and looked at him for a moment. "Tell me about your first kiss."

Jay groaned and rolled his eyes, but went along with her change of topic nonetheless.

"Really? Of all the things you could ask me, you decide to go for that?"

Erin chuckled, her mood getting better by the second when she sensed his obvious discomfort.

"Just be glad I didn't ask you about your first time, or about how many women you've slept with," she replied. "Or was it really that horrible? Wait, you have actually kissed a girl before tonight, or was I your first?" she teased, her eyes dancing with laughter when she saw the horrified look on Jay's face.

"I can't believe how we got from talking about my car to the point where you're basically assuming I've never been kissed or have kissed anyone before you came along. This is ridiculous…"

His outrage only managed to make Erin laugh harder. Trying to pull herself together, she said, "Well, I'm just trying to have a conversation here, if you don't want to, we can always try and work on your kissing skills. Given the fact that I was your first kiss _that_ might take a while."

When he didn't respond immediately, Erin thought she might have taken her teasing a tad too far, but was pleasantly surprised when he got up off his stool and leaned down to capture her lips with his.

Sighing contently, her response was instant this time. No trying to push him away or trying to pull away. Although she wasn't usually one for shows of PDA, this was different.

After a few seconds Jay slowly pulled away, a smug grin adorning his face, similar to the one he'd sported after their first kiss at the shooting range.

"Do you still think I need to work on my kissing skills?" he asked her, confidence of his abilities written all over his face.

"I think… you're a very fast learner," she replied, still a little out of breath and trying to gather her thoughts.

"And I think you need to admit to yourself that I'm the best kiss you ever had," he shot back cockily.

"Please… You're not even in my top 10," she countered, both of them knowing full well that she had been lying through her teeth.

"Wow that was a low blow. You know I might've considered telling you about my first kiss, but now you won't get it out of me, even if you had me tied down, without water or food for days," he told her, not liking the mischievous glint in her eye she got when he mentioned the possibility of her tying him down.

"So... you like to be tied down? Anything else I need to know before the evening continues?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Jay said, "but if you're into that stuff, I'm sure I could find a pair of handcuffs at my apartment, so we could arrange for _you_ to be tied down."

He raised his eyebrows suggestively at her and downed another shot of tequila, refilling his glass the second he'd put it down on the counter.

Against her will, Erin's breath hitched at the thought of Jay cuffing her to his bed and she had to look away to prevent him from seeing how much it had affected her.

"In your dreams," she countered and reached for her own shot glass to try and quell the need to grab him and kiss him again that had seemingly come out of nowhere after his little proposition.

Deciding that she needed to put some space between them, before things could get more out of hand, she excused herself and headed for the bathroom, leaving Jay sitting at the bar, downing another shot of tequila and wondering what had just happened.

* * *

Inside the bathroom, Erin splashed some cold water onto her face and took a deep steadying breath.

What was she doing? The pull towards Jay was getting stronger by the minute and the amount of alcohol she'd already consumed was definitely not helping her control herself around him. It only helped in reducing her to her basic instincts, the need for some form, any form of body contact currently taking over her thoughts.

Another splash of cold water onto her face, managed to at least let her rethink her plan to go back out, pay for the half of a bottle of tequila and two beers they'd had, grab Jay by his shirt, drag him into the next available cab and take him home to her place.

She looked at herself in the mirror, darkened green orbs and a flushed face staring back at her, and decided to order some water before she went all cavewoman on Jay.

* * *

Feeling slightly buzzed, Jay thought it might be better if he ordered another round of beers instead of continuing with downing shot after shot of tequila, so that he could at least try to keep up a conversation with Erin for the moment.

He smiled when he remembered her flustered look while he was talking about handcuffing her earlier. He had been joking, but seeing the look on her face had put some images in his head that were definitely not appropriate for a quiet evening at a bar.

Signaling the barkeeper to come over, he realized that a new shift must've started without them noticing, because the bubbly redhead sauntering over towards him was definitely not the burly looking guy who had taken their orders before. In fact she seemed vaguely familiar.

Furrowing his eyebrows in concentration, he was still trying to place her in his slightly inebriated state, when she beat him to it, "Hi, what can I get you? Jay, is that you?"

Hearing her voice finally managed to do the trick and Jay remembered that he'd met the girl before, "Chloe, fancy running into you again. I didn't know you worked here."

Smirking, the ginger responded, "I just started a week ago. Had I known you frequented this place on a regular basis, I would've started working here ages ago."

Laughing at her comeback, he retorted, "Today is my first time. And to be honest, I'd probably not even be here if it wasn't for…"

Before he could finish his sentence however, he sensed Erin's presence in the room, and instinctively turned his head, to discover that she was indeed back from her little trip to the restrooms and standing only a few feet away, watching them intently.

He sucked in a breath and her name rolled of his tongue involuntarily, completely oblivious to the fact that Chloe had backed off and left to serve another customer as soon as she had spotted the source of Jay's change in behavior.

* * *

Seeing a busty redhead invading Jay's personal space, flirting and laughing with him was definitely the last thing Erin had expected to come back to when she had made her way back into the main room of the bar. She stopped short at the entrance to the restroom area to observe the scene unfolding in front of her, feeling a twinge of something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

It was gone as fast as it had appeared and she shrugged it off. She had no right to be put off by this girl flirting with Jay. She didn't own him and if he wanted to, he could go home with the ginger. It wouldn't matter; at least that was what she told herself. Just because they had kissed and he had bought her a few drinks didn't mean he owed her anything. Although Jay didn't strike her as the type of guy that would go home with the first floozy who threw herself at him, so maybe she'd read the situation wrong entirely.

Deciding that standing there at the entrance to the hallway leading to the restrooms wouldn't do her any good and that it was time for her to face the music, she started slowly walking over to the couple at the bar and it was as if he had somehow sensed her presence, because shortly before she reached them, he turned around, spotting her standing rooted to the spot a few feet away from him and locked eyes with her, making her breath hitch in her throat, while she could practically feel the magnetic pull between them.

* * *

A short "Er," left his lips as she came up next to him. Unable to fight the invisible force that was drawing her closer, she sat down, emptied her beer bottle, turned to face him and placed a hand on his shoulder lightly, before saying, "Jay, having fun?"

Jay looked back and forth between Erin and Chloe who he now realized must have left his side as soon as she had seen Erin approaching and was now busy talking to a customer at the other end of the bar.

"Jealous?" he grinned, repeating the question she had asked him earlier.

"Please," the brunette recruit said, "have you seen me?"

"Have you seen her?" Jay countered, clearly enjoying getting her back for being cocky earlier and seeing the look of mock outrage on her face.

"If you so desperately need to get into someone's pants, I'm sure I could help you out…," she trailed off, purposefully licking her lips after the last words had left her mouth.

Jay, tracing the movements of her tongue with his eyes, breathed out a surprised "You could?"

"Yeah," she answered, looking contemplatively at him, before stating, "I could be your wingwoman."

To show that she was serious and after getting a kick out of the surprised and confused looked on Jay's face, she raised her arm and waved the bartender over.

"Hey, what can I get you guys?" the redheaded beauty asked, leaning over towards them just far enough to present them with a clear view of her cleavage while raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"A bottle of vodka and your number if it isn't too much trouble," Erin said sweetly, batting her eyelashes at the ginger.

"How about you tell me your name first," the bartender said, chuckling lightly in response to the embarrassed flush that spread over Erin's face when she registered just how her question must've sounded.

"Not for me," she hurried to clarify, "I'm just… asking for a friend."

Chloe looked back and forth between Erin and Jay, who seemed to want to be anywhere else but at the bar with them in that moment, and bit back a laugh before saying, "Sadly, it seems that your _friend_ is not interested."

"Maybe you should give him your number instead," she added with a wink, before sauntering off to get the requested drink.

She returned shortly after with a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses, setting them down in front of them. "First two are on the house. Enjoy the rest of your date, Jay."

Speechlessly staring after the redhead, Erin turned her attention back to her companion, who shook his head and reached for the bottle to pour two shots of vodka.

Gaining back her ability to speak, Erin punched his shoulder, almost causing him to spill the clear liquid onto the counter.

He set the bottle down and looked at her questioningly.

"As much as I enjoy your violent outbursts, what exactly was that for?"

Deciding to let his dig at her go in favor of getting him to tell her the truth, she fixed him with an inquisitive stare. "You totally know her."

"You could say that," he smirked and downed his first shot of vodka.

Not needing him to elaborate on his statement, Erin came to her own conclusions pretty quickly.

"You slept with her," she deadpanned, clearly amused by seeing how uncomfortable Jay had seemed to get as soon as the words had left her mouth.

"Um, no?" he said, the last word coming out more as a question than a statement. Taking one look at her raising her eyebrows at him knowingly, he adjusted his response.

"Eh, we've played Scrabble at her apartment, like once…"

"Really, that's the best thing you could come up with?" she asked him, her amusement getting the better of her and making her add an, "I truly hope that you're better at playing _Scrabble_ than you are at lying," as an afterthought.

"I'll have you know my Scrabble skills are extraordinary," he said, his tone taking on a teasing note.

"You are a real wordsmith aren't you?" she chuckled. "So, are you planning on showing me what you've got, or are you all bark and no bite?" she wondered, eying him curiously.

"Are you trying to get me to play Scrabble with you too?"

"Depends," she hesitated briefly and he cocked his head at her, intrigued.

"On what?"

Seeing his curiosity piqued, she felt a little giddy; part due to the alcohol in her system and part due to the insane tension that was brewing between them, waiting to explode.

"…on just how extraordinary your skills really are - it takes nimble fingers and great precision to get it right. If you're lucky you might even be able to hit a triple letter score."

Her fingers made her way on to his knee while she was saying the last part and slowly began dancing up and down the inside of his thigh.

Watching his reaction, which was sending her a smoldering hot look and grabbing her hand to prevent it from going any higher, she used her free hand to pour two more shots and downed hers quickly, before smirking. "We should get out of here."

Jay copied her actions, downing his own shot, before throwing some cash on the counter in front of him. "Okay, we're out of here, we got to go."


	7. Nobody Knows

**Title:** Love Will Remember

 **Cover art by:** mehtiification

 **Rating** : s **trong T**

 **A/N:** So I'm back ;) Once again I didn't manage to update on Saturday like I had planned to, but at least the new chapter is here now :D Like I said in the **AN** of chapter 5, this chapter is mostly dealing with what Jay has been up to after Erin left the district, although it starts right after they leave the locker room and go on their little tour, so you'll get to see things from Jay's perspective as well. It also includes some Jay/Erin moments, the Jay/Voight talk in Voight's office and you'll finally find out who was at the door ;) Thanks again to the people who favorite and follow this story, as well as **Josie92,** **xLoVexBubblesx,** **Natasha2Tata, Michnkicks, LILYPADROX, NALEY23alwaysforever, coffeebeanner, ShimmerShimmerx, masalinstead** and the two guest reviewers for your kind reviews! As always I'm sorry for any mistakes (spelling or otherwise) and I hope you enjoy reading!

 **P.S.:** I want to dedicate this chapter to one of my closest friends, **mehtiification**! Happy belated birthday, dearie :) Thx for encouraging me to write this story, for continuing to read it and telling me your thoughts, despite the fact that you don't even watch the show ;)

 **P.P.S.:** Thanks again to **22Shay22** for your awesome feedback and input! I really appreciate your help. It's always nice to have a second opinion on things and you manage to make me notice things I would've overlooked otherwise.

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD, its characters or any dialogue you recognize from the show, nor do I own the rights to** _ **Uncover**_ **by Zara Larsson. Also the quote about the eyes being the mirror of the soul I used is from** _ **Manuscript found in Accra**_ **by Paulo Coelho, although I altered it slightly to make it fit better.**

* * *

 **Chapter 7:** ( _Nobody Sees) Nobody Knows_

January 2014

Meeting Sergeant Trudy Platt had been interesting to say the least. Jay had to give it to the woman that she had stood her ground and seemed to be taking no nonsense from anyone, as far as he'd noticed.

Trying to figure out Erin Lindsay proved to be a far more difficult task than coming to the conclusions he had reached about the desk sergeant.

He tried to pay close attention to what Erin was saying while they made their way around the district, but his thoughts kept going back to the first time he had seen her that morning in Voight's office and how all color had seemed to drain from her cheeks when she'd registered his presence.

Thinking back to the day they had last seen each other, Jay couldn't remember doing anything that would have warranted her reacting so violently to the two of them being in the same room.

Shaking his head and deciding now was neither the time nor the place to think about it, he tuned in back to Erin's explanations just in time to catch her saying that they were about to reach the tech room.

Still not fully aware of what was happening around him, he almost ran into her when she stopped in front of a door, knocking two times to let the person in charge of manning the room know someone was there.

A few short minutes later Jay found himself deeply engaged in conversation with Detective Sheldon Jin, the tech expert of the Intelligence Unit, while secretly stealing glances at Erin, who seemed to be bored by the topic of their current discussion and, judging by her stiffened posture and tense shoulders, wanting to be anywhere else but in this room with them.

Sensing Erin's discomfort and the uneasiness that was radiating off of her in waves, Jay decided to cut their visit short. After having exchanged phone numbers, he promised to catch up with Jin later on in the week over a couple of beers, before he took Erin by the elbow and guided her out of the room.

If she wasn't comfortable with him touching her, she didn't show it, but as soon as they had left Jin's presence and were out in the relative safety of the secluded hallway leading up to the tech room, she pulled her arm from his grasp and glared at him.

"I don't remember telling you it was ok for you to touch me," she huffed indignantly, still fixing him with a disapproving stare.

He looked at her taken aback by her sudden change in behavior and was about to say something when she beat him to it.

"I'm sorry," she breathed out, "it's just I thought we'd come to an understanding about keeping things professional and I can't have you touching me whenever you feel like it. People are not stupid, Jay; especially not the people working in this unit. Sooner or later they will realize something's going on and they'll start asking questions. Questions we don't want to have to answer, because we know what happens if the truth were to get out."

She looked at him pointedly, trying to get her point across, that it would be him and not her that would have to leave the unit if things went south and Voight discovered the truth about their real first encounter.

"Relax," Jay chuckled, "…nobody sees and nobody knows. Besides it was completely innocent; I was barely even touching you. Also, I don't remember you telling me I needed an invitation for doing it. In fact I recall that the last time I _touched_ you," he smirked, enjoying the way a blush crept onto her face at his emphasizing of the word 'touch', "you seemed to be really into what I was doing to you, judging by the look on your face and the sounds you made while I was doing it."

Not giving her a chance to reply, he turned around and began walking back the way they had come; at least he hoped it was the way leading back to the main area of the district.

He was glad that Erin caught up to him after he'd only managed to take a few steps and immediately took the lead, but not before narrowing her eyes at him, muttering, "You seem to have an overactive imagination, why don't you use it to figure out how to get back to your desk on your own."

Barely being able to keep up with her, after she had suddenly adjusted her pace so that she was almost running the way back up to the district's ground floor, he managed to ask, "Oh? So that wasn't you who wouldn't stop screaming at the top of her lungs then, practically begging me to go harder and faster? My neighbors even approached me about it the following day."

The last question had Erin stopping dead in her tracks. "You never told me you got a noise complaint from your neighbors," she said, looking at him accusingly. The still fresh blush on her face only intensifying at his unintentional admission.

"Well, I might have exaggerated the last part a bit," he confessed, adding "… it was only one of my neighbors. The one with whom I shared a bedroom wall at the time and it most definitely wasn't a complaint."

He risked stealing a glance at her and found the look on her face turning from ashamed to downright mortified, but decided to continue his explanation, knowing full well that she wouldn't like what she was about to hear.

"…and I thought you'd appreciate not hearing about how the girl I got it on with, according to my neighbor, managed to make his night with her loud moans and screams of pleasure. He even said 'Dude, her voice sounded like that of a real life porn star. Is it always that raspy or does that only happen during sex?' Instead of telling you about it, I opted for doing the gentleman thing: punching him in the face for making a comment like that and threatening to do it again if he ever talked about you that way again."

Erin looked at him equal parts horrified and disgusted. "So he not only heard us, well me, but decided to what… get off to it?"

Although it was posed as a question, Erin knew by the look on Jay's face and his earlier comment about making the other guy's night that her assumption had been right and she'd hit the nail right on the head.

"I hope you broke his nose," she said, shuddering at the thought of some creep listening to her having sex while being on his way to his own happy ending.

Not wanting to continue the conversation, she looked at him with determination in her eyes, ready to tell him once again that they couldn't keep doing this. That bringing up the past wouldn't do them any good and that a repeat of their shared night could and, more importantly, would not be happening. That there was too much at stake, with them working together, Voight finding out and the risk of Jay finding out about something — more specifically, _someone_ else, before she was ready to tell him about them.

Feeling her eyes on him and seeing her mouth open, Jay just stared at her intently, hoping to stop her from saying whatever it was she was about to say, sensing that he wouldn't like it.

He watched her opening and closing her mouth, no sound coming out, fully aware of the war that was going on inside her head, because it was reflected in her eyes.

' _Your eyes are the mirror of your soul, Jay. They reflect everything that seems to be hidden deep inside of you, tucked away for no one to see. Never forget that_ ,' he remembered his mom telling him when he was younger and thought that it had never been more accurate than in that moment when Erin offered him a glimpse into her soul and mind by just looking at him.

He gave her another one of his charming smiles, "How about we talk about something else, like for example how you're planning to welcome me into the unit properly. I didn't see a cake this morning, so I hope there'll at least be donuts when I come to work tomorrow morning."

"Keep on dreaming, Halstead," Erin chuckled and rewarded him with a small grateful smile of her own, acknowledging that she appreciated his attempt to lighten the mood and him not mentioning her little gaping-like-a-fish incident, before rounding a corner, effectively putting a stop to their conversation and leading them back into the busy entrance hall of District 21.

* * *

About an hour later, Jay was bored out of his mind. He had already accomplished all of his tasks for the day — he had filled out his paper work and had given it to Platt, who had barely spared him so much as a glance and just waved him off dismissively. At least she hadn't thrown another insult at him, so that was a small progress, at least in his eyes.

Going on a coffee run afterwards had not proven to be as helpful in distracting him from letting his mind wander to Erin and her motivation for being all hot and cold with him, ever since she'd stepped food in Voight's office that morning, as he'd thought.

On the contrary, it had only provided him with more time to think about her and that was why he couldn't stop himself from looking over at the brunette every so often and hoped that she would provide him with some kind of clue as to what was going on inside her head.

Jay knew she was aware that he was watching her and he had just decided to take a trip to the break room in hopes of her getting the hint and following him inside. He wanted them to have another chance to talk — maybe he could suggest they met up somewhere outside the district after she would be done for the day, so that they would get to have a conversation without having to fear someone from the unit might overhear them — when Hank Voight stuck his head out of his office and requested Erin join him.

Jay was a little disappointed, but quickly forgot about it when Erin's cell phone started ringing and he noticed her demeanor changing once again, after she'd taken a look at the caller ID.

His eyes followed her when she got up and made her way towards the break room to get some privacy, only dropping down back onto his desk after the door had been closed and the blinds were obstructing his view.

When the door opened again, only a minute later, she seemed to have gotten bad news, which was evident by the distraught look on her face and her tense posture, but she still walked straight inside their boss's office to talk to him.

Jay's curiosity got the better off him and he strained his ears to hear any words that might make their way through the thin walls of the office and travel across the bullpen. He could make out Erin's raised voice, but her words were muffled and he couldn't make sense of what she was saying. Finally, he gave up and just waited for her to return to her desk.

The young detective didn't have to wait for long until the doors to Hank Voight's office flew open once again and his new partner marched out, coming directly over to his desk.

Trying to look busy, he scribbled something on a blank piece of paper lying in front of him, hoping she wouldn't bring up that he'd been staring at her for the better part of the last hour.

* * *

Approximately five minutes later Jay was standing in front of his sergeant's desk, who had motioned for him to take a seat, which Jay had politely declined, but seeing the look in Voight's eyes he decided maybe submittal was the better strategy and sank down on the chair positioned opposite his boss's desk.

Not sure how to proceed, Jay waited for Voight to say something first, but the sergeant seemed content sitting in his chair, watching him. It instantly had the desired effect of making Jay feel uncomfortable, although he managed to not let his nervousness show. He was ex-military after all — being stared down by a superior was not an uncommon occurrence.

Voight seemed to be getting tired of the staring contest fairly soon anyways and Jay watched him pulling a gun and a badge out of the bottom drawer of his desk, laying it down on the wooden surface of the piece of furniture separating them.

"Here's your badge and gun. I hope I won't regret making you a part of this unit, Halstead." Looking at him meaningfully, Voight made sure Jay knew that he was serious.

Jay nodded in response and reached for the items placed in front of him, when the older man held out his hand, effectively stopping Jay's movement in its tracks.

"I'd like to say something else before you take these," pausing for effect, Voight narrowed his eyes at him, "This unit — the unit you only got in because Antonio vouched for you and because your skill set could prove to be useful in the future — is not just a team of people who work together on a daily basis. It is a family. A family who respects each other and trusts each other to have their back, be it out in the field or back here, twenty-four/seven. To be a member of this family you have to earn trust and show your respect by being honest, paying attention to the rules set and not breaking them. If there is anything you'd like to tell me, there's no time like the present."

Jay knew Voight would probably not only kick him out of the unit but out of the district as well if he ever got to know that the young detective had slept with his partner, so he opted to stay silent and shook his head no.

"Alright then," Voight didn't seem pleased by Jay's refusal to take his bait and changed his tactics, "Since Erin won't be in for the next few days, you'll be partnered up with Detective Olinsky for the time being, but I expect you to start watching her back the second she gets back here - nothing more, nothing less, understood?"

"Yes, sir," Jay replied, surprised that Erin's sudden leave would be more permanent than she'd made it out to be. He was itching to ask why she wouldn't be coming in, but was worried that he might overstep some kind of invisible boundary by asking Voight and not Erin herself.

Sensing Jay wanted to ask something, but was hesitant about voicing his question, Voight gave him an impatient look, "Just spit it out, Halstead."

"Is Er…, um Detective Lindsay, is she ok?" he questioned, barely managing to avoid using the nickname Erin had told him all those years ago.

"I thought I made myself clear earlier - _Erin_ is off limits." Putting a little extra emphasis on her first name, Voight fixed Jay with a stare that would have even hardcore criminals running for the hills, but didn't seem to have any effect on Jay, who just shrugged and said, "And I thought as her _partner_ you said I was supposed to have her back, I'm just looking out for her."

Voight was still suspicious of the ex-ranger seated in front of him. He hadn't missed his almost slip up with Erin's old nickname, but Jay had used his own words against him, so Voight decided to be the bigger person and give him at least some sort of explanation for Erin's absence, even if he thought that it was not any of Halstead's business.

"It's a family matter. She'll be fine. I'll see you here tomorrow morning, 8 o'clock. Don't be late."

Not wanting to test his luck with his new boss on his first day any further, Jay got the hint and got up, quickly taking hold of his new badge and gun, before making his way out of the office.

"Halstead—"

Not counting on Voight calling him back, Jay turned around in surprise. Voight didn't even bother looking up at him while simply saying, "Have a nice day."

* * *

Jay was glad that he was done for the day, Voight's little comment at the end of their latest conversation had really set him on edge and he wasn't sure whether the sergeant would ever get past his obvious dislike of him.

He sighed and grabbed his coat off his chair, giving the three remaining detectives a wave in goodbye and turned to walk down the stairs, when he heard Antonio calling for him to wait up.

"Hey," the senior detective said and put an arm around his shoulders in a friendly manner, "I'll walk you out."

Jay chuckled in response and the pair continued their way out of the building. They didn't say anything else until they had made it outside and were walking towards Jay's car.

"So, how do you like working in Intelligence so far?" Antonio asked curiously.

"I don't know," the younger detective admitted. "I mean, I've only spent a few hours here. Getting to know people and the hang of things will take some time. Plus, the only work I did today was filling out some forms, soo…" he trailed off, deciding to leave out the ' _and having to deal with my partners attitude_ ', so Antonio wouldn't suspect anything. It was bad enough Voight had it out for him - he didn't know how the brother of his ex-girlfriend would react to the news that Jay not only had been in a relationship with his baby sister, but also had slept with what seemed to be his new boss's favorite student.

Antonio laughed, "Yeah just be glad you weren't here a few days ago, it was pretty rough man. I'm glad I get to go home early today and can finally spend some quality time with my family."

"How are Laura and the kids?" Jay inquired, his mood lifting while he thought about Eva and Diego. Antonio was a lucky man.

"They are doing great, just missing their husband and dad."

"That's good," Jay said, nodding absentmindedly, already thinking about getting his running clothes out and going for a run to clear his mind, so he could come up with a plan how to best approach Erin about the talk they needed to have.

He wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about what had happened to him in Afghanistan, but he owed her an explanation and from what she'd said to him earlier, it seemed that she also needed to talk to him about something, even if she didn't seem quite ready to share it with him yet.

"Jay?"

Realizing he had spaced out, Jay turned his attention back to the man in front of him.

"Sry, Tony. What did you want to know?"

"I just wanted to know if you're alright, you were checked out for a minute. Got something on your mind?"

"No. It's just, what's the deal with Voight? Is he always like that?" Jay asked, the ' _or is it just because he doesn't like me,_ ' left unspoken.

"Don't worry, as long as you stay out of his way and don't break any of his rules, you should be fine," Antonio smirked and clapped his friend on the shoulder.

"Although if I were you, I'd quit staring at Erin every chance I get. Makes you seem like a creepy stalker." The corner of his mouth lifted up as he added, "even if she's just as bad as you." Antonio tried and failed to suppress a laugh, seeing a look of guilt flashing across Jay's face, resembling that of a little boy who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar by one of his parents.

"You know, I just remembered I didn't feed my dog this morning, I gotta go."

Turning around and hurrying the last few steps towards his car, he left Antonio standing in the parking lot, shouting, "I didn't know you even liked dogs much less that you owned one! How come you've never mentioned this to me before?"

Jay just waved at him, pretending to not have heard any of the things being yelled at him and got into his car, slamming the door shut while letting out a sigh of relief after having escaped his friend and his nosy questions.

Sometimes Antonio was too observant for his own good and Jay shouldn't have expected any less from a man who worked in a unit that was under the leadership of Hank Voight who seemed to have his eyes and ears everywhere. Especially in places where they were not wanted.

* * *

The drive back to his apartment had been uneventful and Jay was glad that he would have the rest of the day to himself. Maybe he could make a quick stop at the gym after he'd be getting back from his run, he hadn't done much to stay in shape after his last undercover assignment had ended and he'd been shot.

Quickly changing from his street clothes into his sports gear, he grabbed his keys, leaving his newly acquired badge and gun as well as his wallet and phone at home, not wanting to carry the unnecessary weight with him, and left his apartment.

He had just rounded the corner, when he spotted one of his neighbors, an elderly lady, Mrs. Wolowitz, struggling to open her door while holding onto a bag of groceries.

He hurried over and grabbed the bag just before it fell down to the floor, managing to avoid having it spill its contents all over the floor.

Mrs. Wolowitz threw a thankful look his way and unlocked her door, motioning for Jay to follow her inside where they were instantly greeted by a little brown ball of fur dancing around their legs in happiness.

Jay had barely had time to close the door in order to prevent the second inhabitant of the apartment, who was currently waggling her tail and looking up at him with her big chocolate brown eyes expectantly, from running out into the hallway and causing mayhem.

"Oh Cinnamon, don't be a bother, come over here you little sneak and don't go begging for treats," the old lady admonished her dog and made her way over to the kitchen, Jay and Cinnamon both following after her.

"You're a life-saver, dear," Mrs. Wolowitz told him when Jay set the bag down on the kitchen table and started unpacking the groceries, so they could be stored away properly.

"Could I convince you to do me one more favor?" she asked hopefully, using almost the exact same look on him that her dog had used minutes before.

"Sure," he said, nodding his head to reassure her that he really didn't mind.

"Could you take Cinnamon out for a walk? My feet are killing me today and my son and his wife are out of town, otherwise I would've asked them."

"It would really mean a lot and you know that she's a fast runner. She'd surely be able to match whatever pace you set," she added, after having taken in his dressing attire for the first time.

Jay didn't even have to think about it for a second - he loved the little dog and never turned down an opportunity to spent time with her. He hadn't known just how much he'd missed taking her out for a walk, whenever his neighbor wasn't feeling up to doing it herself or was visiting her second son and his family who lived in Canada.

As long as he'd been undercover he'd not been able to spent time at his apartment and had told Mrs. Wolowitz, that he was going on vacation, visiting his brother in New York.

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask you. How was your vacation? It must've been great seeing your brother, after not having had a chance to for years."

Jay felt a twinge of guilt at having lied to his neighbor and also because he hadn't even called Will to let him now that he was back from his undercover assignment and had started a new job.

"Yeah it was really nice," he said and hoped she would refrain from asking him anymore questions about his trip.

Picking up on Jay's uneasiness, Mrs. Wolowitz didn't continue her line of questioning, but instead picked up Cinnamon's leash and handed it to him.

The little dog barked excitedly when she saw Jay bending down with her leash in his hand and started trying to pull him towards the front door as soon as he'd connected it to her collar.

Her attempts proved to be futile given the fact that she was too small and weak to provide a real challenge for the about six-foot-tall detective.

Bidding goodbye to Cinnamon's owner, Jay made his way out of the apartment. The little dog was hot on his heels when he walked down the stairs and out of the apartment complex he lived in.

* * *

When he returned about 2 hours later, the Yorkshire terrier was fast asleep in his arms. He had really managed to tire her out, but Jay himself didn't feel much better. His lungs burned and his bones ached. He really should've started out on a slower pace after not having trained for such a long period of time.

Luckily Mrs. Wolowitz seemed to have used her two hours of solitude well and was quick to open her door when Jay knocked, thanking him for always helping her out and taking the sleeping animal from his arms, so that Jay was free to take out his keys and unlock the door of his own apartment.

Once he'd stepped inside, he dropped his keys on the small coffee table in his living room, stripped out of his jogging gear and took a quick shower to allow his aching body at least some sort of relief.

Putting on some comfortable shorts and a hoodie, he settled down on his couch and ordered some Chinese takeout, he wasn't in the mood to cook and Chinese sounded like a great idea.

While waiting for his meal to arrive, he turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. Not being able to settle on one of them though, still thinking about Erin and the best strategy to approach her about having a talk outside of the district.

By the time the food had arrived, Jay had decided that he'd call up Jin and ask him to find out Erin's address for him. That way he could stop by her place and talk to her in an environment that she felt more comfortable in, so she'd be less likely to shoot him down.

He wasn't sure if Jin would do it and as suspected it took Jay bribing Jin with free beer for the rest of the month and denying his involvement in the whole thing if Erin were to ask him about who'd given Jay her address.

Satisfied, Jay scribbled down the details on a piece of paper and finished eating his food.

Deciding he could try and watch some more TV to calm his nerves before making his way over across town to go and talk to his partner, Jay finally managed to settle on a channel that was showing a documentary about wild animals and their hunting behavior.

He hadn't watched more than ten minutes, when he felt his eyes starting to droop and he thought that getting some shut eye, so he would be well rested before facing Erin, couldn't hurt, allowing his eyelids to flutter closed and being pulled under in a dreamless sleep.

* * *

It was already dark outside, when Jay stirred a few hours later and he cursed when he took a look at his watch, scrambling to his feet, dumping the takeout containers in the trash and making his way over to his bedroom to change.

He accomplished getting ready and getting a six pack of beer out of the fridge in under five minutes and made his way down towards his car. The piece of paper reading Erin's address safely stored away in the left pocket of his coat.

* * *

The drive across town had felt shorter than he'd anticipated it would and before he knew it he was nervously standing outside the door of apartment 310, debating whether it had really been the brightest idea to show up at her door step at 10 at night, unannounced.

He wouldn't begrudge her if she were to open her door and close it straight in his face or if she decided to not open it at all.

Getting ready to leave and just wait until she'd return to work to approach her, he changed his mind again and raised his fist to knock on her door lightly.

After there was no response for a couple of minutes, he tried again, knocking more insistently this time, resulting in the door swinging open quickly, startling him, fist still raised midair, prepared to knock again.

There she was, standing in front of him in all her disheveled glory, her hair still tussled and clothes rumpled from sleep.

"What are you doing here?" were the first words leaving her mouth and Jay's greeting instantly died on his tongue.

Gulping heavily after taking in the surprised and slightly annoyed look on her face, he decided offense was his best defense. He picked up the beer he had put down on the floor a few minutes earlier so that it wouldn't get in the way while he was knocking on her door, and held it out in front of him as a peace offering.

"Can we talk? I brought beer."


	8. No Place I'd Rather Be

**Title:** Love Will Remember

 **Rating: strong T**

 **A/N:** To the people who read, favorite and follow this story: **Thank You.** Your continued support means a lot to me! And thanks again for your patience. I'd love to get back to weekly updates, but unfortunately it's impossible for me at the moment :( Special thanks to **SoFeelingTheLove, Josie92, LinsteadTVfreak, xLoVexBubblesx, Tvloverchicago, Natascha2Tata , NALEY23alwaysforever, ShimmerShimmerx, Petra, Laura** and the other guest reviewers for your awesome feedback! Also thanks so much to **Natascha2Tata** and **NALEY23alwaysforever** for encouraging and inspiring me to not give up on getting this chapter done, despite hitting a pretty bad case of writer's block! So this is the 'morning after' chapter. We'll obviously get lots of Erin/Jay moments and scenes in which both of them come to terms with what happened between them individually. There'll also be a special guest star appearance by someone from Jay's past ;) I hope you enjoy reading and please forgive any mistakes (spelling or otherwise).

 **P.S.: To my beta, 22Shay22: I seriously don't know what I'd do without you! Thanks for always taking the time to read this over before I upload it and getting it back to me so fast, especially this chapter because it was so long and FFnet was giving you trouble with sending it back to me. I really appreciate all your help and your feedback!**

 **Cover art by:** mehtiification

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD, its characters or any dialogue you recognize from the show nor do I own the rights to** ** _Rather Be_** **by Clean Bandit feat. Jess Glynn.**

* * *

 **Chapter 8:** _No Place I'd Rather Be_

February 2008

A sudden roll of thunder startled Erin awake, making her wish she could just go back to sleep and ignore the pounding in her head for a few more hours. She felt like she had been run over by a truck, her body aching in all the right and all the wrong places.

She didn't think getting up would be an option in the near future, so she snuggled deeper into the warmth that the blanket covering her body was providing. Belatedly realizing that there was no actual barrier between her skin and the bed sheets, her eyes flew open immediately.

After she had managed to adjust them to the semi-darkness of the room - the only source of light a stream of daylight that shone in through a small gap between the curtains hanging in front of the window - and had taken a peak at what lay hidden beneath the bedspread, she knew that her suspicions about her not wearing any clothes were correct.

Raising her head slightly, she took in her surroundings properly for the first time. She let her gaze sweep over the room once, coming to the conclusion that the room she woke up in was not her bedroom.

Had she not been severely hung over, her first instinct would have surely been to find her clothes and get out of here - wherever here was - as fast as possible; without ever looking back.

The only good thing in this whole mess was that she was alone. That at least meant she didn't have to face the person she had obviously ended up sleeping with last night.

Her memories were all fuzzy and the last thing she could remember clearly was having drinks at _Lottie's_ with…Jay. Yeah, Jay - the equally smart and hot police officer she'd met yesterday at the gun range.

She couldn't remember anything after that, but guessed from her missing clothes that she must have ended up going home with him.

Groaning, because of the pain radiating through her skull, and frustrated because she couldn't fill in the blanks of her memory, she laid her head back down on the pillow that it had previously been resting on, trying to force down the wave of nausea that hit her out of sudden. The last thing she wanted was for Jay to find her laying there in her own vomit, proving that she couldn't hold her liquor as well as she'd thought.

Erin knew she couldn't keep hiding in his bedroom forever though. So she turned her eyes to the night stand on her left and a small smile crept onto her face when she spotted a bottle of water and two pills of Aspirin next to it.

She took them gratefully and washed them down with the clear liquid that Jay had graciously left for her, deciding to turn on the bedside lamp in order to be able to survey the room further.

The brunette winced a little due to the unsuspected brightness of the lamp's light and turned her curious eyes on to the empty spot next to her. They landed on a piece of paper resting on the pillow that Jay's head must have laid on not too long ago.

Scrunching up her eyebrows in confusion and almost immediately regretting it - because it only intensified the pounding in her head - she reached across the small space and grabbed the note. She could tell that that was what it was from the writing on it, and read what Jay had wanted her to know:

 _Had to leave and take care of something. I'll probably be back in a couple of hours, so if you decide to stick around, I left coffee and breakfast in the kitchen for you. If not, just make sure to close the door on your way out._

It was short and direct, giving her the option to leave, without having to face him, but also telling her that she was welcome to stay if she felt inclined to do so.

Although her stomach still was a little queasy, Erin knew she had to eat something in order to get better. But first she had to find her clothes. She didn't want to risk running into Jay in all her naked glory, although she supposed he'd already seen plenty of her in her 'birthday suit' last night. _'Obviously smartass, otherwise you'd still have your clothes on,'_ a tiny voice at the back of her head supplied cheerfully.

She chose to ignore it in favor of searching for something she could use to wrap herself in. That way she didn't have to be cliché and use the blanket currently covering her modesty. Her eyes landed on a black shirt, resting neatly folded on top of the dresser opposite the bed.

After having thrown a quick glance towards the bedroom door, to make sure it was still closed, Erin quickly hopped out of bed, almost catching her foot in a bucket that stood next to it in the process.

She briefly wondered why Jay had a bucket standing next to his bed, before it dawned on her that he'd probably left it there for her. Just in case the alcohol induced nausea got the better of her and she had to empty her stomach in order to get rid of it.

Which was sweet, but also had her mulling over his exact reasoning - had it just been a simple act of caution on his part or had something happened last night that warranted his actions?

The brunette shuddered when she pictured herself on the floor of Jay's bathroom, the patrol officer holding her hair back while she was busy retching and vomiting into the bowl.

Taking the shirt and pulling it down over her head, she tried to think about something else, to prevent the scenario she had just envisioned from actually becoming true. She'd never be able to get past the humiliation of being that vulnerable in front of someone she barely knew.

It had been hard enough for her when either Hank or Camille had found her passed out next to the toilette every so often during her teenage years. And at least she'd always had clothes on when they found her. Not that she'd cared at that time - being too wasted to care about what anyone thought of her.

A blush of shame spread over her face as she remembered a phase of her life, she'd rather forget. She didn't know how the Voights had been able to put up with her and instead of kicking her out the first chance they got, had decided to take care of her and love her as if she were their own daughter and not just some street kid that wasn't even worth the clothes she was wearing.

 _'_ _I'm not even your real daughter. That means I'm not your responsibility. I'm just some drug addicts' offspring, that can't help but follow her mother down the path of self-destruction. I'm a lost cause. You can't save me, so why do you care so much about what happens to me?'_

While she made her way over to the window, to open the curtains that prevented the daylight from getting into the room, her mind couldn't help but repeat the conversation she'd had with Camille after one of her youthful indiscretions.

 _'_ _You're right. You are no one's responsibility but your own. Erin, we didn't take you in because we felt responsible for you, we knew you could take care of yourself. We just wanted you to have someone to lean on if things got rough. Someone you would feel comfortable enough around to tell them about your problems, your day or anything else that was on your mind. We care, because we love you, Erin. You as a person, you matter to us. When we look at you, we see someone who has flaws and insecurities just like everyone else. Maybe yours are more prominent than others', but that doesn't make us love you any less. We don't love you despite of them, but because of them. They are what make you human. So if this is going to work, you better accept that we love you, Erin Lindsay. Flaws and all.'_

After Camille had given her that little speech, Erin had been stunned and probably for the first time ever in her life, she had felt like she belonged somewhere. She'd sworn she'd do everything in her power, to never again disappoint those two people who believed in her and supported her, despite her criminal background and constant screw-ups.

She had turned her life around, had become clean after Hank had enrolled her at St. Ignatius Prep _._ And even after her so-called friends had found out where she'd really come from, she had taken every insult thrown her way - every mean prank they had played on her - without so much as batting an eye in response.

When she'd been accepted into the Academy, Hank and Camille had barely managed to hide how proud they were of her and everything she'd accomplished so far and she had vowed to uphold their positive view of her, no matter the cost.

She was glad no one had witnessed her leaving with Jay or her ending up in his bed, naked and totally hung over. She could already picture the disapproving look on Camille's face, who was not a friend of random hook ups with strangers. And Hank would surely be disappointed in her for yet again breaking some poor guy's heart. Although she'd only met him yesterday, so technically there couldn't and wouldn't be any heart breaking involved.

Sighing, Erin trudged over to the bed, being mindful of the bucket next to it this time and turned the bedside lamp off, before making her way around the bed and heading in the direction of the door. There was coffee calling her name after all.

* * *

When Jay had woken up a few hours earlier, it had already been pouring cats and dogs outside. He had briefly wondered what had make him rise from his slumber, but when his phone had buzzed again, he had remembered that he'd set an alarm the day before. So he'd gotten up in time to drive to the airport and pick up one of the few persons that he was actually glad to have in his life.

After realizing that he was not alone in his bed, he had carefully picked up his phone and with instinctive certainty had made his way to the dresser on which he knew lay a pair of boxer briefs and a shirt.

He had grabbed the boxers, leaving the shirt for the time being, and had headed over to the door, being careful not to wake the still sleeping girl in his bed.

After having popped a few pills of Aspirin, to help against the splitting headache he suffered from, he'd set about his daily routine, while also making sure the brunette inhabitant of his bed would have everything she needed when she finally woke up. He doubted he'd be back in time before that happened, so the least he could do was make her feel comfortable when she awoke to an empty bed. So, he had made her breakfast and coffee and had left her some hangover necessities on the bedside table and next to the bed before calling a cab that would take him back to _Lottie's._ That way he could get his car and still make it to the airport in time.

* * *

Not shortly after, Jay was parking his car and heading into the Arrivals section of Chicago O'Hare. Despite having had a proper breakfast, his stomach swirled with nervous anticipation while he was waiting for his old friend to arrive.

To get his mind off his nervousness at seeing her for the first time in months, he thought back to the night before and the enticing yet mysterious brunette soon-to-be-cop he had taken home.

He couldn't remember most of what had happened after they'd left _Lottie's_ , but he remembered that their cab ride had been filled with laughter and jokes. And that he didn't have to ask her twice when he suggested she come up to his apartment for a round of ' _Scrabble'_.

After the door to his apartment had closed, it was all a blur of roaming hands, clothes being ripped off and hungry kisses. He wasn't sure whether they'd even made it to the bedroom that first time.

Jay couldn't stop the flash of images hitting him, right there in the middle of the waiting area for the arrivals of flight 1985 from Phoenix, AZ.

He could still feel her nimble, talented hands all over his body. And the look of pure bliss on her face when she'd fallen apart around him – that was something he'd most likely not be able to forget for a very long time.

* * *

"Jay, hey Jay!" The man in question barely had time to prepare himself for the whirlwind of a woman who came barreling towards him and dropped all of her belongings in order to fling her arms around his neck and give him a long, bone crushing hug.

"I've missed you. So much," she breathed when she finally let go off him, taking his hands in hers and giving them a quick squeeze.

Completely caught off guard, Jay managed to lift up the corners of his mouth into a wide smile.

"Allie, it's good to see you," he said. He tried to keep a smile on his face, but couldn't get the images of Erin writhing above him in throes of pleasure, out of his head.

* * *

Despite it being noon, the dark rainclouds prevented rays of sunshine from making their way into the unfamiliar apartment as Erin navigated her way to the kitchen. As she was walking through the darkened space, she noticed a couple of boxes on the floor of the living room that was adjacent to the kitchen.

It looked like Jay was about to move, the apartment being stripped bare of any personal belongings and Erin briefly entertained the thought of asking him about the boxes. But she quickly dismissed it in favor of looking for the breakfast and coffee Jay had promised awaited her.

What he did with his life was none of her business after all and Erin wasn't kidding herself, she knew she'd likely never see Jay again after leaving his apartment. She didn't do relationships and even if he had seemed nice enough the day before _and_ had made her breakfast and coffee, that didn't have to mean anything. At least that was what she told herself, ignoring the pang of sadness she felt when she thought about having to cut him out of her life in only a few hours.

She smiled, when she spotted a plate covered with foil on the counter, a bottle of soda and a note next to it. Sitting down on a barstool, she reached for the note first and began reading it:

 _So it seems like you decided to stay and give my breakfast a try. I feel honored ;) I hope you like banana pancakes, well who doesn't really? Plus, they are a good hangover cure, at least according to my brother and he should know - if he's an expert in anything it's being hung over ;)_

Laughing while peeling away the foil covering the food, she couldn't help but think what a dork Jay was. Her assertion was only being proven further when the pancake resting on top of the stack had a smiley face, made out of banana slices, on it.

Despite still not entirely feeling up to par, Erin hungrily dug into the food and took a big gulp out of the bottle of soda standing in front of her. She knew she had to stay hydrated in order to beat the hangover and as much as she longed for a cup of coffee right now, it would do her no good. The caffeine would only manage to dehydrate her even more.

After she'd finished devouring the plate of pancakes a few minutes later and had also managed to drink the whole bottle of the sugary liquid, she felt better and decided that everything she needed in order to finally feel like herself again was a quick hot shower.

Putting the plate in the sink and the foil and empty bottle into the trash, she let her eye wander around the room in search of a clock. She found one on the microwave and saw that it was already half past noon.

Not knowing when Jay would be back, she hurried towards the bathroom, which was located at the far end of the apartment. Right next to the bedroom. It was only when she was under the spray of the hot water that she realized that she still had no clue where exactly her clothes were.

* * *

Stopping in front of Gail and Danny Corson's house, Jay killed the engine and turned towards Allie who looked at him hopefully.

"Are you going to come in and have lunch with us?" she asked and let out a disappointed sigh when he shook his head no.

"I had really hoped to be able to spend some more time with you before you're gone for six months. You know, I caught an earlier flight just so I'd still get to see you before you leave?"

When Jay didn't respond, she let out another sigh and added dramatically, "And my parents would surely love to get the chance to say goodbye. _And_ gift you with one of their delicious meals…just to make sure you'd have one last healthy meal before starving in the desert."

That finally got a reaction out of him. "They love to stuff me with food, don't they?" he laughed.

"It's not just you," Allie reminded him playfully. "Every time I'm home visiting them they cook like they are expecting a whole army of people and not just me."

"Ok, fine," Jay retaliated, "I'll come around for dinner tonight. How does that sound?"

The face of his ex-girlfriend immediately brightened and she gave him one of the smiles she reserved just for him. "That sounds perfect," she said. After a moment of silence she added, "Did you get to pack up all your personal stuff so you can put it into storage? You know it would've been perfectly fine with me if you'd decided to leave it in your apartment."

"I know, but you'll be living there for the next six months, Allie. It will be your home and I didn't want you to feel like you were living in mine."

"But it'll still be your place, Jay. Even if you're not there in person," she insisted. "And I'll be out of your hair the second you get back, I promise. I just think that it's better that I'm near my parents for a while, especially after…" she trailed off, her eyes getting misty, before she turned her head to avoid having to see the look on Jay's face when he caught on to what she was referring to.

"It's fine," he ground out. "Stay as long as you need, I don't even know if I'll make it back, so if I don't you can talk to my landlord. I'm sure he'll agree to let you live there as long as you pay the rent."

"Jay," she whispered, finally looking up at him, a strand of strawberry-blond hair having gotten lose and fallen out of her carefully arranged up-do, now hanging in front of her face.

Jay tugged it behind her ear and she leaned into his touch while getting back to her previous train of thoughts, "Please don't say things like that."

He dropped his hand from her face as if he'd been burned. _He couldn't do this_. Couldn't risk getting too attached to people again. Couldn't risk losing them.

The ex-ranger quickly got out of the car, the rain still pouring down on the city not fazing him at all, got her suitcases out of the trunk and carried them the short way up to the front door.

Realizing Jay was done talking for the moment, Allie got out of the vehicle as well and stopped Jay on his way back to the car.

"I'll see you tonight?"

"I'll see you tonight," he confirmed, before walking the rest of the way to his Pontiac Fiero, opening the door, getting in and slamming the door, before starting up the engine and driving away, leaving his high school sweetheart standing on her parents' doorstep and not looking back.

* * *

When Erin had finished her shower, she went back to the living room in search of her purse and clothes, which were resting neatly folded on the couch.

The brunette quickly grabbed them and made a beeline for the bathroom, for all she knew Jay could be back any second now and she didn't want to put on a show for him. She was sure he'd gotten enough of that last night.

Feeling refreshed and much better now that she was fully dressed, she returned to the kitchen a few minutes later and decided she could put on some music and clean the dirty pancake plate sitting in the sink while she waited for Jay to return home.

* * *

The last thing Jay expected when he unlocked the front door of his apartment, trying to balance the tray holding two hot chocolates from _Mindy's Hot Chocolate_ while opening and closing the door, pulling off his shoes and stripping out of his wet jacket, before continuing his way into his home, was to find Erin dancing in his kitchen.

Sure he'd hoped the brunette had accepted his offer to stay, that's why he had decided to stop by _Mindy's_ on his way back from the Corson's house after all. But he'd thought he'd find her lounging on his couch watching a movie or maybe still asleep in his bed, not jamming out to… the Backstreet Boys?

He watched in amusement while she continued her dance moves. She had some serious moves on her, he had to admit. Erin was totally oblivious to his presence in the room, due to the fact that she had her back to him, which gave him a good view of her backside. She was back in her skinny jeans again, that hugged her slim figure in a way that had his amusement soon turn into something far less innocent.

But when she suddenly turned around and pointed a finger at him, her eyes closed and her lips moving in sync with the words to the song that came out of his old radio, he couldn't help but smile.

* * *

Feeling eyes on her, Erin got out of the trance-like state the song had put her in and blinked, only to find Jay standing in front of her. His lips curled upwards into a smile and his baby blues dancing with laughter.

She felt a flush of embarrassment color her cheeks before she managed to regain her composure. He had just caught her making a complete fool out of herself while dancing and mouthing (at least she hadn't been singing, thank God. Because no one would ever want to hear _that)_ along to _Everybody_ by the Backstreet Boys. Out of all the songs he could've caught her dancing to, why did it have to be that one?

Wishing the floor would swallow her whole, but having no such luck, Erin decided that, as always, offense was the best defense and narrowed her eyes at him. Daring him to open his mouth and comment on her performance.

"Not a word," she said, enunciating her statement with one final glare in his direction, before turning around and making her way over to the device that had caused her so much trouble in order to turn it off.

"I wasn't gonna say anything," Jay responded, a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Sure, you weren't," she shot back. "For your information, I'm not a fan. The song's just…really catchy."

"Whatever you say," the patrol officer replied, before making his way over to the kitchen counter and placing the tray holding the hot beverages down on it.

"So…" Erin trailed off awkwardly, not sure what she wanted to say to the man she'd apparently hooked up with last night.

"Here," Jay offered her one of the to-go cups he'd brought in with him and she took it, a grateful smile spreading out over her face.

"Is that coffee?" she asked, tentatively taking a sip of the hot beverage.

"Coffee isn't going to help your hangover, Er. Besides if you wanted coffee you could've just gone ahead and drank the one I made for you this morning."

Moaning, she took a few moments trying to savor the unique flavor of the delicious concoction that had just hit her taste buds, before saying, "I didn't know hot chocolate could taste like this…"

Completely dismissing his previous statement - all thoughts of telling him she was not hung over and getting a shot of caffeine was in fact the perfect cure for everything forgotten - she gave into the magical power of the rich chocolatey goodness that was invading all her senses and closed her eyes.

Jay was just staring at her, transfixed by the expression of utter bliss on her face and when she let out another small moan of pleasure, seemingly floating in a cloud of cocoa delirium, his body's reaction was instant.

When she opened her eyes again after what seemed like an eternity, he cleared his throat awkwardly, trying to mask how affected he'd been by her strong reaction to what he personally deemed to be the best hot chocolate in town.

"I'm gonna go and change into something less…wet," he said and gestured to his shirt and jeans that were completely soaked thanks to the rainstorm outside. "There's strawberry-mint ice cream in the freezer, if you want some to go with your hot chocolate. It's really good."

Only just now realizing that he was indeed drenched, and barely paying attention to what he was saying about ice cream, Erin took in the way his wet shirt clung to his chest. Her view of his lower body was obstructed by the kitchen counter when she was struck by a sudden desire to rip his shirt off of him and run her hands over the muscles of his broad chest down over the plains of his abdomen and to the waistband of his jeans.

Before her thoughts could venture into more dangerous territory she shook her head, not missing the way his eyes had darkened as he watched her reacting to his words, and went to grab the ice cream container from the freezer, rummaging around in his kitchen drawers for two spoons. When she'd found what she was looking for, she made her way past him towards the living room. She risked a glance downwards and involuntarily sucked in a breath as she noticed the prominent bulge in his pants.

"I'll just wait for you on the couch then, but don't take too long, otherwise there won't be any ice cream left for you," she said, winking at him, before suggesting, "There's a rerun of last night's game on this afternoon. We could watch that, if you want to."

She turned her head and locked eyes with him, waiting for his confirmation, before she continued on the way to her destination.

Shifting and placing his arms strategically in front of his body - he was well aware that Erin had seen the proof of his eminent arousal - he nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Cursing his body and mind for being that deeply affected by a girl that he'd only met the day before, he quickly headed into the direction of his bedroom, being glad to escape her heated gaze for a few minutes.

* * *

Erin watched Jay's retreating form - _he really had a nice ass_ , she had to give him that. She sighed and then, after having made her way around the cluster of boxes on his living room floor, put down the ice cream and spoons on the coffee table and slouched down on the couch.

She spotted the TV remote on the small table in front of the couch and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels in order to find the sports program that was supposed to play the rerun of last night's game.

Suddenly aware that she'd forgotten to take the to-go cup of hot chocolate with her, she jumped up from the couch. In her haste to get back to the kitchen, she tripped over one of the boxes sitting near the couch, managing to knock it over and have it spill its contents all over the floor.

Embarrassed, she gathered as much as she could into her arms and dropped it back into the box before closing the lid and continuing on her way to the kitchen as if nothing had happened.

After having put down the still hot cup onto a beverage coaster right next to the ice cream and having settled in front of the TV again, she saw something peek out from under the coffee table and bent down to see what it was.

Realizing it was a photograph that must've ended up there when she knocked over the box holding photo albums and other personal mementos, she crouched down on all fours and bent her upper body forward so she could reach for it and pull it out from under the table.

She was tempted to take a closer look at the picture, but a chuckle and an amused, "What are you doing?" made her jump and hit her head on the coffee table.

Erin cursed and quickly got out from under the table, glad to see she hadn't managed to knock over her hot chocolate. She turned her once-again pounding head around to find Jay staring at her. His arms crossed in front of his chest, trying to decipher what she'd been up to.

"Um, nothing," she lied, being glad that Jay hadn't noticed the photo she was still clutching in one of her hands.

"Do you need any help, doing that?" he asked, before adding, "Doing nothing on the floor must be pretty uncomfortable. Maybe you'd prefer doing it on the couch instead?"

He came over and stopped a few inches in front of her, reaching out his hand for her to take.

When she looked up at him and down at his hand again, he almost considered taking it back, fully prepared to be shut down and told that she was perfectly capable of getting up on her own. But he was pleasantly surprised by the sudden feeling of skin to skin, caused by her grasping his hand.

Jay pulled her up, the strength behind the sudden motion causing her to end up flush against him.

Erin's breath caught in her throat, her heart beating violently in her chest, when she looked up at him and saw his gaze flicker down to her mouth.

They were so close and it would be so easy to lean in and forget about everything for a second. To lose herself in the feeling of his lips on hers, his tongue invading her mouth, ravishing her like there was no tomorrow.

The intensity of his gaze burned down straight to her core and she could almost feel the electricity crackling in the air between them.

It would only need one spark to ignite a fire that would burn hot and heavy. Consuming everything in its wake and reducing it to ashes, greedily taking all they had to give and not stopping until there was nothing left.

Winding the hand he still held out of his grasp and placing it on his chest, she tore her eyes away from his, simultaneously folding the picture she still had a grip on with her free hand and sliding it into the right back pocket of her jeans, before turning away and sitting down on the couch.

Jay sighed in defeat and followed her example, leaving a good amount of space between them, so as to not tempt himself.

They watched the game in comfortable silence for a few minutes, occasionally taking sips from their hot chocolates and eating spoonfuls of ice cream, content with just sitting next to each other.

Erin glanced at Jay and after a minute of hesitation asked, "So why strawberry-mint?"

He didn't look at her, his gaze focused on the screen in front of him and she almost thought he hadn't heard her when he replied, "It was my mom's favorite."

Sensing he didn't want to give any further information on the topic, Erin dropped it and they fell back into an easy silence, before Erin suddenly spoke up again, "You know this is not as bad as I thought it would be. It almost makes me feel glad that I decided to stay, although…"

She was trying to keep a straight face while he just stared at her dumb-founded, contemplating whether she was being serious or just messing with him.

"I'm just kidding," she told him, her voice taking on a more serious note, "I mean you made me coffee, even if I didn't drink it. And an awesome breakfast, made sure I stayed hydrated and got me the best hot chocolate I've ever had. Plus, you introduced me to the delicacy that is strawberry-mint ice cream. So, I guess what I'm saying is, that there's no place I'd rather be."

The smile she got in return almost made her heart jump out of her chest and when he scooted closer to her, wrapped an arm around her and pulled her towards him so that her head was resting against his chest, she didn't object to the new level of intimacy.

"This doesn't mean anything though," she felt the urge to clarify moments later. "Last night was a one time deal."

As much as it pained him to accept what she was saying he knew it was for the best. He was leaving for Afghanistan the next day and although he was supposed to come back in six months, he didn't know for sure whether he would be coming back. It wasn't fair to subject someone he'd just met to something like that. She was better off living her life without him, but that didn't mean he couldn't cherish the last hours he got to spend with her.

"Got it. One time deal. No strings attached."

"Good," she nodded her head and he could feel the motion against his chest, feeling a pang of sadness at the finality in her voice, but choosing to ignore it and concentrate on how well her body fit against his.

* * *

He awoke to the feeling of a light weight on his chest and opened his eyes to find Erin stretched out on top of him, using his chest as a pillow.

Stroking a strand of brown hair out of her face, he smiled and was about to close his eyes again when he realized that it had gotten considerably darker in his apartment since they'd last been awake.

He turned his gaze to the TV and wasn't surprised to see the game finished and some sports reporters having a discussion about how the results of the game would be affecting both teams.

Jay raised the arm holding his watch and could barely make out the hands both pointing towards the six.

The Corsons usually had dinner around 7 pm, so he still had half an hour to make it over to their place, but first he had to wake the sleeping brunette on his chest and somehow get her to leave without coming across as rude.

He lightly stroked her cheek and whispered the nickname she'd told him to call her by the day before.

It took a few tries, but eventually she rose from her slumber and looked at him tiredly.

"Hey sleeping beauty, it's time for you to rise and shine," he told her, getting a slap to his chest and a groan from her in response.

He chuckled and got up from under her, careful not to make her fall off of him and onto the floor, but rearranging her so that she was sitting next to him instead of lying on top of him.

"Do we have to get up?" she mumbled groggily.

"I'm afraid so. I promised an old friend to come over for dinner and since it seems we slept the remainder of the afternoon away, I have to leave now."

 _'_ _Although I'd rather stay here with you on the couch instead,'_ he thought, but didn't dare utter the words out aloud.

Heaving himself up from the couch, he made his way over to the TV and turned it off, not bothering to look for the remote that must've slipped from his grasp and fallen in between the couch cushions.

When he turned back around, he found Erin no longer on the couch. Instead she was making her way over to the kitchen to dump their now empty hot chocolate cups and the also empty ice cream container into the trash and the dirty spoons into the sink.

Afterwards she slowly walked to the front of his apartment and pulled on her shoes and leather jacket, giving him time to make his way over to where she was standing.

Adjusting the straps of her bag on her shoulder, she eyed him suddenly seeming a bit nervous.

"Do you want me to give you a ride?" he asked, not ready for them to part ways yet.

"No, it's fine. I think it's stopped raining, so I'll just make my way to the next bus station and take it from there."

"Er, it's already dark outside and there's no bus stop near my apartment, so at least let me call you a cab," he pleaded.

After looking at him for a few seconds and seeing nothing but concern for her well-being written all over his face, she finally relented and he got out his phone and arranged for someone to pick her up outside his apartment complex.

Jay put on a jacket and shoes as well and guided her downstairs and out of the building. They stood in awkward silence for a minute before Erin suddenly stepped closer, stood up on her tiptoes and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"That's for being the perfect gentleman and not making a big deal out of this. I had a great time with you Jay, thank you for making me feel special, even if it was just for a day."

Not wanting their last kiss to be something that could easily be forgotten, Jay pulled her against him and leaned down to celebrate their saying goodbye in a proper way.

They stayed molded together for the better part of ten minutes, occasionally having to come up for air, but never letting the distance between them grow too much. They let their minds be flooded with flashes from the night before, losing themselves in each other, until the honk of a car made them jump apart.

Erin licked her lips and looked at him, catching her breath, "What was that for?"

Guiding her towards the cab that had just pulled up next to them and had made the noise that had so rudely put an end to their farewell make-out session, he contemplated his answer. As he opened the door for her and let her slip inside; he instantly felt the loss of her warm body next to his.

"That's because I wanted to kiss you," he stated matter-of-factly before closing the door and stepping back from the car, watching her drive away and out of his life.

* * *

When he showed up on the doorstep of Gail and Danny Corson's house half an hour later - late and with his thoughts occupied by a woman he'd probably never see again - and they asked him if he was alright…he lied.


	9. Life Has a Funny Way

**Title:** Love Will Remember

 **Cover art by:** mehtiification

 **Rating:** T

 **A/N** : Hi :) Thanks to all of you who read, favorited and followed the last chapter :) As always a special thanks to the people who reviewed: **Natascha2Tata, LinsteadTVfreak, Laura251, Kynicole, NALEY23alwaysforever, nicole1248, gator114, Montelini, ShimmerShimmerx, SoFeelingTheLove, LILYpadsROX, Josie92** and the two **Guests**. Because of my tendency to take forever to update (sry :S), I've decided to include a "Previously" part at the beginning of each chapter, to make it easier for you guys to remember what happened in the two different timelines. I'm not sure whether you'd prefer it if I put a brief summary of what happened in the previous chapter in here or if it is enough to just copy the last paragraph? If you think none of it is needed feel free to tell me to leave it out next time or just skip it ;) This chapter picks up right at the end of chapter 7, so Erin and Jay will obviously have a few scenes together. There'll also be a Voight/Erin scene and a teeny tiny Erin/ZJ scene at the end :) I should probably mention that this was heavily inspired by the scene at Erin's apartment from 1x05, so you'll probably recognize a few lines from the show ;)

 **P.S.: Thx to the amazing 22Shay22 for beta-ing this. You're the best ;)**

 **Disclaimer:** **I do not own Chicago PD, its characters or any dialogue you recognize from the show, nor do I own the rights to** _ **Ironic**_ **by Alanis Morissette**.

* * *

 _Previously_

 _There she was, standing in front of him in all her disheveled glory, her hair still tussled and clothes rumpled from sleep._

 _"What are you doing here?" were the first words leaving her mouth and Jay's greeting instantly died on his tongue._

 _Gulping heavily after taking in the surprised and slightly annoyed look on her face, he decided offense was his best defense. He picked up the beer he had put down on the floor a few minutes earlier so that it wouldn't get in the way while he was knocking on her door, and held it out in front of him as a peace offering._

 _"Can we talk? I brought beer."_

* * *

 **Chapter 9:** _Life Has a Funny Way (of Sneaking Up on You)_

January 2014

"Now is really not a good time," were the words Erin should've said when Jay asked whether they could have their much overdue conversation. But seeing the hopeful look on his face, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead of doing the wiser thing and telling him to get lost, she chose to ignore reason, wordlessly stepping aside to let him in.

But what else could she have done while he was looking at her like that? His pleading blue eyes were boring into her soul - arms still outstretched - holding the six-pack he'd brought with him. He was so close to her that she could smell a wave of the aftershave he used and - because of all that - she wasn't able to think clearly. So instead of trying to fight the inevitable, she turned and retreated back into the depths of her apartment, while he was following close behind her like a lost puppy.

Before they'd made it into the living room, she stopped to face him, locking her eyes with his and slowly reaching out to take the beer from him.

He silently handed it over to her, trying not to spook her, afraid that if he said the wrong thing she'd kick him out and he would've lost his chance to set things right.

Erin barely managed to keep her feelings in check, the exhaustion and worry from the past 24 hours still weighing heavily on her, despite her afternoon nap, and almost jumped out of her skin when his fingers brushed hers lightly.

She didn't put it past him that he'd done that on purpose. If that morning had been any indication, he seemed to enjoy getting under her skin far too much. Erin wondered how, after all this time, he still had the ability to affect her like that with just one simple touch.

The brunette turned away from her new partner and deposited the beer bottles on the kitchen counter. She looked over her shoulder and gestured for Jay to have a seat.

He settled down on the couch, belatedly realizing he still wore his jacket and shoes. But he was too caught up in watching her as she rummaged around the kitchen in search of a bottle opener to do something about it. Her features were only illuminated by the light emitted by the floor lamp standing in one corner of the living room, transporting him back to a similar situation years ago.

Turning his attention away from the woman in front of him, he took in his surroundings properly for the first time. Taking note of even the small details - paintings that hung on the walls of the living room and the picture frames that sat next to all kinds of books on the huge shelving unit that stood opposite to the couch he was currently sitting on.

Due to the semi-darkness of the room, he couldn't make out the titles of the books and was not able to identify the persons in the pictures either.

He shifted his attention once again, when he felt Erin approaching him and gratefully took the beer she offered him, before letting his gaze flicker to the large windows that provided a great view of the city's skyline at night.

* * *

Erin wished she could go back in time and not open the door, pretend she wasn't home and just hope that he'd go away before he managed to wake her – _their_ – child.

Unfortunately, she didn't possess the ability of time travel, so she was stuck with him for now, and boy was this awkward.

Sighing she sat down on the other end of the couch, leaving an appropriate amount of space between them, before fixing him with an inquisitive stare. "Well, you said you wanted to talk. So, what's this about?" she prompted when he failed to initiate the conversation. "Oh and for the record, showing up at my place, late at night - unannounced and uninvited I might add - is not the way to make this partnership work. Also, please tell your new buddy, Jin, I don't appreciate him giving out my address to anyone. Let alone someone I barely know."

She hadn't meant to sound annoyed, but deep down she was. She rarely invited people into her home and the ones who had the privilege of being trusted enough to be in the same space as her baby had been carefully selected beforehand. And as much as she wanted Jay to be a part of her and ZJ's inner circle, she frankly didn't know him enough to fully trust him yet.

Erin could see that he was nervous, which only managed to irritate her further. If he wasn't sure about what he was going to say, why had he come here to disrupt her quiet night-in in the first place?

* * *

Sensing the brunette's change of mood, Jay gulped and downed about half of his beer, providing himself with some much needed liquid courage.

"I'm sorry for coming by unannounced. In all honesty, I just wanted to see how you're doing. You seemed pretty shaken earlier and we are partners now, so it's my responsibility to make sure you're ok," he said earnestly, looking at her and locking his gaze with hers to make sure she saw he meant it. Even if that was only part of the reason why he'd decided to stop by, but he had to ease the tension somehow before trying to broach the subject of their shared night again or what had happened a few months after.

Erin seemed to deflate a little at his words, although she still seemed to be on edge for some reason. He really didn't know what was causing her uneasiness and wished he could've done something - _anything_ \- to assure her that he only had her best interests at heart and wasn't just trying to pick up where they'd left off six years ago.

Although he really wouldn't mind kissing her again, but judging by her guarded posture and her being hell-bent on keeping things professional between them, that wasn't going to happen or at least not any time soon.

 _Maybe one day._

He smiled when he remembered the line he'd written on a small piece of paper next to his phone number. And his smile only grew when he remembered that she'd actually called him, even if he'd never gotten the chance to get back to her about what she'd said.

After all this time, he still felt guilty for not calling her back. Although, it hadn't been his fault that his phone had been destroyed during a mission. He simply should've left it back at the base and not given it to one of his fellow brothers in arms who had needed to make an important call.

* * *

Having to deal with his own demons, he completely missed Erin straightening up when she heard a small whimper coming from her bedroom. She briefly considered standing up and closing the door that connected it to her living room, but she didn't want to risk Jay noticing something was out of place.

For all she knew, he hadn't even heard their child and drawing attention to the fact that said child even existed was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

Erin really hoped ZJ would stay asleep for the remainder of Jay's visit and as much as she appreciated Jay's obvious concern for her well-being, she'd appreciate it even more if he left. That way, she wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of her secret being exposed this evening. On top of the fact that ZJ was sick and herself being exhausted, sleep-deprived and hungry.

As if on cue her stomach began to rumble loudly, which seemed to startle Jay out of his thoughts.

"Look, it's sweet of you to go through all that trouble of finding out my address and coming over here to make sure I'm ok, but all I need right now is a decent meal and a good night's sleep. So if you don't mind, I'd rather eat my dinner and go to sleep afterwards instead of trying to have a conversation that clearly neither of us is prepared to have right now."

To emphasize that she was done talking for the moment, she got up off the couch and made her way around it. She was intent on heading over towards the fridge to get her soup out of it so she could reheat it and get her still rumbling stomach to settle.

She'd almost made it past him, when Jay reacted. His hand shot out and his fingers closed around her wrist, effectively hindering her in making a quick escape.

"Er, please," he whispered, the pad of his thump tracing up and down along her radial artery in a soothing motion. If he just pressed down a little harder against her smooth skin, he was sure he would be able to feel her pulse quicken.

Erin's eyes flickered down to the hand that was still holding her captive and then back up to his face. It was in this moment that she knew she couldn't keep the truth from him any longer. All the reasons why it was better to keep her secret under wraps for now were suddenly forgotten, replaced by his burning gaze that sent shivers through her body and spurred her heart into beating wildly in her chest.

"Jay, I…," she trailed off not sure how to put into words what was about to change both of their lives and their child's life forever.

"You…," she tried again, but was interrupted by the sudden sound of knocking coming from her front door.

"I'll be right back," she managed to say, before pulling her hand out of Jay's grasp, the spell of the moment being broken, bringing reality crashing in on them.

* * *

Leaving Jay sitting on her couch, she quickly made her way over to her front door, wondering who else had decided to grace her with their presence at this late hour.

A quick glance through her peephole revealed none other than Hank Voight standing in front of her apartment.

She sighed defeated and opened the door, making sure to step out quickly and close it before Hank could catch a glimpse of the person currently occupying her couch, muttering "Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you" under her breath.

"Erin," her sergeant greeted, before her words registered and he asked, "What was that?"

"Uhm, nothing," she was quick to assure him. "Why are you here?" she questioned, trying to not rouse his suspicion by relaxing her posture and concentrating all her energy on looking tired and exhausted. That turned out to be not all that hard to accomplish, since she was barely able to keep herself upright anyway. The only thing keeping her going was the adrenaline currently pumping through her system.

She really didn't want to think about what Voight would do if he were to find out that her new partner was inside her apartment, enjoying a cold beer while her sick child slept only a few feet away.

Voight looked at her, a slight hint of irritation and hurt in his voice, "You would know, had you bothered to check your phone during the last few hours."

 _'Damn it_ ,' she thought. She'd promised to update Voight on ZJ's state and had completely forgotten about it. She vaguely remembered switching her phone off the second she'd stepped foot inside her apartment because she didn't want any unwelcome interruptions.

Now she felt bad for having been annoyed at Voight for stopping by this late. Had she kept her promise and told him ZJ was doing better, this could've been avoided and she wouldn't have been forced to leave Jay alone in her apartment with a kid he didn't even know existed.

A cold shiver ran down her spine when she imagined ZJ waking up and crying her name, only to have someone the child didn't know come into the bedroom. Jay didn't look like a serial killer, but having a total stranger show up after having called for Erin would surely manage to scare the ginger and that was the last thing Erin wanted. ZJ should feel save around Jay and not be scared to death after meeting him for the first time.

Trying to calm her racing heart and mind, Erin closed her eyes, let out a slow, steadying breath and counted to three before she opened them again and faced Hank.

"Look, I'm sorry, Hank. I know I promised I would keep you updated. I was so beat when I got home that I completely forgot and turned off my phone, but the last time I checked ZJ was sound asleep. The cough didn't seem to have gotten any worse and Annie already administered the cold medicine before she left a few hours ago, so I think we should be safe for now."

Erin could see the relief taking over her pseudo father's features. "Glad to hear that, kiddo," he said and gave her a critical once-over before announcing, "You better take care of yourself too. You don't look too good. Wouldn't want you to catch whatever it is the kid's been infected with."

"Gee thanks, Hank. That's what every woman wants to hear after having just been roughly pulled out of her beauty sleep," she retorted sarcastically.

Hank seemed to be wary about leaving her and her sick child alone, contemplating if it was wise to drive back to his house or if he should stay and keep an eye on ZJ while Erin managed to catch up on sleep.

Sensing her boss would want to come in if she didn't put a stop to it, she once again assured him that they were both doing fine and that his help wasn't needed.

"At least let me check on the kid real quick," he made one last attempt to convince her.

But Erin was quick to shoot him down, "ZJ's asleep now and wouldn't even know you're here. And I really don't want to risk waking the little munchkin up and be stuck reading stories all night because someone's not able to fall back asleep after having slept for most of the day. I'll take good care of your two favorite Lindsays, I promise. You go home."

"Alright," Voight relented and scratched the back of his head, "At least turn your phone back on, just in case you need anything. I'll make sure to stop by some time tomorrow if there's no new case."

"Thanks, Hank," she said, managing to catch him off guard when she stepped forward and enveloped him into a hug.

When she stepped back, she caught a small smile making its way onto his face and her heart warmed at the thought that she was the one who had managed to put it there.

* * *

Jay felt highly uncomfortable being left alone in Erin's living room. Hearing faint voices from the hallway and making out Voight's as one of them only managed to heighten his discomfort even further.

He hoped Erin would be able to get rid of their sergeant before he noticed that she had company and decided to come in to see for himself just who she was entertaining this late at night. The young detective really didn't need another confrontation with his new boss. He'd already fulfilled that quota for the rest of the year and that was saying something since he was well aware that it was only January and Voight would have plenty of time and opportunities to chew him out for inappropriate behavior again.

Just thinking about it made his stomach coil into a tight knot. Even though he hadn't gotten to work a case yet, he knew he wanted to stay in Intelligence and more importantly he wanted to be able to work with Erin as his partner. In order to do that he had to get back in Voight's good graces and he should probably avoid giving him any more reasons to dislike him too.

In fear of alerting Voight that someone was inside the apartment, Jay didn't dare setting his almost empty beer bottle back on the table, but instead got up off the couch and sat back down on the arm rest. He patiently waited for Erin to make her way back to him and took another gulp out of the bottle in order to calm his nerves.

He tried to drone out Erin and Hank's hushed voices - it wasn't more than a low murmur anyways. He guessed Erin hadn't closed the door completely and that's why he was able to hear their voices in the first place.

Jay thought back to the last few moments before Voight had interrupted them so rudely and couldn't help but feel like Erin was about to tell him something important. She was finally about to open up to him and then their boss had to show up and ruin it.

Sighing, he contemplated whether it would be smart to bring it up again when she returned or whether the safest bet would be to ask for her number. He'd technically already gotten it from Jin, but Erin didn't need to know that. That way, they'd be able to maybe make plans to meet up again when things had calmed down a little for her some time later this week.

He was almost sure he'd heard someone whimper and was about to turn his head when he caught Erin approaching him out of the corner of his eye. She seemed relieved that he hadn't moved that far away from his original spot.

Coming to a stop in front of him, after having made a slight detour to grab herself a beer, she took a big gulp out of the bottle and closed her eyes briefly to savor the taste of the cool liquid running down her throat.

"Should I sneak out the fire escape?" Jay asked, only a part of him joking, the other still fearing Hank would be waiting for him outside the door of Erin's apartment.

She eyed him for a moment before saying, "I think my front door will work just fine. You should probably wait a couple of minutes though. Just in case..."

Jay really didn't know what he should make of Erin's behavior. It seemed that for a split second her carefree, flirty persona from a few years ago had made a comeback and he was surprised to see that she didn't immediately retreat back into her shell. But instead, she stepped one step closer to him and laid the hand currently not holding her beer bottle on his right shoulder, squeezing it once and making sure to look him in the eye, "Thank you for stopping by. Today was rough."

"Don't mention it," he whispered, voice dropping dangerously low. He watched Erin unconsciously licking her lips. When he had managed to pull his gaze upwards to meet her eyes again, he caught her staring at his own lips for a moment, before hurriedly taking a step back and withdrawing her hand from his shoulder in order to put some space between them.

"You should probably head home now," she managed and turned her back on him, quickly making her way back towards the kitchen in order to set her beer bottle down on the counter.

Jay joined her a few seconds later and placed his now empty bottle next to hers, crowding her between the counter and his body in the process.

* * *

Erin felt relieved after Voight had left without suspecting anything out of the ordinary and was actually able to relax a little. There still was the possibility of ZJ waking up though. That's why she had decided it was probably for the best to suggest that Jay should leave now, because otherwise she might've ended up asking him to stay, which was a really, _really_ bad idea.

She should've known that Jay wouldn't make it easy on her though. He seemed pretty determined to get under her skin again and when he stepped up behind her she was tempted to lean back against his broad chest for a moment and just forget about their current situation. About the fact that she'd almost told him that they had a child together.

The thought of ZJ managed to sober her up pretty quickly though and she turned around - intent on telling Jay to get out of her apartment already so she could manage to get some shut eye, while longingly thinking about the chicken soup that was still waiting for her in the fridge.

Her plans were derailed when she noticed how close he was. She could literally feel his breath on her face and had a hard time concentrating on anything other than his heated gaze on her that had managed to flicker down to her lips again.

The brunette knew that if they were to stand like this much longer, one or both of them probably wouldn't be able to resist the strong pull between them and give in to their desire. That was why she ultimately said, "We can't," a hint of regret and disappointment lacing her voice, and slightly pushed against Jay's chest in attempt to get him to back off.

Her partner, who seemed to have come out of the same daze she'd been in too, stepped back and gave her the room she needed to make it past him.

Smiling at him gratefully she went over to the couch and grabbed Jay's jacket which he must've taken off some time during his stay, as well as her cell phone that rested on the small white coffee table next to her couch.

After having switched it back on, she turned to face Jay - who had closed the short distance between them again. His movements didn't still, despite the constant buzzing now coming from the phone in her hand.

Clearly Hank had been more than a little worried when she hadn't answered her phone and had left several text messages and voice mails that were now coming in all at once.

"You seem to be pretty popular today," he smirked and before she knew what was happening he had stolen her phone out of her hand and was opening her contact list in order to add his name and number to it.

"Hey," she protested weakly, but didn't make a move to try and get it back from him until after he was done.

"Wait," he told her and she did until he had called his own phone to make sure he had her number as well.

"Are you done?" she asked, amused by his antics.

"Not quite," he replied, before winking at her and reaching around her slim figure to slide her phone into the right back pocket of her jeans.

Involuntarily her breath hitched and she stared at him speechless and wide-eyed, once again being taken completely off guard by his forwardness.

Unable to form a coherent sentence, but not willing to admit how much he was affecting her, she thrust his jacket into his arms and guided him the rest of the way towards her front door. She only stopped to open it, and gave him a slight shove so that he was finding himself outside of her apartment in a matter of seconds.

"Good night, Jay," she told him, before closing the door in his surprised-looking face.

* * *

Standing dumbfounded in front of Erin's apartment for a few moments, Jay finally managed to get a grip on himself and turned around to leave. ' _Well, that could've gone better_ ,' he thought. But at least he had managed to spend some time with her, even if they didn't make any progress in clearing the air between them.

He was convinced that the lines between them were blurred even more now if that was even possible, but on the plus side there was the fact that they'd exchanged phone numbers - he had even thought of calling himself from her phone so that she wouldn't chew him out again for having gone to Jin to get her number beforehand - and that she had been willing to talk, well at least until Voight had shown up and cut his visit short.

Making his way down towards his car, a small smile crept onto Jay's face. Maybe they could make this partnership work after all.

* * *

After having taken care of the 'Jay problem', Erin felt about 10 years older and even more tired and exhausted than before and went straight into her bedroom to check up on her child.

She waited a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room and crossed the distance between the door and the bed in record time.

Sinking down on her bed next to the little figure huddled under a sea of blankets, Erin finally felt able to breathe again. Nothing was weighing her down during the short moments of peace she got from watching ZJ sleep.

That didn't last long however, because soon enough, the still sleeping child let out an almost inaudible whimper and unconsciously shifted closer to her, seeking out her love and protection.

Erin's heart broke a little at the sight. She couldn't bear seeing her baby suffer and reached out to lightly touch the ginger's cheek in a show of support.

When her hand made contact with the child's face, she immediately noticed that ZJ was burning up and almost as if on cue a small voice could be heard through the deafening silence that was covering the room like a blanket.

"Mommy?"

"I'm here, sweetie. Mommy's got you," Erin managed to reassure the scared sounding child.

"It looks like you've got a fever, let me just get the thermometer real quick so that we can check your temperature properly," she said, trying to keep her voice calm and soothing.

"No!" came the immediate response. "Please, don't go, mommy!"

"I'll just be a couple of minutes. I'll even turn on the lamp if that makes you feel better. Do you want me to grab Mr. Sprinkles for you?"

ZJ loved the little stuffed bunny to death that Camille had gotten for the ginger right after her pseudo grandchild had been born and so it came as no surprise to Erin when the answer was, "Yes, please."

Even though ZJ was obviously in pain, the child still managed to be polite and Erin's heart surged, a wave of love and protectiveness consuming her.

She clicked on the lamp on her bedside table and quickly made her way over to ZJ's bedroom in order to get the stuffed bunny her child had asked for. She dropped it on the bed next to the little figure huddled under the blankets, before racing over to her en-suite bathroom to get the medical thermometer.

"Mommy, I don't feel so good," ZJ spoke up hesitantly, while Erin was busy taking the child's temperature.

Erin's worst fear was confirmed when ZJ's temperature exceeded the 100 F mark and the child suddenly went limp in her arms.

"ZJ! Hey, baby I need you to stay awake ok? Can you do that for me?" Erin's panic-fueled voice echoed through the room, while she frantically tried to get the child to wake up.


	10. Wish You Were Here

**Title:** Love Will Remember

 **Rating:** T

 **A/N:** Sorry in advance for the super long author's note, but it was a necessary evil. Once again I'm sorry for the long wait. I've been sick recently so I didn't get to spend as much time writing as I would've liked, but the new chapter is finally here ;) On that note I have to say I'll be pretty busy during the next 2-3 months so updates will sadly continue to be few and far between. Thanks to all of you who have been patiently waiting and those of you who have sent me encouraging messages, I really appreciate it :) A special thank you goes to **Natascha2Tata, LILYpadsROX, Jordyn, nwalker13, Montelini, NALEY23alwaysforever, LinsteadTVfreak, ShimmerShimmerx, mvollmann, Linsteadxoxo, jay, Lover** and the other **guest** reviewers for your comments! This chapter is set a few months after Jay's and Erin's encounter. It shows how Erin is dealing with things and how she's moving on with her life. The first half is about her birthday in April and the second half is set throughout June. Erin doesn't know that she is pregnant at first, I just put it in brackets, so you'd have a better idea of how far along she is. Erin has her suspicions about being pregnant, but won't have clarity until the end of the chapter where she will find out about the pregnancy and you'll find out whether she had a boy or a girl. I hope anyone who already had a suspicion and finds out it is wrong isn't too upset ;) I originally planned on the baby being the opposite sex, but thought it might've been too obvious and Voight would've known right away who the father was after seeing Jay, so I changed my mind before I even wrote the first chapter. You'll get to know what Jay's been up to in the next flashback chapter where more about his time in the military will be revealed. I hope you enjoy reading and please forgive any mistakes (spelling or otherwise).

 **P.S.** I'd like to address a question a guest reviewer had regarding the name ZJ. It is not the kid's full name (that will be revealed in a later chapter, probably the one in which Erin gives birth), but rather a short form/ nickname. I would've liked to use other nicknames as well, but unfortunately couldn't because I wanted the name(s) to be a surprise. I hope you can wait a little while longer to find out and it doesn't bug you too much ;) You're welcome to take a guess though, there aren't too many names starting with Z after all (it's a different matter with J, but maybe you'll get lucky ;)). To clear up any lasting confusion: Yes, Jay is ZJ's father.

 **P.P.S.** **22Shay22, I really love hearing your thoughts on the things I've planned for this story and discussing them with you (same goes for your story btw. ;)). Thank you again for agreeing to be my beta and helping me with straightening things out, since I really do have the tendency to make my sentences go on for far too long (exhibit A :D) and you always manage to disentangle and shorten them for me and spot mistakes I overlooked in my haste to get this to you :)**

 **P.P.P.S**. I know The Bristol opened in 2010, not 2008, but let's pretend it already existed in 2008 because it simply proved impossible for me to find a restaurant where you could do brunch that was already around back then and is still open now. Oh and before you get confused: Even though it's only the beginning of April at the start of the chapter, Erin is 11 weeks pregnant because usually the LMP method is used to date a pregnancy, that means counting starts at the first day of the last menstrual period and not the day of conception.

 **Cover art by** : mehtiification

 **Disclaimer:** **I do not own Chicago PD, its characters or any dialogue you recognize from the show nor do I own the rights to** _ **Wish You Were**_ **Here by Avril Lavigne.**

* * *

 _Previously_

 _Guiding her towards the cab that had just pulled up next to them and had made the noise that had so rudely put an end to their farewell make-out session, he contemplated his answer, before opening the door for her and letting her slip inside, feeling the loss of her warm body next to his instantly._

 _"That's because I wanted to kiss you," he stated matter-of-factly, before closing the door and stepping back from the car, watching her drive away and out of his life._

* * *

 **Chapter 10:** _Wish You Were Here_

April 2008 (11 weeks pregnant)

The past couple of months had passed in a blur of activity for Erin. It seemed like she never had a moment just for herself. Between being busy studying for the final tests she had to pass before finally graduating from the Academy, working part-time at a local bar (not Lottie's— in fact she hadn't been back since taking Jay there), going to the gun range, and babysitting Travis every so often to insure Annie could afford to give him a stable life. The little time Erin had left was spent having the occasional family dinner at the Voights' house or, when their busy schedule allowed it, a quiet girls' night with her best friend.

She also found herself going on daily morning runs when she didn't have an early class or a particularly late shift at the bar. Surprisingly, she had also actually managed to form a tentative friendship with two of her fellow academy recruits.

Despite her efforts to keep to herself while at the academy, the two of them were intent on getting to know her. They had tried to strike up conversations with her until she'd finally given in and despite her saying no more than two words in response to their attempts at breaking through the walls she had so carefully erected as a form of self-protection, they became friends.

Brittany and Dan were actually not so bad if you got to know them. They also proved to be great study buddies and sparring partners on the slowly, but steadily more frequent occasions that she would stop by the gym in order to keep her body in shape. That was the reason she soon found herself really enjoying the company of the tall, broad-shouldered, muscular and easygoing brunette and the long-legged, slender-waisted, quirky blonde who was always entertaining them with a recount about her newest adventures in the man hunting department.

Even if Erin didn't share much information about herself, the three of them got along great. Since Brittany was more than willing to share all kinds of things with them and Dan had quickly figured out when Erin was in the mood to talk or when it was better to leave her be.

She had managed to dodge going clubbing with them, always having another excuse at the ready why she couldn't join them, although Brittany was adamant that they needed to have a night out rather sooner than later — especially with graduation fast approaching.

But today all that didn't matter, because Erin finally had a day off of work. She was currently jogging along the Chicago Lake Front Trail that ran along the eastern edge of Grant Park, listening to some music and trying to keep her breathing steady. Her thoughts centered around how she'd rather go straight back to bed and curl up under the covers after her morning run. But instead, Camille insisted on having brunch in order for them to be able to properly celebrate her 23rd birthday.

Just the thought of food made her stomach turn and she had to use all her willpower to keep moving and suppress the wave of nausea that threatened to overwhelm her.

She had been feeling sick a lot lately, but wrote it off to constantly being under pressure. There was a lot of stress in trying to balance work, studying, and being constantly sleep-deprived. Erin was certain her body would stop rebelling once things calmed down a bit and she'd start her field training in a few weeks.

 _'You just have to hold on for a little longer'_ , she reminded herself and picked up her pace to force any unwelcome memories of past birthdays, spent in constant worry about her mother, to the back of her mind.

Since she had started living with the Voights, Camille and Hank had made it a tradition to always do something special on her birthday. To help her accept that she was allowed to be happy to be alive and to celebrate her birth, instead of wishing she had never been born or just pretending it was a day like any other.

During her teenage years, they'd taken her on small day trips to places she'd always wanted to visit or they took her out to her favorite restaurant. And when Erin had made the mistake of mentioning that she didn't want to do anything for her birthday this year because she just wanted a day to herself, she had seen the look of disappointment in Camille's eyes. There was no hiding the seconds of sadness before her pseudo-mother had been able to mask her reaction and her look had turned to one of understanding and acceptance.

That was why she had agreed to meet Hank and Camille for brunch at The Bristol, a new restaurant that had opened on North Damen Avenue. According to some of Camille's friends it had the best cinnamon buns in town.

Justin had cancelled the day before, saying something had come up and he was really sorry he couldn't make it, but he'd definitely give her a call to wish her a happy birthday. Camille had been upset and Erin could only imagine the lecture the younger Voight must have gotten from his mother for cancelling on such short notice and not making time to see Erin on her special day.

Erin didn't mind though. She knew Justin was having a difficult time, trying to find himself while working one crappy job after the other – she was pretty sure most of them involved doing something illegal. Every time Hank found out about what exactly Justin had been doing, he would try to set him up with a respectable job that kept him out of trouble. But Justin's friends always found a way to convince him that doing a little extra job for them on the side wouldn't harm anybody. It never failed to result in him either getting fired from or quitting the jobs Hank had fixed him up with. It was a vicious cycle and Justin seemed unable to break it, despite his father's efforts to provide him with an acceptable alternative, his mother's encouragement to make more out of his life and Erin being the living example that you could accomplish anything you set your mind to no matter the circumstances.

* * *

Erin was still thinking about a way to help Justin to get away from the bad influences in his life when she arrived at The Bristol two hours later. She had had just enough time to head home in between to take a shower and change into clothes that were more appropriate for a brunch than her jogging wear.

Spotting Hank and Camille sitting at a table near the entrance of the restaurant, she went over to greet them and placed a smile on her face. Even if she felt a headache starting to form and her stomach began turning as soon as her nose was hit with the smell of food permeating the air inside the establishment.

Sensing her uneasiness, Camille quickly ushered her to sit down and handed her a glass of water, which the brunette soon-to-be officer gratefully accepted.

Concern written all over her face, Hank's wife placed a comforting hand on Erin's shoulder, "Are you feeling alright? You look like you are about to pass out…"

That drew Hank's attention too, who had been busy eyeing the buffet set up across the room. His eyes narrowed when he noticed the strained look on his protégés face and how she tried breathing in through her mouth instead of her nose. There seemed to be a slight sheen of sweat glistening on her forehead and a few beads trickling down her cheeks.

Erin took another huge gulp of water and tried to calm her suddenly racing heart. Was she having a panic attack? Was the extreme amount of stress she'd been under lately finally getting to her? She sure as hell didn't want to collapse right in the middle of the restaurant and decided to focus on taking deep and steady breaths before finally lifting her gaze from her still empty plate to meet Camille's eyes.

She managed a reassuring smile and told them she was fine, that she'd gone for a run through Grant Park this morning and being an ambitious overachiever, she might have pushed herself a little too far.

Eyeing her suspiciously, Camille insisted Erin stay seated while Hank and she would get her some food. Despite not wanting to eat, Erin didn't dare voicing her protest, in fear of them seeing straight through her earlier lie.

Maybe eating something would finally settle her upset stomach. Even though she highly doubted that she would be able to keep anything down.

 _'Yet another reason I would've preferred staying in bed'_ she thought bitterly. Why couldn't her body comply for once and let her have a nice family get-together with two of the people closest to her?

As if her stomach acting up and having a terrible headache weren't enough, she suddenly felt as if her bra was a size too small and she barely resisted the urge to pull on the cups and try to adjust them. She would've given anything to get out of it just to feel some sort of relief.

Before she could ponder on why this was all happening to her or wallow in her discomfort any longer, Camille and Hank appeared back in her line of sight and Camille put a plate overflowing with food down in front of her. They offered her an encouraging smile when Erin seemed hesitant to touch it.

"Dig in! I even got you some of the last of the cinnamon buns. They look delicious, don't they?" the older woman asked, while happily taking a bite out of one of the aforementioned delicacies.

Meanwhile Erin was debating whether it would be best to just excuse herself to go to the bathroom or get over herself and eat something. The decision was made for her when she felt Hank's gaze on her. She was aware that he would know something was definitely wrong if she didn't at least take a few bites, because Erin had never been one to turn down a free meal.

Forcing down the bile rising in her throat, she went for the bowl of fruit salad Hank had grabbed her and swallowed a few pieces, trying her hardest not to let them make their way back up.

* * *

Erin had miraculously managed to make it through the whole brunch without having to throw up once and had gladly accepted Hank's and Camille's offer to drop her off at her apartment after Hank had gotten a call from work and had told them he would have to cut their celebration short.

So when she finally opened the door to her apartment, she felt relief flooding her system and went straight for her couch, sinking down into the cushions and letting out a heavy sigh. She dropped her bag down and the additional one containing Camille's birthday present was set down next to it.

Her feet hurt and she was aching to get out of her clothes. After what felt like an eternity, the need to get into something more comfortable was what finally propelled her to get up and off the couch.

She made her way over to the dresser of her studio apartment and rummaged around in the drawers until she found what she was looking for – the black shirt she'd taken with her when she'd left Jay's apartment a little over two months ago.

She didn't know what had made her take it in the first place, but wearing it brought her a strange sense of comfort. Even after she'd worn it to bed on more than one night, it still smelled a little like Jay and as strange as it sounded, that was exactly what she needed right in this moment.

Stretching her tired limbs, Erin reached for the drawer of her nightstand and pulled it open, retrieving a picture showing a brightly smiling red-haired woman and two little boys who adoringly smiled up at her, having inherited her ginger locks, but only one of them had her prominent blue eyes.

Jay bore a striking resemblance to his mother in this picture, whereas his brother seemed to lean more towards their father's side, although Erin had nothing to base this assumption on.

She still felt wrong for taking the picture — the shirt not so much, because it was pretty comfy — but it had been her only option. Otherwise she'd have had to admit that she knocked over the box with his personal belongings and she'd already been embarrassed enough that he had caught her dancing and rocking out to the Backstreet Boys.

Putting the picture aside, after having studied it for a few more moments, she grabbed the small piece of paper that had rested next to it at the bottom of the drawer and smoothed down the edges.

She read the message written next to a cell phone number in neat handwriting for what might be the 10th or the 100th time.

 _'Maybe one day'_

She smiled and was actually touched that he had thought about seeing her again. Or that he had at least thought about keeping in contact even after they'd agreed to keep it a one-time deal. The ball was definitely in her court now, and even though she would have never admitted it out loud, she had thought about calling him more than once. But she figured whatever had made him agree to her proposition would probably still be a reason for him to keep his distance. That was why she decided that she wouldn't call him, at least not now.

Maybe the situation would change in a couple of months? At least if she still thought about him, she could still decide to call him then.

Who was she kidding? She'd probably still be thinking about him years from now, simply because their night was one of the few happy memories in her life.

Growing up with a junkie mother and an abusive father who had ended up in prison, she had learned to cherish and hold on to the good things in life and she planned on continuing to do just that.

She carefully placed both of the items back in her drawer, collapsed onto her bed and laid back against the mattress. She knew she wouldn't be able to rest for long, because Annie had told her she'd come over with Travis later, but she might as well get some shut eye in as long as she had the chance to do so.

As soon as her head hit the pillow, her eyes closed and she was out like a light in a matter of seconds, falling into a deep and dreamless slumber.

* * *

"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Auntie Erin, Happy birthday to you."

Erin came to when she felt a small body jumping on to her sleeping form, bouncing happily while singing the traditional birthday song. She groggily opened her eyes, just in time to see her best friend trying to pull her godson off of her.

"Travis, what did I tell you about jumping on people who are sleeping or just jumping on people in general?" Annie admonished, while her son bowed his head in shame. "I'm sorry, mommy. I promise I won't do it again," the soon-to-be 6-year-old said regretfully.

Quickly recovering from being torn from sleep so forcefully, Erin smiled at Travis and chuckled, "It's ok, buddy. I'll be a police officer soon, so I might as well get used to being tackled, although I'd much rather have my favorite nephew jumping on me than someone I don't know."

At that Travis giggled, "Auntie Erin, you're just saying I'm your favorite nephew, because I'm your _only_ nephew." But his eyes lit up nonetheless and he wriggled out of his mother's arms and carefully sat down on Erin's lap.

"Shhh, don't say that. My other, _invisible_ , nephews might hear you and get upset," she told him conspiratorially, pointing to the empty spot on the bed beside them.

Travis' eyes got huge at her statement and he told her earnestly, "I won't tell them." After a beat of silence, he added pensively, "Maybe they can be friends with Dennis?" Erin nodded at the mention of her godson's invisible friend's name, not missing the disapproving look Annie sent her way and choosing to ignore her mouthed, "Don't encourage him, Er."

Annie knew that having an imaginary friend at Travis' age was perfectly normal, but she couldn't help but wish that he'd stop only wanting to spent time with Dennis instead of meeting up with his friends from kindergarten.

Pushing aside that thought she focused on the scene before her, her son happily sitting on her best friend's lap, while regaling her with a story about Dennis' most recent adventures.

Erin looked exhausted and a little worse for wear, but happy to be around her godson nonetheless and Annie felt for the brunette. She knew life had been pretty hard on her lately and wished nothing more than that Erin could conclude this stressful chapter of her life as soon as possible.

"Hey, Trav. Why don't you go ahead and wash your hands so that we can have some of that birthday cake we made for Auntie Erin earlier?" Annie suggested and her son immediately obliged, jumping off the bed and running over to the bathroom.

As soon as Travis had left the room, the smile dropped from Erin's face and she closed her eyes for a second, attempting to get back into the happy mood she'd been in just a second before, but failing. She felt a dip on the mattress next to her and opened her eyes to find Annie staring at her worriedly.

"Erin, you should've called and told me you weren't feeling well. We could've come by another time."

"It's nothing," Erin was quick to assure her, amending her answer when she felt Annie giving her a pointed stare. "I've just been feeling a little off lately, I'm sure it will pass in no time."

Not wanting to be subjected to her best friend's talking about her health issues anymore, she pulled back the covers and got out of bed, belatedly realizing that she didn't wear anything except for Jay's oversized black shirt which didn't go unnoticed by Annie either.

"New shirt?" she questioned, enjoying watching a pink flush growing on Erin's cheeks. The brunette had yet to tell the blond about her one-night stand and would've preferred to keep it to herself for at least a little while longer. So when Travis came barreling back into the room, he provided a welcome distraction and she excused herself to go and get dressed, leaving Annie trying to figure out when and where exactly Erin had acquired her new sleeping attire.

* * *

A couple of hours later, after they had all had a taste of Erin's birthday cake, Annie was still none the wiser with Travis's constant presence. After Travis dozed off after Erin unwrapped his homemade presents – several drawings and a colored necklace made from macaroni — Annie was about to bring up the topic of the shirt again, when Erin let out a heavy sigh and beat her to starting up a conversation.

"I'm stuffed. I think I won't be able to eat anything for at least a week," Erin laughed, while patting her stomach. She received a doubtful look from Annie in return.

"Really? You barely ate anything, Er. If I didn't know any better I'd say you didn't like chocolate cake anymore. So, do you mind telling me what exactly is going on with you?"

"Are you kidding? You know I love chocolate cake and yours is one of my absolute favorites," Erin tried deflecting her question, but her best friend was having none of it.

"If you are feeling off and seem to have lost your appetite, maybe it's time you sought medical advice?" she suggested, reaching out and squeezing Erin's shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"It's just the stress, Annie. I promise I'll go and see someone if it doesn't get better within the next couple of weeks."

The blonde eyed her friend suspiciously, but decided to let it go for the moment, not wanting to add to the stress her friend was visibly suffering from.

"Ok, fine. I'll trust you to make the right call on this and I will stop asking you about it. But only if I get something in return," the young mother trailed off, a mischievous glint in her eye.

Erin just cocked an eyebrow at her, knowing full well where this was heading, but not willing to give in just yet.

When Annie just looked at her expectantly Erin busied herself with lightly stroking Travis' hair, completely avoiding eye contact, "Well, since I'm not psychic you will have to spell it out for me. If you want an answer that is."

"Who's the guy?" Annie wasted no time skirting around the topic she had desperately wanted to address for the past few hours now.

"Wow, straight to the point. I'm impressed you managed to keep that in for so long," Erin lifted her gaze and chuckled, still trying to stall and delay the inevitable.

"Erin…"

"Ok. So… a couple of months ago I met this guy. We… went out for drinks, he took me home and his shirt accidentally ended up in my bag. That's all." Erin tried her best to downplay it. She didn't want Annie, who was a hopeless romantic, despite the fact that she'd gotten her heart broken so badly by her son's father, to know that 'this guy' was still very much on her mind and she was wearing his shirt in a futile attempt at feeling closer to him.

"So… if it just 'accidentally ended up in your bag', why did you keep it and not just get rid of it when you realized you had it?" Annie questioned, "What's even more interesting to me is the fact that you wear it to sleep."

"It's comfortable," Erin defended. "And I don't like what you're insinuating here. It's not like I have feelings for this guy or something…"

 _'Damn it_ ,' she thought. Annie had managed to get more out of her than she had wanted to share and Erin was sure her friend was having a field day, the tables being turned for once because usually Annie was the one being uncomfortable when asked about a guy she'd spent the night with whereas Erin had no problem sharing every dirty detail of her sexual exploits.

"I was just asking a couple of questions. You are the one that brought up having or rather not having feelings for him," Annie smirked, clearly enjoying that Erin who normally wasn't shy or defensive when it came to talking about her sexual encounters was in her shoes for once.

Desperate to get away from her friend's inquisitive questions, Erin blurted, "I think it's time for you to take Travis home." She gulped, trying to force down another wave of nausea threatening to overwhelm her and after a short pause tried to reason with her friend, "I bet he is exhausted. I mean look at him, he's out like a light and I think it's better if he sleeps in his own bed, lying in this position for longer than necessary will only lead to him having a sore neck tomorrow."

"Come on, at least tell me his name," the blonde pleaded.

Erin contemplated her friend's request for a few seconds, Annie usually wasn't one to pry information out of someone that wasn't willing to give it, so it had to be important to her. That was what made her finally decide to give in.

"Since you brought me gifts and cake, even if I didn't eat much of it, I'm feeling generous so… It's Jay," Erin told her, waiting for her best friend to get up and take her son into her arms, to allow the brunette to get up herself. Her stomach was revolting again and she was pretty sure if she didn't make it to the bathroom in the next few minutes, she was going to end up spreading the contents of her last meal all over the floor of her apartment.

"Thank you. That wasn't so hard, was it?" Annie looked at her, pleased that she'd gotten Erin to open up to her and got up, careful not to wake her son, so she could gather her things along with her son's jacket and shoes, which had been left by the front door.

When she came back to the couch, she slowly readjusted the sleeping child, so that he was in a sitting position and she could put on his shoes. Getting on his jacket proved to be a little more complicated, but by combining their efforts they managed to get it done without waking him and it even prevented Erin from throwing up, since she was concentrating so hard on the task at hand that her body's urges had to take a back seat for the time being.

"Do you need any help with getting him in the car?" Erin whispered, while they were making their way to her front door. Annie simply shook her head no, adjusted Travis in her arms and leant in to give her best friend a somewhat awkward side hug, trying not to squish her son in between them, but also wanting to show her friend that she was important to her.

Erin appreciated the gesture and gave her friend one last grateful smile before stepping back to let Annie and a still sleeping Travis pass and get out of her apartment.

The brunette had almost closed the door, when she caught Annie calling her name and popped her head out into the hallway to see what that was about.

"I just had a thought. Why don't you take a hot bath before you go to sleep? It might help settle your stomach."

Before Erin could come up with a response, the blonde had turned on her heel and was making her way towards the elevator at the other end of the hall.

* * *

Taking a bath had actually not been a bad idea and had helped Erin to relax and let the stress of the past couple of months melt away from her, even if it had just been a temporary relief since she still had to pass a few tests before she could start her field training in a couple of weeks.

But today she didn't want to worry about her future - she just wanted a few hours of peaceful rest until reality would come back crashing in. So that was why she decided to spend the remainder of the evening in bed.

Looking through the gifts she'd gotten today, she couldn't help but tear up at how thoughtful each of them were, apart from Travis' noodle necklace and the pictures he'd drawn her, Annie had surprised her with a framed picture of the three of them in the hospital on the day Travis had been born. Both Annie and Erin had huge smiles on their faces and little Travis was contently sleeping in Erin's arms.

Placing the picture on her nightstand, she carefully unwrapped the present Camille had given her earlier that day. She hadn't wanted to accept it at first, but Camille had insisted, saying it came from her heart and if Erin didn't like it she was welcome to give it back to her.

When the last piece of the gift wrap was gone, Erin laid eyes on a simple yet beautiful heart painting and she instantly knew that it was one of the paintings Camille had created as an art major in college. It was the exact same one that Erin had come across while she was snooping around the attic one day back in her teenage years. She'd loved it then and she still loved it now.

Knowing that Camille had stopped painting shortly after getting her degree, to take on a desk job in order to help provide for her family, Camille gifting her this meant so much more to her than words could ever express and against her will she felt herself tearing up and vowed to call her first thing in the morning.

There was one more gift left. It had been in the bag with Camille's painting so she knew it had to be from Hank.

Tearing off the gift wrap in one swift motion, she held a small jewelry box in her hand and her breath caught in her throat. Hank knew that she wasn't a fan of gifts, especially not the ones that were really expensive. She was almost tempted to put it back into the bag without taking a look, but something made her change her mind and when she lifted the lid she spotted an oval-shaped silver locket necklace nestled inside the box.

She extracted it with gentle fingers and undid the clasp so she could look inside. She was met with the smiling faces of the Voights — Justin grimacing and a laughing younger version of herself.

Tears now freely falling down her face, she chuckled when she remembered the day the picture had been taken. Camille had wanted to take a family picture to send to her mother for Christmas since the old lady couldn't make the trip to Chicago that year and Erin, who had lived with the Voights for just over a month, had not been thrilled to have her picture taken for someone she had never even met before.

She had kept a scowl on her face the entire time until Justin had made some funny faces and she had had to laugh out loud.

Wiping the tears off her face, she got up, and put the gift wrapping paper in the trash. She pinned Travis' drawings on the door of her fridge and set Camille's painting down on the coffee table, before putting on her new necklace and setting the jewelry box inside her nightstand drawer, next to the picture of Jay and his family and the note that had his phone number on it.

This birthday had all in all not been as bad as she'd expected it to be. Aside from her body betraying her and the little crying session she'd just had. But everyone was allowed to be emotional every once in a while and at least no one had been witness to her outburst.

When she turned off the lights and snuggled back under the covers she couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, things were looking up. That for once, her life wouldn't be the crazy ride on stormy water that it had been ever since she'd been born, but rather smooth sailing.

And that maybe with time, she'd also stop feeling like a piece of her was missing.

* * *

June 2008 (19 weeks pregnant)

Staring down anxiously at the little white stick resting on her bathroom countertop, Erin thought back to her birthday a little over two months ago and that despite things looking good then (except for her nausea and the feeling of never being able to get enough rest) life had managed to screw her over once again.

"I…I can't be here," she breathed out, on the verge of a panic attack, before storming out of the bathroom and sitting down on her couch dejectedly, burying her head in her hands.

She sighed when she heard footsteps approaching her cautiously, before lifting her head to meet her best friend's concerned gaze.

"Er, you can't just ignore this," Annie pleaded with her, trying to make the brunette see that this wasn't something that would just go away if she ignored it long enough.

"I know that. I just… I already have a lot on my plate right now with the field training… and I… I can't screw this up, Annie."

Sensing Erin was on the verge of a breakdown, the blonde sat down beside her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, this isn't the end of the world – I mean you and I, we've been through this before and this time our roles are just reversed. I'm here for you and I always will be. Never forget that, ok?"

Erin hated being this emotional. Even if it was in front of Annie, who had seen her at her worst. But she could barely manage to keep herself from crying, and after a few seconds of silence – only interrupted by the noise of a timer going off from the bathroom — she felt able to speak without having to fear her voice would crack.

"I don't even know if I am…," she trailed off. She couldn't even bring herself to say the words. This was pathetic. Erin prided herself on being a strong person who didn't get rattled by anything easily. She had survived situations that had been way worse, so why was this affecting her so much? It was just a simple scare. She had nothing to be afraid of.

 _'Yeah just keep telling yourself that,_ ' a tiny voice at the back of her head helpfully supplied, _'Keep on ignoring this and in a few more months you'll get a nice little surprise. Don't kid yourself Erin, the signs are all there. You are a screw up, always have been and always will be. So why are you acting like you had no clue this was going to happen. You've been with more guys during the past 8 years than most women have been with their entire life. Getting knocked up was inevitable.'_

Being a prisoner inside her own head, Erin hadn't noticed that Annie had disappeared and at the moment she frankly could care less. Why did it have to come to this?

She remembered the day of her graduation about six weeks ago. She had been so happy that she was no longer feeling nauseous - in fact it was more of the opposite. Starting a few weeks after her birthday she had developed a healthy appetite and was constantly eating whenever she could manage to squeeze in a snack or a meal into her busy schedule.

The Voights and Annie had been pleased to see her get her strength back and she had been feeling better than ever, a little tired and achy here and there, but she had written it off to the demanding field training and her heavy work out. She had to make sure to stay in shape after all. She was happy she had gained some weight back, since she had lost quite a few pounds while she had to deal with the nausea, but one thing she hadn't expected were her breasts getting bigger and she could swear her stomach was slightly rounded as well. No one had said anything to her yet though, well at least not about her stomach…

Dan and Brittany had dragged her to a party a couple of weeks ago to celebrate all of them graduating at the top of their class, and Brittany had made an offhand comment about needing to get a dress like the one Erin had worn that night, because of the way it accentuated her cleavage.

 _"Seriously, Linds. Your boobs look enormous in this. You have to tell me your secret! Wait, you didn't get a boob job since the last time we met, did you?"_

 _Even if Brittany had obviously been drunk, her comment had stuck with Erin and she had paid a little more attention to the looks she was receiving from the other partygoers that night, noticing that quite a few guys were more interested in her cleavage than anything else. She even caught a few girls staring at her chest, a mixture of awe and envy on their faces._

 _Plus there was Dan, the guy who had never shown any interest in her before, at least not sexually, practically undressing her with his eyes. Ok, he had been pretty drunk as well and her dress had left little to the imagination, so maybe that had been the reason behind him acting like a horny teenager that night. Erin herself had been surprisingly sober. Not wanting a repeat of the night she'd had a few months back, when she'd slept with Jay, she had stuck to a couple of non-alcoholic beers and virgin cocktails, turning down every alcoholic drink that had been offered to her by guys who were obviously eager to get into her (non-existing) pants._

 _The evening had taken a turn for the worse when Brittany had taken off with some guy, telling Erin and Dan to 'have fun' and that she'd see them soon, leaving a very drunk Dan and a slightly uncomfortable Erin on the dance floor._

 _While she was happy to let off some steam after all the stress she'd been under lately, she didn't know what to make off Dan's whispered comments about her looking absolutely stunning, while he was twirling her around the dance floor._

 _Her head had started spinning after only a few turns and when she had been safely back in his arms, being slightly out of breath, she had leaned forward and rested her head against his. He must've taken that as an invitation to close the remaining distance between them and kiss her, because before she knew what was going on his lips had been on hers, his tongue demanding entrance into her mouth. She had been too stunned to push him away, her body reacting on instinct and opening herself up to him. Tasting the alcohol on his tongue, her brain had finally caught up and she had swiftly pulled away, leaving him panting and looking at her dazedly._

 _"I think you don't want to do this," she had told him and seeing the hurt look on his face she had reluctantly added, "at least not while you're drunk and most probably won't remember any of it", when she was hoping that the incident would indeed be wiped from his memory the next day. She didn't want things to get awkward between them, he was a great friend and while he was really good looking (just because they were friends didn't mean she was blind), she valued their friendship and shared conversations more. She didn't want to risk it for one night he wasn't gonna remember anyway._

Shaking her head slightly to come out of the memory, Erin sat up straight when she saw Annie standing in the door of her bathroom, holding a small plastic bag containing the dreaded white object in one of her hands.

"Don't tell me," she pleaded. "Please, just let me have one more week to come to terms with this and then you can tell me."

Annie looked at her, unwavering support, love and understanding shining from her eyes.

"Ok," she acknowledged.

"Ok?" Erin echoed, disbelief coloring her voice.

"Yeah, I'll give you a week, but then I'll tell you and you have to promise me to accept it regardless of whether you like the outcome or not."

"Ok," Erin affirmed, grateful for being allowed one more week of blissful ignorance. Deep down in her gut she already knew that the result had to be positive, but she just wasn't ready to deal with the consequences.

 _'All actions have consequences, Erin. Before you act, make sure you're prepared for them,_ ' Hank's voice suddenly popped into her head. Shuddering she tried not to think of how he would react if she had to tell them that she had once again acted without being prepared for the consequences.

* * *

"Erin, I have to go. It's getting late and I promised Travis I'd be home in time to read him a bedtime story," Annie's calm voice startled Erin out of her dark thoughts and she immediately felt guilty, because her panicked call had forced her best friend to drop everything and have her neighbor look after Travis while she had rushed over to Erin's place.

"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry… for… keeping you so long," the brunette managed to get out.

"Are you ok…?" The 'to be left alone' went unsaid.

"I don't know," Erin admitted truthfully, "but… I will be."

"Call me, if you need anything, ok? I mean it, Er. You know I'd be over here even if it was 3 am and I had to drag Travis halfway across town in his PJs."

"I know," Erin chuckled and her mood got a little better picturing her little godson in his _Spiderman_ pajamas. The kid was seriously obsessed with the animated series from the 90's, whereas other children his age where busy watching _SpongeBob Squarepants_.

Annie came over to her still smiling friend and hugged her, being careful to hold the little plastic bag as far away from Erin as possible.

"I'll hold onto this for you for now," where the last words Erin heard from her before the door of her apartment closed behind the blonde.

 _'Don't I know it,'_ Erin thought bitterly and got up off the couch to start her nightly routine before bed.

* * *

After she was done with brushing her teeth and getting changed - she had once again chosen to sleep in the shirt she had 'accidentally' taken from Jay's place - she curled up under her blankets and closed her eyes. She had almost managed to fall asleep, when an unbidden thought entered her mind, _'I wish you were here'._ Erin was well aware that she had to quell the urge of getting Jay involved in this before it got out of control. Now more than ever she felt herself itching to just call him, but ultimately decided against it. All she could remember were the words she'd said to him as clear as day, _'One time deal. No strings attached.'_

* * *

June 2008 (20 weeks pregnant)

Even though Annie had given Erin a whole week to prepare herself for the more than likely result of her taking that damned test, she still didn't feel ready to face the consequences of her actions. She regretted taking the stupid test in the first place.

She'd only ended up taking it because Camille had called her out on her recent mood swings while she had been over at the Voights for dinner a few weeks ago.

"It's almost like you are a PMSing teenager again", Camille had told her and Erin had been mortified, both by Camille comparing her to her younger self and using the word 'PMSing' in a sentence. But that was the word that had gotten her thinking. She had been so stressed that she couldn't even remember the last time she had been 'PMSing' or had had her period for that matter and suddenly everything had started to make sense.

She had been around Annie when the latter had been pregnant with Travis and should've recognized the signs earlier: nausea, food cravings (she had been craving strawberry mint ice-cream so much lately, it was insane), fatigue, weight gain (including the increase of her cup-size), mood swings and most importantly the absence of her period for several months in a row.

But the dizzy spells and lightheadedness that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere were bugging her the most. Usually they were over in a matter of seconds, but she'd been feeling off all day today. Maybe it was because she had skipped out on lunch, because they were busy assisting an arrest, and had also skipped breakfast because she had been late and didn't want to face the wrath of her supervisor.

The man had a tendency to be mean towards his subordinates sometimes – not that that had ever happened to her though. Erin had made sure to be professional at all times, even if she wasn't feeling up to par. It had been hard in the beginning, when her body was constantly working against her, making her feel nauseous and lightheaded more often than not and there had been a few close calls when she'd had to make a run for the nearest bathroom to avoid puking her guts out in the car, but she'd worked through it.

Currently standing in the hallway leading from the Voights' living room towards one of the bathrooms another dizzy spell hit her and before she knew it, she had lost her footing and was head first tumbling towards the cold hard ground. Her vision was already swimming and when her head made contact with the floor everything went completely dark.

* * *

Erin didn't know how much time had passed or where she was the next time she gained consciousness. She was aware that people were shouting around her, but she couldn't make out what they were saying and if any of their commands were directed at her.

She tried on concentrating on the tone of the voices to figure out if there was someone she knew. There. She knew she'd heard that voice before, if only her head weren't so fogged up and she could connect the voice to a person. A name suddenly floated around her brain. _'Annie_ ', she thought. _'That's Annie'_. She wanted to scream, to make sure Annie knew she was still there, still alive or was she?

She could hear Annie's voice again, panicked, shouting something over and over again. Before she was swept away again to a place where she was alone and no people were shouting, she was finally able to make out the words her best friend was shouting, "She's pregnant!"

She desperately tried to open her eyes, so that she could look at them while telling them that it was not true. That she wasn't pregnant, but she felt herself slipping. The voices of Annie and the other people whose voices she didn't recognize were fading until there was nothing but an eerie silence.

* * *

When Erin finally was able to open her eyes, she found herself back in Jay's apartment. She was standing in his bedroom, light was shining through a gap between the curtains and she got a feeling of déjà vu when her eyes roamed across the room, finally settling onto a figure lying in the bed. A few months ago that had been her.

Curiosity got the better of her and she took a step closer. She noted long brown hair splayed out over one of the pillows and immediately recoiled. There was another woman sleeping in his bed and she had to get out. Out of that room, out of that apartment. Preferably somewhere far, far away.

She silently retreated back towards the door, which suddenly opened and revealed Jay, carrying a breakfast tray in his hands, his eyes locked onto the sleeping form of the woman currently resting in his bed.

Erin froze. What was she supposed to do now?

But it was like she weren't even there and when the woman stirred and groggily sat up she knew this couldn't be real, because the woman in Jay's bed is… she?

How could she be in two places at once? Before she could give any more thought to why she was in this room and why there were two versions of her, Jay had set down the food tray on the nightstand next to her double and leaned in for a kiss.

Her second self however pulled out of his reach before he could fulfill his quest in protest, "Eww, Jay, no. Gross. Morning breath."

The man in question just chuckled, whispered, "I don't care," and leaned in again. This time the Erin sitting on the bed had no other option but to give in and let him kiss her.

Things seemed to get heated pretty quickly and she had the decency to feel uncomfortable by how turned on she was just from watching Jay making her other-self moan.

But before she actually had to avert her eyes, a wailing sound echoed through the room and the two people making out on the bed broke apart.

Erin was confused for a second until her eyes settled on the baby monitor sitting right next to the food tray on the nightstand. Her other-self reached for it and moved to get up. Jay was quick to intercept her though.

He took the monitor from the woman's hand, gave her one more peck on the lips and moved off the bed.

"I got it. Enjoy your food," he called back over his shoulder while he made his way out of the room. Erin contemplated whether she should follow Jay, but the thought of what she might find when she did terrified her and she decided to watch 'Erin 2' instead. That was what she had dubbed her other self in her head.

Erin 2 set the tray with food down in her lap and started digging in. Her own stomach began to grumble and she tried remembering whether she'd eaten anything today. She knew she was supposed to get something to eat earlier, but she couldn't remember where and with whom.

Suddenly Jay reappeared. But this time he wasn't carrying a food tray, but… her heart almost skipped a beat… a baby. A tiny human being was wrapped in a blanket, securely snuggled in his arms and they were headed straight for her, ignoring Erin 2 having breakfast in Jay's bed for the time being.

When Jay stopped in front of her, the baby began to stir in his arms and when it opened its eyes, Erin was met with the same clear shade of blue that she recognized from Jay's eyes.

Her breath hitched in her throat and she almost couldn't tear her gaze away from the little human being whose eyes were locked onto her own, when Jay whispered, "I wish you were here. I wish you could stay."

She raised her gaze to find him staring at her intently and opened her mouth to ask him what he meant — what all of this meant — but she never got the chance, because the room and everyone in it began to fade away.

The baby started to scream and she wanted to scream too, but she couldn't seem to find her voice. Then everything around her became pitch-black again.

* * *

When she opened her eyes, she began looking around wildly, gasping for breath. She was trying to find Jay or Erin 2 or the baby, when a comforting hand squeezed her shoulder and she turned her head in that direction.

"Miss Lindsay, relax. Everything is alright. You had a nasty fall and you are currently at the hospital."

She just stared at the young woman, who was probably no more than a couple of years older than her, dumb-founded.

When she didn't respond, said woman addressed her again, "Ms. Lindsay, can you hear me?"

"Yes," she managed to grit out, her voice a little rough from disuse and sounding foreign to her ears.

"That's great," the woman praised, "My name is Natalie Manning, I'm a 4th year med student here at Chicago Med and I was just checking your vitals. Everything seems to be in order."

Until now Erin hadn't noticed the various IVs and the machine monitoring her heartbeat that she was hooked up to, but now she couldn't look away even if she wanted to.

She seemed to have spaced out for a minute and when she was finally able to move her head away from the machines and focus her attention back on Natalie, the latter was still talking.

"We also did an ultrasound examination while you were unconscious and I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that your fall did nothing to harm your baby girl. She is a fighter that one, just like her mother."

While the young med student was beaming at her happily, Erin couldn't process what she'd just heard.

Assuming you were pregnant, but not being 100 percent sure about it, and actually getting told you were having a baby girl were two different things and Erin was still in denial.

"I'm…I'm sorry. There must be some kind of mistake. I'm not pregnant."

Natalie looked at her, confused, and then looked down at the chart in her hands again. After studying it briefly she looked up and asked, "But you are Erin Lindsay, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am," Erin was quick to respond.

"Then there is no mistake. You are indeed pregnant."


	11. Never Forget You

**Title:** Love Will Remember

 **Cover art by:** mehtiification

 **Rating** :T

 **A/N:** Hi :) I'm really sorry for not updating in so long :S But (in case anyone is still waiting for it/wanting to read it) here's a new chapter and I hope it was at least worth the wait ;) I'm trying to get back to updating at least once a month, but my laptop has been acting up a lot lately so I'm not sure how that will work out :S Thank you for your patience and again a big "Thanks" to all of you who read, favorite and follow this story :) A special thank you for your feedback on the last chapter goes to: **Natascha2Tata, NALEY23alwaysforever, Montelini, ShimmerShimmerx, trueblonde18, lindsteadxoxo, Josie92, Raven8989, Petra** and the other three **guest** reviewers. Sorry for any mistakes (spelling or otherwise) in advance and I hope you enjoy reading! I'm not too proud of this chapter personally, but once I figure out what is bothering me and how to fix it I might Change some things ;) I know that a lot of you might have hoped that Jay finds out about ZJ in this chapter and I promise it will happen soon, just bear with me a little while longer ;)

 **P.S.: This chapter is not betaed, because I wanted to get it to you as soon as possible, but I've already sent it to my amazing beta (22Shay22) and will update the proofread version once she's had time to have a look at this chapter ;)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD, its characters or any dialogue you recognize from the show, nor do I own the rights to** _ **Never Forget You**_ **by Zara Larsson.**

* * *

 _Previously_

" _Mommy, I don't feel so good," ZJ spoke up hesitantly, while Erin was busy taking the child's temperature._

 _Erin's worst fear was confirmed when ZJ's temperature exceeded the 100 F mark and the child suddenly went limp in her arms._

" _ZJ? Hey baby, I need you to stay awake, ok? Can you do that for me?" Erin's panic-fuelled voice echoed through the room, while she frantically tried to get the child to wake up._

* * *

 **Chapter 11:** _Never Forget You_

January 2014

Erin was currently sitting in the waiting area of the ICU at Gaffney Chicago Medical Centre and impatiently waited for Dr. Alec Willhite (she had completely forgotten about the fact that Julie's husband worked here and had been surprised to see he was the on-call doctor in charge) to come back out and talk to her. She was anxious to hear what he had to say about her daughter's current condition and wished nothing more than to wake up from this nightmare and be able to take her daughter home.

It definitely brought back unwanted memories, memories of the time she had been admitted to this very hospital after having fainted at the Voights' house while she was pregnant with ZJ. Her daughter hadn't been harmed then and she hoped that the same was true now. That ZJ would get out of this unscathed.

But what if she didn't? How could she live with herself if she'd let something happen to her child, while she was busy in the room next door trying not to be affected by Jay's charms? Jay, her little girl's _baby daddy_ , who knew nothing about said girl.

She steeled herself for the call that she, deep down in her bones, knew needed to happen now and took out her phone. She would never forgive herself if their daughter died thinking her father was dead and if Jay only found out about her after her demise. No. He deserved to know, they both did.

Scrolling through her contact list in search of Jay's number, her cheeks briefly heating when she thought of the circumstances under which she'd gotten the number in the first place, she stopped when she saw his name popping up.

She'd just dialed her new partner's number and was waiting for him to pick up the phone, when the glass doors to the ICU slid open with a loud wuush sound that stood out against the eerily quiet atmosphere of the room.

Erin jumped up, startled, and dropped her phone in the process. She immediately recognized Julie's husband and rushed over to question him. "How, how is she?" her voice almost broke and she was well aware she had to look like a complete mess. Tear streaks were staining her cheeks, her eyes red and bloodshot from having cried so much over the past hour.

"Erin," he started, putting one hand on her shoulder in comfort, "I think it's best if we sit down." ' _Oh, no,_ ' she thought. This was it. He was going to tell her that he was sorry for her loss. That her vivacious little daughter who wanted to be a soldier when she grew up, just like her daddy had been, ' _to protect the innocent and make the world a safer place, mommy_ ', hadn't made it and would never get the chance to do all the good she so badly wanted to do in the world.

Her knees buckled and her legs almost gave out under her, her body not willing to carry its weight anymore.

"Woooaaaah easy," Dr. Willhite said and put his arms around her waist, steadying her, before guiding her over towards the seating area she'd occupied only a few minutes earlier.

After she'd sat down again, she looked at him, her eyes wide and shining with fear and trepidation. He took her hand and she felt something drop into it.

"Is this yours?" he calmly questioned and Erin was forced to look down at the tiny object resting in the palm of her hand.

Staring at her phone like it was from another planet, the brunette simply nodded and let it drop into her lap, not aware that the call was still connected to Jay's phone.

* * *

Jay was almost asleep when he heard his phone vibrate on his nightstand and he felt almost giddy with anticipation at the prospect of the person trying to get in touch with him being Erin.

He'd felt the same spark between them this evening that he'd felt all those years ago and he was determined to not let her get away this time.

His heart sped up in his chest when he saw that it was indeed Erin calling him and he pressed 'answer'.

All he could hear on the other end of the line was some rustling. He called out her name but got no response, just more background noise.

Jay was confused. Why would she call him if she didn't intend to speak to him?

He'd just come to the conclusion, that she must've butt-dialed him accidentally, when the background noise cleared a little and he heard two people talking quietly.

One of them was Erin, the other person was male, but he didn't recognize his voice.

He just caught the tail end of what had to have been an emotional conversation, because he could hear Erin let out a relieved sob at the other man's words that "she's stable." Whoever he was referring to had to mean a great deal to Erin, because seconds later she was thanking the other person profusely and asking when she could see _her_.

After getting her answer, he could hear the man preparing to leave and when he didn't hear anything besides Erin's quiet sobbing, after having waited for a couple of minutes, he tentatively spoke up again.

"Erin? Erin, are you ok?"

* * *

She was so relieved, she didn't even notice the small voice that was calling her name at first, but when she did her eyes dropped down to her lap and she realized Jay still had to be on the other end of the line.

When she finally picked it up and pressed it against her ear, she could hear him asking whether she was ok, whether she was still there.

"Jay?" she questioned and she could hear him let out an audible sigh of relief at her finally responding to him.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"I think I'm gonna have to call you back."

And before he could protest, she ended the call and let the phone fall back into her lap again.

* * *

A few hours later Erin was sitting by her daughter's bedside. The redhead was fast asleep, she had been given a sedative earlier, to ensure that she got all the rest she needed to get better and looked every bit like the little angle Erin thought she was, her hair fanning around her like a halo.

Not quite understanding how they'd gotten here, considering the fact that ZJ had been fine until she'd caught a cold a couple of days ago and had come home from school coughing and sneezing, Erin was still trying to process all of the things Dr. Willhite had said to her earlier.

They were still running a few tests at the moment to rule out any severe diseases and wanted to keep her daughter in the ICU over night to be able to monitor her closely and act immediately in case she had another episode or febrile convulsion like he'd called it but it looked like her earlier fainting had been caused by dehydration courtesy of the high fever ZJ was still running.

A fresh wave of tears began to fall while Erin reached for her daughter's hand, clasping ZJ's smaller one in hers and holding on to it with the intention of never letting go.

She couldn't imagine what it would be like if she'd lose her. The irony of the situation was not lost on her though: She, Erin Lindsay, who'd sworn she'd never have kids in fear of turning into her mother and abandon them like Bunny had done, had almost lost her child today because she hadn't paid close enough attention to her daughter's condition.

"Looks like I'm no more fit to raise a child than I was six years ago," she mused darkly and thought that maybe ZJ would have had it better if she'd decided to give her up for adoption. At the time she had decided against it, had wanted to prove to herself that she could be a better mother to her child than Bunny ever was and would be to her, that she'd do anything to ensure her child was healthy and knew they were loved and wanted, something that Erin had never gotten from her mother.

Maybe she had been wrong, maybe the need to have someone love her unconditionally and without hesitation had overpowered her rational side, the side that had told her keeping the baby was not a good idea, that she'd eventually screw up and that it was better to give her child a chance to change the world someday instead of being stuck with her, but any doubts of having made the right decision in keeping her had vanished the second she'd heard her daughter cry for the first time and held her in her arms.

The feeling of love and gratitude had been so overwhelming that she'd thought her heart might explode. Giving birth to ZJ was definitely the best thing she'd done in the almost 29 years of her existence.

* * *

Meanwhile Jay, who had been tossing and turning all night, trying to figure out what exactly to make of the conversation he'd overheard earlier, finally decided that sleep probably wouldn't come and got up for an early morning run.

Maybe the cold air would help to clear his mind and he could piece the puzzle that was Erin Lindsay together.

Thinking back over what he knew, he came to the conclusion that someone close to Erin had to be in the hospital. It was the only thing that made sense. He also knew that this person had to be female and he vaguely remembered being told that there was a family emergency so Erin had to leave work early yesterday.

He couldn't remember whether she had said something about having a sister. She'd only told him that she had a younger brother. So maybe it was her mother who was in the hospital? Or was it her aunt? Her cousin? Her niece? Maybe her grandmother? There were just so many possibilities that he was almost certain he wouldn't get to the bottom of this without a little help from Erin. She still hadn't called him back, but he decided giving her space was probably the best given the emotional turmoil she must have went through during the last 24 hours.

Jay was surprised that by the end of his little brain storming session, he was already turning the corner to his apartment complex again and remembering that he had been partnered up with Detective Olinsky for the time being, he thought about asking him if Erin had any sisters or maybe he could just trick him into giving him the information he wanted to know by making it seem like he already knew which member of Erin's family was currently staying at the hospital.

In this moment he kind of wished his older brother was working in Chicago instead of New York, so he could enlist his help. Although on second thought, Jay was glad Will wasn't in town. Their relationship was still rocky at best and he preferred it if Will kept out of his personal business or any of his business really.

Will had tried his best to get back in Jay's good graces again, especially after Jay had returned home from Afghanistan six years ago, but even when Jay had been at his most vulnerable, Will still hadn't been able to get through to him and had left it to Jay's close friend Mouse to pick up the pieces.

Mouse. Jay didn't know what would have become of him, if the quiet tech nerd hadn't been there for him in his darkest hour. He might have drowned himself in alcohol, trying to wash away the guilt he felt for not being able to save the lives of his fellow soldiers, the guilt he felt for having survived, for coming home to his family (or more specifically to an empty apartment), while they had been killed and had never gotten the chance to return to their loved ones.

Pushing away the dark memories that threatened to overwhelm him, Jay made his way inside his apartment and headed straight for the shower, intent on letting the steady fall of the water drown out the sound of a deafening explosion playing on repeat in his mind.

* * *

Trying to sleep in a hard hospital chair provided a bigger challenge than Erin had at first thought.

She would've climbed into the bed next to ZJ, if she hadn't been afraid of waking the still sleeping child. She knew that the chance of that happening was basically zero, as long as the sedative didn't wear off, but she didn't want to risk it.

She was content watching over her for now, being assured that her child was ok by the steady rise and fall of her chest and the consistent beeping of the machines monitoring her.

Erin's phone rested in her lap, but she didn't feel the desperate need to contact someone any longer, instead she focused her attention on something outside of the hospital window, the slow but steady rise of the morning sun.

She was surprised that time seemed to have gone by in the blink of an eye, that almost seven hours had passed since she had been allowed inside her child's hospital room and when ZJ shifted in her sleep, whimpering lightly, Erin inched closer to the bed.

She had been holding the child's hand ever since she had sat done next to the bed and she knew that she should probably call Annie to let her know that they were at the hospital or shoot Voight a text informing him of her whereabouts and what had happened after he had left, but she couldn't bring herself to do that just yet.

Watching the small sleeping form in the bed was all that mattered right now and feeling the soft, warm skin of her daughter's hand provided her with a strange sense of calm despite of ZJ's current state.

Erin felt herself slumping forward onto the bed at last, exhaustion and lack of sleep finally making her lose the battle to stay awake…

* * *

"Mommy?"

Erin faintly heard the sound of a small voice calling out for her and when she didn't immediately answer, too busy to fight the claim sleep still seemed to hold over her worn out body, the voice grew gradually became louder and more insistent.

"Mommy! Wake up!"

She felt the press of small fingers against her hand and when Erin's eyes finally flew open at the urgent tone, the first thing she noticed were her daughter's bright, big blue eyes staring at her.

Before the fact that ZJ was awake even had a chance to fully register in Erin's sleep-addled mind, her child, now having her mother's full attention, spoke up again, "I think someone is trying to call you."

Sitting up straight, the brunette detective looked at her daughter and then slowly lowered her eyes so they could focus on the phone, still laying face down in her lap, which was currently vibrating.

Turning it over, she saw Annie's name flash on the screen and quickly picked the mobile device up to answer her friend who was most probably worried sick because they were nowhere to be found. In her haste to get ZJ to the hospital last night she had left her bedroom in disarray, lights probably still turned on and had barely even remembered to close the door on her way out.

"Hey," she answered, her voice raspier than usual, because she had just woken up.

"Erin, thank God," Annie breathed a heavy sigh of relief after hearing her best friend's voice and immediately proceeded to question her about her whereabouts.

"We're at the hospital…"

Erin didn't even get a chance to explain what had happened before Annie told her she was on her way and bombarded her with question after question until she ran out of breath and was forced to stop in favor of filling her lungs with air.

"Annie calm down, ZJ's fine, at least for now. I'll explain everything when you get here."

After having told her the name of the hospital, the number and location of the room her child was currently staying in, Erin hung up the phone and focused her attention back on her daughter.

"Hi sweetie. How are you feeling?"

The concern in her voice was evident and as if ZJ was picking up on her mother's anxiousness, she squeezed her hand again, harder this time as if she was holding on for dear life and curled in on herself.

"I'm achy," she admitted in a small voice, avoiding her mother's gaze.

Erin reached out the hand, not currently intertwined with her daughter's and brushed a strand of sticky hair away from the girl's sweaty face, stroking over ZJ's cheek in a comforting motion, before asking, "Where does it hurt, baby?"

"Everywhere," the ginger answered miserably.

Hating to see her child suffer, Erin abruptly stood from her chair and was about to leave her side to go and find Dr. Willhite or any of the doctors or nurses stationed on this floor so that they could have a look at the redhead and determine the best way to help her.

"No, mommy. Please don't leave me," ZJ pleaded in a high-pitched voice, tears forming in her eyes at the prospect of being left alone in this sterile white room, which was so cold and unfamiliar to her.

It seemed that only now did it register to her that they were not at home and that she was hooked to a number of different machines that were making strange noises, which managed to scare her even further.

"I want to go home, mommy" she sobbed. "Can we go home, please?"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, we have to stay for a little while longer, but I'm gonna be right here by your side. I'm not going anywhere. Let me just…" Erin trailed off, reaching over to the nightstand to press a button to alert the hospital staff that someone was needed in their room immediately.

"There, all done. Now a nurse or doctor will come and you will feel much better pretty soon."

"Really?" ZJ questioned and her mood seemed to brighten instantly at the prospect of her pain going away.

"Pinky promise," her mother reassured her, held up her little finger in conspiration and gave her a small smile, which the child reluctantly returned after a few seconds had passed.

The ginger's face grew solemn again when her gaze fell upon the IV and the machines monitoring her though and she hesitantly spoke up again, thinking over her words carefully before finally uttering what was bothering her.

"Am I going to see daddy soon?"

"Uh what?" Erin asked shocked and not totally sure whether she'd heard her daughter correctly. How on earth was it possible for ZJ to know that her dad was no longer out of the picture? Erin's mind was racing, trying to decipher how and when the little girl could have found out. Annie wouldn't have told her, would she? No, Erin dismissed that possibility almost immediately. Annie would have talked to her about it first before springing such kind of information on her unsuspecting goddaughter.

Before Erin had the chance to come up with a plausible response, ZJ clarified, "You know because he is an angel and I'm in the hospital and Auntie Millie was in the hospital and then the angels took her and she watches over us now, just like daddy…"

' _Oh,'_ now it clicked and Erin knew what her daughter was referring too. Maybe she could've explained the whole concept of life and death better, but what was she supposed to tell a small child who wanted to know why she didn't have a daddy and where her daddy was. So Erin had told her that her dad couldn't be with them, because he was in heaven, but that he would always be watching over them.

Erin's heart constricted at the thought that she had assumed Jay was dead all these years when he had been very much alive and had been living in the same city they lived in for her daughter's entire life.

"You're not going to heaven, baby. At least not any time soon." _'Not if I have a say,'_ Erin added silently, not wanting to spook her daughter any further.

"But…," ZJ's lip wobbled and she looked like she was about to burst into tears at any second, "But… if I do, promise… promise you won't forget me?"

Erin scooted closer to her frightened child and moved one of her hands to rest right over the little girl's heart, looking into her eyes with warmth and love.

"I will never forget you, I promise."

The clearing of a throat somewhere behind them, startled both Erin and ZJ and had them turn their attention to Dr. Willhite who had appeared in the doorway and was making his way over to the mother and daughter duo.

"Hi ladies. I hope I'm not interrupting anything…?"

* * *

Jay cursed silently under his breath when he heard Sergeant Platt calling his name the second he entered the district.

Immediately after he had stepped out of the shower in the early hours of the morning his phone had gone off and Voight had told him that they had just found a body and he expected him to join the rest of the team at the crime scene as soon as possible.

Arriving at the location only half an hour later, he had gotten a quick briefing from Antonio and then after having identified the victim as Heather Rooney, Voight had assigned Jay and Alvin Olinsky to questioning all of the people living on the same floor as Heather inside a big apartment complex as possible witnesses.

Much to their dismay none of Heather's neighbors had been of much help and Jay was not looking forward to inform Voight about what they had found out so far, which was basically nothing, except that Heather had mostly kept to herself and didn't like talking to the other inhabitants of the complex she had lived in.

But he'd still prefer taking the brunt off Voight's anger over having to face whatever Platt wanted his attention for.

"Chuckles!" she exclaimed, once he had made his way over to her desk, after thoroughly considering just making his way up the stairs to Intelligence and ignoring the sergeant for the time being, but remembering Erin's words about staying on Platt's good side from the day before at the last second and deciding escaping her now would not be worth the trouble he'd get for ignoring her later.

"At your service, ma'am," he joked and regretted being so cheeky with her almost immediately when he saw her eyes narrow at him and took in the scowl on her face.

"If I were you I'd tread very carefully here. You're already on thin ice and wouldn't want to break through and drown, would you now?"

"No," he replied with a shake of the head.

"Good," Sergeant Platt nodded and her facial expression turned cheery, as if she'd not just threatened someone.

"Now, come with me. I need you to fill out some more paper work."

The words of protest died on Jay's tongue when he saw the icy glare she sent his way and he followed her, chuckling when she threatened one of the patrol officers into watching the front desk for her and hoping she hadn't heard it and would punish him one way or another.

He came to an abrupt halt, barely avoiding running into Platt's back when she suddenly stopped in front of a door and opened it, motioning him over to a lone computer.

She powered it up, typed in a password and opened a file labeled 'Intelligence', he saw a bunch of documents which had the names of the detectives working in the Intelligence Unit on them. Scrolling down a bit, she found the document with his name on it and opened it.

"I couldn't decipher some of the things you wrote about your time in the military, so you'll have to fill in the blanks," she said and turned to leave the room.

"Just close up when you're done here and make sure to get the key for the room back to me," with that she left him to his own devices.

Jay moved to sit in front of the computer, looked over the form on the screen in front of him, quickly typed in the missing information and, after he was finished, made sure to safe it before he closed the document.

He was about to close the file labeled 'Intelligence', when his eye caught Erin's name. He knew opening her personal file definitely counted as a violation of privacy and that it might cost him his job if someone found out, but curiosity got the better of him and the burning need to find out what kind of secret his partner was keeping from him, because her weird behavior all day yesterday definitely told him that there was something she was not telling him, pushed him into disregarding reason and just listen to his gut which insisted the answer to all his questions would be inside her file.

Before he knew it, the document had opened and he was quickly skipping over the contents of her personal file and letting out an involuntary sigh of relief when he realized she wasn't married. Like that even mattered- he was fully aware that there wouldn't be a repeat of the night they'd shared almost six years ago, at least not while they were working together under Voight's watchful eye.

He scanned the rest of the document until one particular line caught his attention.

Children: One


End file.
